5 things to do when you’ve hit the rock bottom.

Brunette in a brown coat and brown knitted hat, looking away from the camera.

Hello, dear readers! Growing up feels a lot like leveling up in a certain game – challenges get harder with every level. In some days you feel like you have it all figured out and you know, how to “play this game” but at some you feel like you are failing completely. Maybe you just got broken up with, fired, manipulated, lied to, lost your best friend, lost the money, got cheated on, faced sudden and serious health problems – whatever it is, sometimes it feels like you have reached the rock bottom and there is no going back. However, if you are in that mindset right now, I’m here to help you to dig yourself out of that hole. There is a way out and it’s only too late when you’re dead. Here are five things you can do when it feels like you’re in an incredibly bad situation and it feels like it won’t ever get better.

  1. Cry it out and pour a glass of wine. Bottling up emotions has never done anything good, so let it all out. You can ask for a friend to come over. Wine is optional but sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out, feel good and relax.
  2. Realize what makes you upset, what caused this unpleasant situation and figure out, if you can do something about it. For example, you just found out you have an STD. What caused it? This time it was a dishonest partner, who you really trusted. Did you had “the talk” before you decided to have sex with them? You did. How could you knew that they weren’t honest with you? You couldn’t. What can you do? Get a treatment, if there is one and talk to your partner about it. What if there is no treatment? You do your research on how to live with it and connect with other people, who are in the same situation as you are to receive some emotional support. What if your partner denies everything, puts the blame on you or simply vanishes? As painful as it is – you have learned the lesson that it is not the type of person you want to be with. You can’t return to the past and change what happened then but you can figure out all the ways you can make your future better. Remember: you are not defined by the mistakes you made.
  3. Accept the fact that healing takes time and be gentle to yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes and no one is perfect. Everyone in this world has screwed up some way. Most people have learned from their mistakes and moved on. For some moving on is easier, for some harder but it is possible. Be gentle to yourself, putting blame on yourself doesn’t help to change the past, even more – it ruins the future, if you keep living with this negative vibe forever.
  4. Dry your tears and brainstorm for ways on how to get better. The fact that you have been in an abusive relationship, doesn’t mean that every future relationship you have will be the same or that you won’t be able to be in a relationship at all. The fact that you have went to ten job interviews and got denied on every single one doesn’t mean that you will never get a job that you like. Usually you have to reach the rock bottom to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon afterwards. Sometimes good things happen when you least expect them, so keep trying.
  5. Take the next step. It’s not easy to go on with your life after a huge downfall but that’s the way life is – ups and downs are inevitable. However, looking from the bright side – if you would never experience any rock bottoms, you would never know, how good it feels to reach the top. Also, the problems that we face, the mistakes that we learn from – it all makes us stronger at the end. Practice doesn’t make us perfect but it definitely makes us better. Life is like an improvisation – you might not know what is going to happen next but you can learn to adapt to different situations and get back up faster, when you fall down.

That’s it for today’s blog post on Dolls Have Hearts. Wish me luck on finding a great summer job and I’ll see you next week when hopefully I will be already employed.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

6 current obsessions: from movies to books.

notebook, flower and a pen

Hello, dear readers! It’s currently Tuesday evening as I am writing this because last week was very… eventful. I’ve moved to a different city, got another tattoo and am walking from one job interview to another, trying to decide which one to take. At first I was panicking, wondering, who would ever want to hire me and then – bam! – I have had eight job interviews already. I think, I won’t go to any more and just take my pick now.  But enough about the life update, it’s time to share another lovely post with you which today will be 6 things that I have been obsessed with in the first half of 2018. I know that a lot of other bloggers share monthly favorites but, honestly, my taste doesn’t change that often and, considering the fact that I post about 4 posts every month, I would rather share more of other things. However, this time I decided to share 6 things I loved this year so far. Enjoy!

  1. Movie “American satan”. Since I discovered it in early January, this has been one of my favorite movies ever. I have watched it several times and every time I watch it, it still is exciting. And no, it’s not only because of Andy Biersack although he looks handsome. The reason why I love this movie is the plot and amazing soundtracks, who are performed by the band Palaye Royale (even though movie presents the as songs by fictional band The Relentless). If you are into rock music, a little edgy movies or you simply like Andy Biersack and Black Veil Brides, you will love this movie.
  2. Band “Mother mother”. I don’t remember when exactly in 2018 I discovered this band but I definitely think they are underrated and deserve more attention. If you don’t know where to start, I would suggest to listen to their latest album “No culture” first. My personal favorites from it are “Love stuck”, “The drugs”, “Mouth of the devil”, “No culture” and “Family”.
  3. TV series “Dynasty”. When I first saw the trailer, I didn’t think that TV series about spoiled rich people would be my thing but after two or three episodes I became addicted. At first Elizabeth Gillies caught my eye but then I actually stayed for the intriguing plot. Sadly waiting for season 2 is a real struggle. However, give “Dynasty” a try!
  4. Youtuber Muchelleb. At some point you have probably heard me mentioning inspiring youtuber Kalyn Nicholson, who posts videos about planning, organizing and basically getting few steps closer to your dream life. Muchelleb posts kind of similar content but isn’t as well-known, so I decided to give this girl a little shout out. I have started watching her channel at the beginning of this year and I still love it, especially videos about minimalism.
  5. Musician Barns Courtney. My latest and probably biggest music related obsession that I stumbled across sometime in May. He falls under folk pop and blues rock genres and his music is the closest to some music ideal in my head. The guitar in every song and the mix of folk and rock vibes just makes it sound a little dark but empowering at the same time. I am still at the process of discovering his music but so far my favorite songs are “Kicks”, “Golden dandelions” and “Champion”.
  6. Book “99 francs (14,99 euros)” by Frederic Beigbeder. If you know me, you are probably aware that for a while my favorite writer has been Frederic Beigbeder. When it comes to music, movies, books or any art form, I love a lot of shocking, dark and weird stuff. “99 francs” is one of those books that most people would consider weird, even shocking and disgusting but it also includes a lot of interesting and deep thoughts, and unusual but great humor.

I will end this list here and a little early because I simply lack time to write longer post at the moment, however, it is my pleasure to share a little bit more of my thoughts every week. Thank you for reading and until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Leaving the closet: a confession of a bisexual. #PrideMonth

hands of a woman on the laptop keyboard and a white cup of tea on the table beside her

Hello, dear readers! This is probably the most exciting and nerve wrecking post I have ever written on my blog, so it explains why I am publishing in the evening of Wednesday but I just thought…. it’s time. If you didn’t already know that, June is Pride Month where people of different sexualities are celebrating simply being their true selves. If you are straight, there’s a big chance you feel like LGBT+ community is just shoving all the ways they are different down your throat. Maybe you are upset because heterosexuals aren’t celebrating their sexuality the same way. But… why should they? Being straight is like a default setting. You don’t have to come out to your friends and/or family, you don’t have to hide that you have a crush on someone as an adult because that counts as “normal”.

So, I am not going to stretch out the intro of this post any longer and will just say what I wanted to say. I am bisexual and I am fully comfortable with it. I like guys and girls the same way which, however, doesn’t mean that I like both genders equally. If you are a bisexual as well, you will know that this can fluctuate. At some point you might like guys more, at some point – girls, at some point both of these genders equally. Before I get into my own personal story, I will just clear out few more stereotypes out of the way, so we can continue this conversation in a non-judgemental atmosphere.

  • “Bisexuals are just greedy, they want to have “the best of both worlds”. I bet you didn’t expect this to be coming but there are actually a lot of monogamous bisexuals out there, some of them are even happily married.
  • “But if you date the same-sex partner right now, you must be homosexual or if you have a partner of opposite gender, you are straight.” Wrong. Sexuality is about who you can experience romantic and/or sexual attraction towards to, not who you date at the moment.
  • “Bisexual people most likely have crushes on their same-sex friends.” This is something that I have noticed in girl friendships – there are some straight girls, who are just attached to the idea that if I am bisexual, I have a crush on them. No, just no. Please, get over yourself. If a straight girls has a bunch of guy friends, do you think she has a crush on most or all of them? I don’t think so.
  • “All bisexuals must love the idea of a threesome.” Ummm, no. Don’t assume that we are interested in that way more than people with different sexual orientations. A lot of us put love first and are not up to crazy sexual experiments just because we can experience sexual attraction towards both genders.
  • “You are gay but just won’t admit it.” Although some homosexuals for certain reasons pretend to be bisexual for a while, it doesn’t mean that all bisexual people are secretly gay.

And now, when I have cleared some of the most annoying myths about bisexuality, we can get to my story. Growing up I felt pretty much like a typical straight girl. I remember watching romantic movies with my mum, cringing a lot but still picturing in my head that one day I will meet my Prince Charming with dark hair, piercing blue eyes and cute dimples in his cheeks. To make it even more cliché, I imagined him in an expensive suit and having great manners. Little did I know that this fantasy is way too far from the reality and most men in the world just don’t suit this ideal male version I created in my head. However, when I was a kid there was no doubt that my ideal partner could be anything but a man.

During my teen years some barely noticeable clues popped up here and there but I didn’t think too much of it. Every now and then my eyes lingered a little longer on attractive guys as well as girls but that was it. I still kissed only boys and first person I fell in love with and had sort of relationship with was a guy. Until one time about a year ago when I developed a huge crush on a woman and the way I felt was no different from having a crush on a guy felt. I still experienced a whole rollercoaster of emotions – from warm happiness that was caused by interesting conversations we had to sadness and confusion which made me cry in my pillow cause I didn’t know, how to tell her, how I feel. I will not get into details on who she is and how we met cause, like she said when I finally confessed to my feelings, my crush is more about me than her. Even though our feelings weren’t mutual, I was glad that we didn’t cut off contact completely and I’m simply thankful for this experience in general. If life is all about self discovery, then at that point I discovered something new about myself.

Enough time has passed for me to accept this part of myself and now I feel confident enough to share it with the world. I have shared this with people, who are the closest to me and I’m lucky that most of them are completely accepting. I may not participate in Pride yet but speaking about this on my blog is one of the first steps towards accepting another part of me. Another reason why I am sharing this is to inspire you to embrace yourself, no matter who you are. Sexuality is something natural and beautiful that no one should be ashamed about. Don’t listen to anyone, who says that there is something wrong with you, if you are not straight. Love is love and love between two men or two women can be as beautiful and pure as love between a man and a woman. Also, we live in 21st century and there are so many shamelessly proud examples from LGBT+ community between celebrities, such as Halsey, Shailene Woodley, Megan Fox, Nico Tortorella, Sia, Lady GaGa, Alan Cumming and many more. Be proud of who you are. If you feel the need to come out and it’s safe – do it! If not, it’s fine and you are still as valid as everyone else, who is already “out of the closet”.

I will end this post here but you can definitely expect more LGBT+ related posts on my blog in the future. Happy Pride Month (or what’s left of it) and I will see you next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

25 life lessons I learned during my high school years.

students at graduation, throwing their hats in the air

Hello, dear readers! This blog post is going live only two days before my graduation. Yes, I’m finally graduating from high school and four years of struggles and breakthroughs are finally over. This period in my life was definitely way better than first nine years in my previous school but not easier at all. Sorry to break it to you but, as you grow up, life doesn’t get easier, however, you do get stronger. If at the age of seven you were sitting in the corner and crying about mean comment someone said to you, then at the age of nineteen you just brush it off and focus on what matters. Since I started my studies at high school, I have learned a lot of lessons about people, living on my own, self-development and school, so today when I’m super close to closing this chapter of my life, I decided to share some high school student’s wisdom with you. Let’s start, shall we?

  1. It is normal to be clueless about your career path in high school. You are not the only one, a lot of your peers don’t know what to do with their life yet, too.
  2. Overcoming anxiety and speaking up in class pays off. It’s better to experience a short moment of embarrassment during one of your lessons that fail the exam.
  3. Growing apart from your old friends is normal. I know that you probably braided friendship bracelets as a kid with this person, spent a lot of hours at their house and promised each other to get matching tattoos but, if this person doesn’t help you grow and/or doesn’t make you happy anymore, it’s time to let go.
  4. Depression is a diagnosis not a life sentence. In a lot of cases you can get better.
  5. Don’t waste your time on getting mad about things you can’t change. Shit happens and sometimes the only option is to move on. So you got played by some dude, who appeared to be Prince Charming at the first sight and now you are hurt. What are you going to do? Waste your energy on trying to teach him a lesson? If his mother couldn’t do that, you won’t be able to either.
  6. First impressions might be false. Maybe in two years you will despise people, who acted like your friends during first two weeks of high school and that’s alright.
  7. Don’t go to buy groceries when you are hungry or too full. In first case scenario you will buy more food than you can possibly eat and in second one you won’t buy enough and be mad about it later.
  8. When it comes to alcohol, know your limit. More alcohol doesn’t always equal more fun. There’s nothing fun about the situation when you are puking your guts out and the force of gravity seems to be irresistible. Believe me, I learned it the hard way.
  9. If you decide to get drunk, make sure there’s someone, who will take care of you when you have had one too many drinks. Nothing is worse than being sick from too much alcohol and seeing that no one around you cares about your wellbeing. Again, trust me, I have experienced that.
  10. Just because you have made a mistake, it doesn’t mean that you are a mistake. We all have done at least one thing that had really bad consequences and that we truly regret but what is done, is done. It’s human to make mistakes and blaming yourself for the rest of your life won’t make anything better.w
  11. Planning and getting more stuff done is cool. Really. Bullet journals are not only a great place to plan your day, month and year but also express your creativity. If it is personalized for your taste, you will be more tempted to use it.
  12. Don’t keep things in your life that make you unhappy. It doesn’t matter, if those are clothes, people you follow on Instagram, pictures of your ex or anything else. If doesn’t bring you joy, get rid of it and focus on what makes you truly happy.
  13. Don’t forget about self-care and don’t feel guilty about having some “me” time. Yes, you deserve those 30 minutes of reading your favorite book even though you still have to study for finals. Don’t drive yourself nuts by prohibiting yourself relaxation. Sleep is not the only type of rest your need.
  14. Appreciate every moment you can spend with your high school friends. Moving away is an exciting and fresh start but leaving high school friends is heart-breaking.
  15. Don’t break up with someone over text. And don’t say “I love you” for the first time through text either. Those things are serious enough to be brought up in person.
  16. Don’t shy away from STD talk. It’s better to be safe than sorry and even if you have STD, be honest about it and also mention all the ways you can prevent it from giving it to your partner.
  17. Don’t be scared to be confused about your sexual orientation. Especially during late teen years and in your 20’s it’s okay to feel curious and feel the need to explore.
  18. When someone has betrayed you and treated you badly, you have two choices – to start treating everyone around you badly or forgive your enemy and spread love in this world. Pick the second option.
  19. It’s okay to communicate with your closest friends only few times a week. The amount of text messages sent doesn’t define the strength of the friendship.
  20. The best teachers are those, who not only can teach the subject very well but also add some life lessons along the way. I have had two teachers in high school, who were like that and I appreciate them with all my heart.
  21. A person’s age has nothing to do with his level of maturity. Some people in their thirties and forties can have the logic of a fifteen year old. *sighs*
  22. Learn to enjoy the time you spend alone. There’s nothing wrong with taking yourself out for a coffee, dinner, concert or an interesting local workshop. In fact, moments like those might help you clear your mind and maybe even get inspired.
  23. Set your eyes on the goal and face your fear. So what if launching that awesome blog you are working on takes hours of research? So what if getting into your dream school means that you need to raise your average grade? Procrastinating because of fear or quitting everything won’t help you to live your dream life. I know you’re scared to take the risk but just do it.
  24. Don’t believe your Math teacher, you won’t use that Pythagorean theorem ever again. Well, unless one day you decide to become a Math teacher yourself.
  25. No matter, how weird you are, you will always find someone, who likes your for who you are. Fitting in isn’t a thing anymore when there are so many different types of people in the world.

I will just end this post here and pat myself on the shoulder because this has definitely been the longest blog post I have ever written on Dolls Have Hearts. What life lessons did you learn in your high school years? Share in the comments below! Until next time!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

My bucket list for the summer of 2018

River and woods

Hello, dear readers! If you are in your late teens or older, you have probably heard about such thing as bucket list. Usually it’s made to list all the things that we want to do before we die. I, however, felt like it’s too generic and I get a little confused, which of the things should I get done now and which can wait, for example, ten more years. That is why I decided to make a smaller and more realistic bucket list for this summer. In this one I am not going to mention that I would like to, let’s say, visit Big Apple because it’s not my priority at the moment and it’s way too expensive. So, without any further intro, let’s see what I hope to accomplish this summer.

  1. Get a summer job. (For some weird reason I have never had a summer job, only a temporary one during my studies.)
  2. Get another tattoo. (During past year a lot has changed and I feel like it’s time to get another beautiful “mark” on my body that will have a different story behind it.)
  3. Talk to a stranger during a bus ride. (Accomplished on May 31st. Okay, I didn’t actually talk to the guy but I passed him a note and we had an old school type of conversation that way.)
  4. Give gifts to the most meaningful teachers in my current school. (Accomplished in 5th and 6th of June.)
  5. Look absolutely stunning in my graduation – with perfect dress, hair and everything.
  6. Visit “Robert’s books”. (If you know me well then you also know I’m obsessed with nice bookstores and cafes. In this case, it’s a bookstore and cafe all in one.)
  7. Take myself on a solo date to the cinema. (I have never went to a movie by myself and have been to the cinema only once in my life. Time to switch things up.)
  8. Try to imitate one of my childhood idol’s looks back in the day when I was obsessed with her.
  9. Try out lava cakes. (Nope, I haven’t had one in my life. | Done on 18th of June.)
  10. Go to a concert by myself. (It doesn’t matter, if it’s huge concert or not, this summer is about enjoying being single.)
  11. Make cocoa jelly. (It might seem a little cheesy but this little thing really brings me back to the childhood.)
  12. Try out pole dancing. (This has been on my bucket list for way too long but I’m still very curious about it.)
  13. Rewrite my CV. (It’s time. Really. I’m no longer unexperienced girl in her late teens.| Completed on June 11th.)
  14. Share incredibly personal thing on my blog. (Just wait for it, I’ll publish the post when I’m ready. 🙂 )
  15. Get a tuition loan for studies in UK.
  16. Get accepted in Bangor university.
  17. Pack for moving to Wales. (These three things are kind of tied together and I’m keeping my fingers crossed, just so everything would work out. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time.)
  18. Spend time with my closest friends as much as possible before moving away.
  19. Treat myself with a nice massage. (I really don’t remember the last time I had one.)
  20. Go to the zoo. (That’s the place I visited quite a few times as a kid with my grandfather, Oh, memories…)
  21. Dye my hair in an unusual colour. 
  22. Get rid of a smartphone and get usual mobile phone instead.
  23. Finish my current art journal. (For past few months I kind of stopped art journaling but now that I have returned to it, I remembered, how much I actually enjoy it.)
  24. Enjoy a rainy day like I used to when I was a kid. (Even if that means jumping into puddles while wearing just a swimsuit.)
  25. Cut out all the the toxic and meaningless people from my life. (What’s the point of keeping numbers in my phone that I haven’t used for ages, keeping it touch with people, who make me feel less than or still being Facebook friends with people I haven’t talked to for last 4 years?)
  26. Clean my closet from clothes and shoes that don’t fit or don’t make me happy anymore. (Even after several attempts to clean out my closet, there are still several things left that don’t fit me and don’t make me happy anymore. When I move away from home, I won’t be able to take a lot of clothes with me, so choosing process will be easier when I only have the ones that look good on me.)

That is it for my summer bucket list at the moment. Maybe I will add some bullet points later but right now it seems pretty lengthy already because some of these things can take several days or weeks. However, I thought that creating a bucket list for a specific time period could really help me to make the best out of it and realize that I don’t need to wait for a perfect time to start doing things that I have always wanted to do.

Do you have a bucket list for this summer? If so, what’s on it? Share in the comments bellow. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 reasons why I stopped using Tinder and other dating apps.

Brunette, sitting on a bench, holding a smartphone in her hand with white headphones laying beside her

Hello, dear readers! If you are anywhere below the age of eighteen, you are probably familiar with the hype about dating apps. Tinder, Match.com , OkCupid, HotOrNot, Happn, Once and many more apps are right at out fingertips and during the teenage years it might seem that if you are still single when you turn eighteen, you might actually find someone decent online. No more worrying about very few options to pick from. When I turned eighteen, I felt excited, too. Not because I could finally buy some wine or beer (although that’s also great) but because I could finally start using these popular dating apps that everyone was talking about. Don’t get me wrong – I was not obsessed with finding someone just so I don’t die alone. I was just bored and wanted to find someone to have interesting conversations with. However, after about a year of trying out different apps I gave up and here are five reasons, why I did it.

  1. I hate small talk. Guys on dating apps don’t have any conversation skills. In worst case I don’t even get a message. In a better case scenario I get simple “hey”. (Is that really all you have got? You definitely know, how to impress a girl.) And in best case scenario (which is not great anyway) I get “Hey, how are you doing?” or “Hey, you’re so sexy.” At first I thought that this happens only on apps like Tinder, who seem to be used mainly for hookups but turns out it’s a pretty common thing on every dating app.
  2. A lot of dating apps that are seemingly free, include paid upgrades that allow to send unlimited messages, view profiles etc. I’m so tired of this bullshit. Stop advertising a certain dating app as completely free, if it’s not. No one likes to create an account in hopes of meeting someone just discover later that they can’t send a message to their crush cause they don’t have a “premium membership”.
  3. I believe that all long-lasting relationships start out as friendships. And by long-lasting I mean at least 5 years, that’s the very minimum. The thing is – no one on dating sites is looking for a friendship, they are pretty straightforward right away. I, on the other hand, am a demisexual (which means I’m experiencing sexual attraction towards someone only when I have formed emotional bond with that person) don’t know right away, if I will want to engage in sexual activity with a certain person and I don’t want to rush it. To me chemistry should happen before physical intimacy, not afterwards. Sadly, most people, especially guys, think the opposite way.
  4. They’re full of catfishes and underage people. That’s the biggest risk of dating online – everyone can be, whoever he or she wants to me. Fifteen year olds can pretend they are twenty and the guy next door can pretend that he looks like Ansel Elgort. You may never know, if a person you are talking to is telling you the truth. Some people install dating apps just because they’re bored, some because they want to catfish others, some just are too curious and decide not to obey the rules (underage people!). Either way, that makes the mission of finding the perfect match even more impossible.
  5. Personality tests to help you find your perfect match are pretty much useless. So what, if someone doesn’t smoke, is caucasian, likes to go on coffee dates and is a cat person? That still doesn’t mean that we will get along. Sure, so-called personality tests are simply interesting to fill out but do they really increase your chances of meeting your ideal partner? I highly doubt that. It’s just another scam to make you more interested in certain dating app and assure you that somehow it’s better than all the others.

So those are five main reasons why I decided to stop using dating apps. I could rant more about their uselessness but I think that I already gave you enough reasons in this post. From now on I will just simply focus on being more present and meeting people in person. To tie this post with the previous one – life is not what happens on your phone. It’s what happens around you while you are too busy swiping and double tapping. Live here and now! However, if you actually have dating app success story and you disagree with my opinion, feel free to share your thoughts in comment section. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

How smartphone is ruining your life without you even knowing it.

Blonde girl sitting near the fountain with a phone in her hand.

Hello, dear readers! Today I am sharing with you more of an essay type of post about the topic that has been on my mind for quite a while. Without any further intro, let’s dive in.

“What a shiny, little thing!” You think to yourself as you open the box and unpack your new smart phone. It is beautiful, without a single scratch, works incredibly fast and offers a lot of opportunities. You are excited about being able to stay in touch with your friends 24/7, sharing a lot of interesting things on social media, playing games… You feel like you will never get bored again. There’s a whole world beneath your fingertips and instantly you get hooked, forgetting about the fact that your old phone was just the same way when you bought it but turned into laggy, slow and boring device months later.

First month of having a new phone feels like a honeymoon period. You are still exploring it’s options and don’t go anywhere without it. It responds to all of your wants and needs so well. It doesn’t really matter, how often your friends text you because the internet is full of opportunities. You will take that flawless selfie for Instagram, you will tweet non stop, you will post updates on Snapchat, trying to make your life seem more interesting that it actually is. You will anything to gain those followers on each social media platform because the more people follow you, the more influence you have… right? Wrong.

When the honeymoon period is over, you slowly start feeling like your phone doesn’t excite you as much. You keep checking it quite often to get the rush of endorphins but all you get is disappointment. Endless Youtube and Instagram notifications keep popping up but your inbox is still empty. No new messages. No missed calls. Nothing. Do your friends even think about you? If they are, why aren’t they checking up on you? Oh, look, they posted this picture on Instagram, doing some fun things but… you’re not on it. Are they even your friends? What if you don’t have any friends and all the people you used to communicate you were just pretending to like you? Anxious thoughts start racing in your mind and with every second you start feeling worse.

When messaging apps don’t carry any meaning anymore, you turn to social media apps. Maybe, if you post something exciting on Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat, someone will text you. Maybe someone will comment. Maybe someone, anyone will care. But… what can you post, if no one invites you to hang out anymore? If you post third selfie in row where you’re all by yourself, people will think that you are an antisocial freak. Or maybe a narcissist, who’s only cares about your own looks. You wouldn’t want that, right? So you post nothing, yet keep checking up on all the apps. Day by day you are losing followers on social media sites and the only people, who send you texts are your parents. But that doesn’t really count, does it? They are obligated to check up on you.

It’s been several months since your excitement about the “shiny, little thing”died. It doesn’t look so pretty and new anymore. Your smart phone is covered in scratches and the screen is cracked from that one time you went for a run and dropped it on the sidewalk. Even when you open music player, it takes ages to load and when it finally does, and you start listening to music, your phone freezes. The music stops. This device is nothing but a disappointment. It has made you feel lonely, unpopular and less than you are. Even worse, it has stopped performing the most basic actions it should be able to do – texting, calling, setting up an alarm, playing music…

Can it get any worse? You don’t want to spend a lot of money to buy new smart phone only after a year of using your current one but seems like you have no other choice… Wake up! There is a choice – you can stop wasting your money on smartphones. They are built to break after a year or so. That is how phone brands make money. If you would be able to buy a smartphone that lasts 5 or 10 years, there would be way less smartphone purchases meaning less money for phone brands. Also, do you really want to tie your life and self-esteem to a device? Do you really want to spend your whole life online instead of living in the moment? Do you really want to measure your self-worth in followers and likes? Do you want to live in constant anxiety, wondering why you haven’t received any text messages? Just think about it.

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.