4 reasons why I stopped using Tumblr.

computer, pen, plan and a hand, holding a cup of coffee

Hello, dear readers! I have finally rediscovered a way to write my blog posts faster and in time. A cup of coffee really does wonders. Anyways, today I wanted to talk about Tumblr – every teenager’s (ages 11 to 16) favorite social media platform. At least it was that way when I was about thirteen years old. I guess, it was not only a good way, how to socialize with peers but also a way to appear cooler than you actually are because you had a “blog”. Even if that blog consisted only from stuff that was reblogged from other people and had nothing to do with your life. I have to admit that I was such a Tumblr junkie back in the day. I used to spend a lot of time on it when I was depressed and confused about teen problems. At the time when Tumblr was full of fandom accounts, grunge blogs and similar stuff instead of porn bots, it was a place where to hide and feel like you actually matter. Once I actually had a blog with 500+ followers there and no, I didn’t post anything original there at all. However, time passed. After trying to create several different blogs on Tumblr, my obsession finally died at the age of 17. I tried going back to it again, hoping that it will love it as much as I used to but the feeling is gone. Maybe that is since I created Dolls Have Hearts and started treating it seriously. So enough of the intro for this post, here are my three reason why I stopped using Tumblr.

  1. It is full of  porn bots. God forbid, if you don’t turn “safe search” on. And even if you do that, there is still is a chance that they will follow you. All it takes is to reblog few fitspo pictures of attractive women and porn bots are coming for you. Do you know, how annoying it is that one fifth of your followers are bots? They’re just increasing the number of your followers but, of course not interacting at all. Sadly there’s no way to keep them away from this blogging platform, so keeping a blog there would mean clearing out the follower list every now and then just to block bots.
  2. The temptation to reblog content instead of making it myself is huge. No other blogging platform advertises reposting content as much as Tumblr does. You can literally have your own blog by just mindlessly reblogging and never speaking your own mind. In my option the main purpose of having a blog is to make a change in the world. Even if only ten people read your post and only four of them comment, it still counts. That is why I am keeping up Dolls Have Hearts. I know that I might not grow my follower count here as fast as I could on Tumblr but my followers here are truly genuine, want to interract, care about what I post and come here because of my opinion not some pretty pictures I have reblogged.
  3. There are rarely any blogs, who  post quality written content. Don’t get me wrong, I really like quality photography but I would like to see someone on Tumblr, who actually wants to inspire and inform people, and make the world a better place. There was an age when I used to enjoy Tumblr but right now I just feel like it is filled with confused teenagers, who are obsessed with different music bands and… I’m just not one of them. Not anymore.
  4. Post scheduling and staying active was hard. I noticed a while ago that the most popular blogs on Tumblr are popular because they are always active, not because they are posting quality stuff. I don’t want to be glued to my computer screen 24/7 and there are so many things I want to accomplish in life without worrying about losing my followers meanwhile. Having a blog on WordPress allows me to do just that. I can easily post one lengthy quality post every week at the same time and keep my readers interested.

I could go on and on about reasons why I quit Tumblr but I will end this here. In my opinion, if you are serious blogger, who wants to get your own voice out there, don’t use Tumblr. It’s not worth it. (Unless you are a fashion blogger, I guess. I don’t know for sure because I don’t fall into that category.) Don’t be fooled by pretty themes and widgets.

That is all I have to share with you today. I can see that not only my follower list but also my e-mail subscriber list has been growing slowly but surely. Thank you all for reading and liking my posts, and interacting with me. You can’t even imagine, how much that means to me. I know that Dolls With Hearts are currently quite a small crowd but every sign of appreciation from you makes me smile. My blog would never be the way it is without each and every one of you. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

The true reason why you might feel stuck in a rut at the job you love.

Sad asian girl next to a rose bush

Hello, dear readers! Few years I was obsessed with the idea that I really want to learn more about psychology. No, not to learn in a professional way but just to understand myself and other people more. One of the things I remember very well reading about was motivation. More specifically, what is needed to keep us going. There were two main components – inner motivation and outer motivation. Inner motivation is the kind that makes you do something because you simply love it and want to become better at it. Outer motivation is something that we get from the world or people around us. It might be a paycheck, it might appreciation etc. In order to function properly, we need both of these motivation levels around the same level. If we lack one or the other, noticeable changes start to happen. Why am I writing about all of this? Because I noticed these changes happening in my own life but I didn’t know, how to explain it properly. That was until just few days ago when I picked up a book by Dale Carnegie, called “How to win friends and influence people”. First part of the book is called “Fundamental techniques in handling people”. The second principle of this part is “Give honest and sincere appreciation”. That’s when it hit me.

A sudden realization came over me: it’s shocking, how often we either confuse appreciation with flattery or forget about appreciation at all. I bet all of you more or less are familiar with the situation in which, if you do something bad or make a mistake, you get criticized (often way more than you should be) but when you do something good, no one says a word. I have faced this situation quite often since early childhood. When I was little and did something good for my parents, I rarely received true appreciation. It was either nothing or a simple “thank you”. Of course, I didn’t expect fireworks and medals but… could they at least be proud of me, be happy about me? Once I asked my mum, why isn’t she happy that I, for example, helped around the house without anyone asking me to and did she even notice. And she simply told me: “It’s great that you did that but I really don’t know what you expected. It is self-evident when a person does a good thing.” Now let’s take a completely opposite situation. I did something bad. Maybe told my parents that I will be studying while they’re away but sneaked out of the house to visit my best friend instead and got caught later. Do you think they were as calm as when I did something good? Not at all. Such a small “sin” caused a huge argument and there were times when one of my parents or even both of them didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Those are just childhood events but… there definitely was something wrong with them.

Let’s take another example! Let’s fast forward about 7 years later when I had been studying in musical school for few years. When I was a little kid, I often got praised for doing something very well in my guitar lessons. However, when “the crazy teenager age” came, things started to change. I started to have my own opinion about how I should play and how I shouldn’t play, what I liked and what I didn’t. That was when the conflicts started and I got scolded when I didn’t succeed but when I finally did something well, it was barely noticed, if at all. Those were just two examples from my own life but they can be applied to a person in every age group. The point is – we all feel the need to appreciated. Don’t confused it with flatter though. Flattery is insincere but appreciation is sincere. We need appreciation to move forward and keep doing great things. Like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, there are two types of motivation – inner and outer. Let’s say you have inner motivation, you are learning, how to paint and you love it. However, no matter, how much you try to “get your work” out there, no one really seems to care. They don’t buy your paintings, they don’t compliment them, all they do is take a look and leave. How would you feel? Well, maybe you wouldn’t care for the first day or week but later… You start to feel like you are not good at what you’re doing, there is no progress… So what’s the point of continuing to do this thing at all? You are left with two options then – you can give up or you can keep struggling. What I am trying to say with all of this?

Appreciation is important for everyone. If you see that someone has done something good, don’t hesitate to let them know. Sometimes it is incredibly hard to notice the results of your work yourself and sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try, no one will appreciate it anyways. So don’t hesitate to express honest appreciation. It could change someone’s day, maybe even week or month. American philosopher John Dewey has said the deepest urge in human nature is a desire to be important. Appreciation makes us feel that way. So, go ahead and someone’s day today!

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

“Liberated: the new sexual revolution” – shocking and eye-opening must see documentary.

Girl with her hands raised at the party
Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6710214/mediaviewer/rm4063704576

Hello, dear readers! I really thought I should not post so many movie reviews on my blog because it would literally turn it into a movie review blog but this movie just turned my world upside down. Anyone, who knows me well, knows that I am not the type of person, who loves documentaries but this… hits pretty close to home to everyone, who is 14 to 30 years old. And, because Dolls Have Hearts readers are in that age group, I just had to review this. This is not a usual movie review like the ones I have posted before. This is a life-changing movie. So, let’s dive right in!

I found out about this movie few days ago and the trailer didn’t look very promising. For some reason I thought that this movie will show that hook-up culture is okay and that’s just how things are in 21st century. Thankfully, it did not. I really liked that this movie was divided into several parts – a male perspective into hook-up culture, a female perspective into hook-up culture and several others. Even though the truth made me cringe and cry a lot, it was so brilliant just because it was very realistic. There is so much pressure on young people nowadays. Girls are expected to look like models on magazine covers because it seems that they can only be cool and good enough, if they are desired. Boys, on the other hand, are expected to have sex with as many possible because somehow it is one of the ways, how they can show off their manliness. The more women they have sex with, the more desirable they become. I can see this ideology existing in modern world but I still don’t understand, how we have become these animals, who have made sex and sexuality this huge, important thing that basically shows our value. I can’t even put into words, how fucked up this is.

Even though I have never been on of those girls, who are always desired by most guys, I know very well, how it feels to “be on the other side”. From early teen years I have realized that, if I am not sexually appealing in the eyes of the opposite sex (mostly her peers), no one will look at me twice. No one will talk to me, everyone will laugh at my clothes, body, the way I smile, talk and move. I am automatically treated like not good enough and like I don’t deserve love in general. At the same time I have seen those desirable girls around me. Do you think they were treated like queens? No, never. They were girls, who used to show as much skin as possible just to fit in and hang out with boys. Those were girls, who let boys touch their breasts behind the curtains at school discos and who often couldn’t even walk because they got too drunk, trying to prove guys that they are cool. They were the ones, who got fucked and made fun of later. So, it looks like no matter on which side you are, you can’t win.

Talking about boys – it was hard for me to understand their point of view until I saw this movie. I always thought they were just born evil and truly enjoyed sleeping with any girl they could get their hands on and then slut shaming them afterwards. It’s like… they were not really human. After watching “Liberated: the new sexual revolution”, I kind of started to realize that they are also in a very unpleasant situation. So much pressure is put on them, too. A guy can either choose to be the undesirable virgin, who gets bullied at school or a seemingly heartless player, who is pressure into sleeping with as many girls as possible just to be cool in the eyes of his friends. No matter what they do, they can’t win either.

Now that I have briefly told you what the movie is about and what are my thoughts on the hook-up culture that it describes, here is the trailer.  If you are in your teen years or in your twenties, I’d highly suggest you to watch this documentary. It explains so much of what is happening with young adults all around the world right now. In a fucked up way, indeed but still. Just watch it.

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

 

 

#GirlbossSeries : how to create your perfect evening routine.

woman, sleeping on the couch, under the blue, fluffy blanket

Hello, dear readers! A little while back on Dolls Have Hearts I talked about, how important is to have a personalized morning routine to start your day the right way. Good news – #GirlbossSeries are not dead and I am back to talk about evening routine – something that most people either do not know about or just forget about. Now, think about, how your evening goes, from the time you get back home until the moment you go to sleep. Do you just walk through the door, throw your clothes on the chair and fall into bed because you are so tired? Do you order pizza and binge watch some Netflix series? If your evening looks similar to these examples, you need to create an evening routine as soon as possible! “But how?” You may ask. “And what should I even include in it?”

The purpose of evening routine is to get few last urgent tasks done and prepare you for a new, successful day. If you spend last few hours before going to sleep in front of your computer screen, it will take longer for you to fall asleep and, if you are anything like me, it will leave you fewer hours of sleep during the night. It is so easy to start watching Youtube videos or TV series and to keep telling yourself: “Oh, just one more episode…” until you realize it is 2 a.m. and you only have about 4 or 5 hours left to sleep. Get rid of this poor habit by creating an evening routine. Here are some ideas that you can include in it.

  • Pick clothes for the next day.
  • Take off your make-up.
  • Do an evening workout or stretching. (Optional, because some people prefer to work out in the morning. Not me, though.)
  • Cook dinner or do some meal prep for the next day.
  • Take a shower.
  • Plan the next day in your planner or bullet journal.
  • Brush your teeth.
  • Read one chapter of a book.
  • Apply face cream.
  • Paint your nails.
  • Write your thoughts in your journal. (Lack ideas for what to write in it? A new post about journal prompts is coming soon on my blog!)
  • Put on some calming music. (Sometimes it makes me fall asleep faster. Check out my “Late night” playlist on Spotify here.)
  • Drink some chamomile tea (or any other tea that helps you to relax).
  • Pack your bag for the next day.
  • Do 10 min clean up. (Even if it means just watering your plants and changing bed sheets or organizing your desk.)
  • Set alarms and put your phone away. (Do not fall asleep with your phone in your hands while scrolling through Twitter!)
  • Meditate.

Bold points in red are the ones I suggest you to do first because later you just will not feel like doing them. When you are already in your bed, reading a book, feeling a little sleepy, you probably will not be feeling like getting up and doing some meal prep. So, set your priorities straight and leave the most pleasant stuff right before going to sleep. Now, when I have told you about how to create your evening routine, I feel like I really should rearrange mine. Getting straight into bed with a cup of tea and binge watching Youtube videos is my a bad habit of mine, especially lately, when I have no motivation for my studies at school. Even working as a teacher seemed way more exciting than studying music. However, as I mentioned in my previous post – there is a light at the end of the tunnel, which is getting into my dream university and starting over almost from a blank page. If you, just like me, find it hard to follow your morning and evening routines, and planning, find your “light at the end of the tunnel”. What are you looking forward to? Why are you going through all of this and what do you want to achieve? Even if that is the goal no one else but you believes, stick with that. There is always a hope. Besides – following your morning and evening routines, and keeping up bullet journaling will feel as easy as one, two, three, if you know where you are heading.

That is all for today’s post on Dolls Have Hearts and I will see you next week with a new, inspiring post! Have a lovely week!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Life update: career goals, school, love and everything else.

Mountains and hands, holding flowers

Hello, dear readers! No matter what, I am promising you and myself to stay consistent at blogging. This time my life got so messy that I had no proper post to prepare, so I am writing this instead and letting you know, how things are going.

University applications have stressed me out a lot. In the middle of January I applied to five UK universities through UCAS. So far I have received three conditional offers, one rejection and… probably will receive another rejection, which makes me wonder, if choosing BA in Creative writing was a good idea in the first place. However, my favorite university offered me the place almost immediately and, even though they did not ask for a writing example, I am excited that they gave me a chance. I will not reveal the name of the university yet but all I can say right now is that it is located in incredibly beautiful place, has a lot of student societies, lovely and affordable dorms and wonderful Fresher’s week events. Even though applying to uni abroad seems a little hectic, I can not wait until I am done and, in a way, starting my life over. New town, new school, new friends and… new me.

Current school is making me very unhappy. I notice that I do not fit in at all and the thing is – I do not want to. However, I would rather get away from it all as quick as possible than dwell in this routine. Lessons do not excite me anymore – most musical subject are way too dry and boring. Most people around me seem completely different from me. No one likes to read, no one is interested in self-improvement, no one is writing a blog… Nothing. I feel like a swan between pigeons. When it comes to self-expression in music, I have completely made up my mind to get higher education in some other subject. I am just not charismatic and extroverted enough to succeed. I feel like I am completely failing at what I do and no one helps me to get out of it. Anyways, there are just three months left, so I am counting down days.

Love, oh love… Does it still exists nowadays? I feel like most people do not know what love even is, they just assume they know what it is. Communication between people, especially women and men is fucked up. Women feel too much but men are repulsed by emotional women. It is like they want some kind of blow-up doll, who could also cook and clean the house. Anything else? Meaningless. Just God forbid you tell them, how you really feel. They are disgusted by vulnerability and affection. Romantic type of love seems to have died out. However, there is a certain male person, whose name I will not mention with who I can be myself. No, we are not a couple and we will never be. We are not even in love. Maybe we are just friends, who lack a certain type of intimacy, so get it from each other. (And no, I am not talking only about sex.) He does not get repulsed when I am emotional, he calms me down instead. Surprisingly, he even like how I play the guitar. I have never met someone, whose occupation in not creative and who enjoys the music I perform that much. I am not in love but I simply appreciate him. Life has weird ways of introducing you with people, who later gain meaning in your life. He is one of them. Maybe, after I graduate, I will never see him again but I will be thankful that I once knew him. He is the reason I still do not believe that “all men are the same”.

I am getting addicted to writing. A little more than a month ago I bought beautiful hardcover notebook. I, just like many others, have a weakness for blank, beautiful and thick notebooks. I might have ten of them at home but I will still buy one more just because writing certain things in a certain notebook feels right. So, I bought the notebook to grow my writing habit. To make it a little harder, I decided to write in it only in English. I started out with a page or half page a day but now I can write several pages each day and still want more. The point of this is to make my language flow more easily, get used to writing in English and get rid of perfectionism. It is so easy to stumble upon words, trying to find the right one and get stuck because of the feeling that nothing you write will ever be good enough. Screw that feeling. Sometimes the only way to write something great is to “vomit” words and feelings all over the page and edit it later. If you love writing but still have not developed the habbit of doing it every day, this is your chance. Start like I did – slowly but fearfully. And read a lot to keep your thoughts and ideas fresh.

That is all I have to say for today. I will just pick up my writing journal and brain dump some more thoughts in to it because nothing is as satisfying as that. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

20 things to do before turning 20 years old.

20 things to do

Hello, dear readers! Before I start this post, I’m just curious – how many of you are still under 20? If you are older than that – don’t worry, you might still make your life more exciting by crossing out few more things of this list that you have not done yet. I am turning twenty at the end of this year and started wondering, if there is something out there that I should have experienced but probably haven’t yet. It is so easy to get caught up in a never-ending routine and forget do things that you truly enjoy doing. So, without any further hesitation, here is a list of 20 things you should do before you turn 20, in order to make your life a little more colourful. 

P.S. Just to make this a little more interesting, I will add little checkmarks beside every thing that I have done so far. Join me, if you wish!

  1. Have your first kiss. ✓ 
  2. Start a journal (an art journal, travel journal, morning pages – anything that floats your boat).  (I have an art journal and writing journal where I practice writing everything that’s on my mind in English.)
  3. Learn to cook at least 3 healthy and delicious meals. Living on your own is way easier, if your only menu options are not just few different kinds of pizza that you bought at the nearest supermarket. ✓ (Here are my favourites that I can cook anytime I want: tomato soup, pancakes with mushroom filling, risotto, greek salad, potato puree etc.)
  4. Do a random act of kindness. Buy someone flowers for no reason, bake them cookies or do any other nice thing to someone. (Here’s the first thing on the list that I haven’t done yet. I still have time for that, though.)
  5. Clean your closet from all the clothes that don’t fit, are worn-out, make you look bad or don’t suit your style anymore. It is time to get rid of those ugly jeans you have not worn since 9th grade but still miraculously hope to look good it. It will not happen, just buy new ones. ✓ (The best feeling in the world is when you open your closet and every piece of clothing fits you, looks brand new and flatters your figure.)
  6. Go to a concert of a musician you really like. (No, the one your mum made you to attend does not count. This time it is about what YOU like. My first concert of that kind was One Republic concert a little more than 3 years ago.)
  7. Make a day free, so you can treat yourself by doing whatever makes you happy.  (For me such day could include applying a face mask, painting my nails, reading for an hour in bed, baking pizza and watching a movie (or few).)
  8. Go skinny dipping. (Damn, this has been on my list for way too long. If I will not chicken out, might cross this out sometime in summer.) 
  9. Get a job, even it is just a summer job. This is a very unique experience and, honestly, the earlier you try it, the better.   (Once you experience that lovely moment when you receive your first salary, you will never want to go back.)
  10. Spend a day without internet. No need to freak out – it is really not that bad. You can just enjoy reading a book, dancing in your living room or whatever your favorite activity is and stop worrying about how many followers you have on Instagram, compared to your friends. ✓ (I have done this so many times. It feels so good that sometimes I want to delete all of my social media and just live my life. However, I can’t do that, I have this precious blog.)
  11. Travel abroad, even if it’s only to your neighbour country. ✓ (Nothing feels as good as seeing new places and trying new foods, trust me.)
  12. Throw a house party at your place. Just try not to make it like real life version of “Project X”. ✓ (Once in my entire life I actually had a decent party with 10+ people at my place. Even though such parties are not really my thing, it was fun to try it out.)
  13. Try to live as a vegetarian or vegan for a week. ✓ (I’ve tried it several years ago for a month. Then, since the beginning of this year, I decided to become a vegetarian on a long-term, instead of just trying it.)
  14. Dye your hair in an unusual colour. ✓ If you are afraid to try permanent colour, try the one that washes out in a week or two. (I’ve dyed my hair in crazy colours twice – once partially purple, once partially green.
  15. Write a letter for your future self. If you are still 19 years old like me, write a letter for your 29 years old version.
  16. Get a tattoo. ✓ (I was obsessed with this idea since the age of 12 or so. 6 years later I finally got my first tattoo – a phoenix – and that was one of the best decisions I have ever made. If you want to read more about it, click here.)
  17. Dare to do something you are afraid of. Is it going to uni abroad? Maybe reconnecting with an old friend? Getting a piercing? No matter what it is, just do it. ✓ (I admit that I was a little afraid to get a tattoo and very afraid of speaking up in class but I faced these fears and I am proud that I did.)
  18. Let go of toxic friendships and relationships. It does not matter, how good someone treated you way back in the past. If this person makes you unhappy and talking things out have not helped, move on (even that is not easy at all). ✓ 
  19. Learn to play a musical instrument. You don’t have to become a complete professional, learning how to play your favorite song on the piano might be just enough. ✓ (It’s no secret that I basically grew up with a guitar in my hands. I can play way more than just my favorite song.)
  20. Figure out where are you heading in life. Nothing is worse than being less than a month away from graduating from high school and having no idea, what you want in life and what is coming up next. You do not have to figure out your whole life at the age of 15 but when you are finally 20 years old, you should know at least briefly, what is the next step. ✓ (UK – here I come! (Hopefully. It’s to early to celebrate but I am on my way.))

So those are all of my ideas for under twenty bucket list. Which of these things have you done already and which are you planning to do soon? Let me know in the comments. 🙂 Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

“Rebel in the rye” – a movie that every writer needs to watch.

Rebel in the rye movie cover with Nicolas Hoult and Kevin Spacey

Hello, dear readers! Today I am back with another movie review. Do you know what kind of movies I love the most? The ones that are about writers. It doesn’t matter, if it’s based on real life events or not  – those type of movies just get me inspired and make me feel like someday I could accomplish something similar some day. There’s just something beautiful about the creative madness they portray. The struggle, the pain, love, sometimes even mental illness – all this mix tends to blow me away.

Today I’m reviewing “Rebel in the rye” – a movie, based on true events from J. D. Salinger’s life. What’s even better – Nicholas Hoult is starring the main role as Salinger himself. If you don’t know that – Nicholas Hoult is my favorite male actor and no, that’s not only because of TV series “Skins”, even though that’s exactly how I discovered him. Anyways, back to the movie. Even though it received only 28% on Rotten Tomatoes  and was rated 6,6/10 on IMDB , I thought it is worth mentioning it because, honestly, it is underrated by critics and definitely is a success not a failure. The plot follows Salinger’s life and starts few years before he goes to War when he struggles to publish his first work, meets Oona O’Neil and ends with the portrayal of his life after publishing “The Catcher in the Rye”’. You can watch the trailer here, before I continue with my thoughts about the movie.

So, besides Nicholas Hoult in main role, I loved the portrayal of a struggling writer, who does not know, if he is any good but continues to write anyway. There was one quote that stuck in my mind the most, which is this: “Are you willing to devote your life to telling the stories, knowing that you may get nothing in return? And if the answer to that question is no, well, then you should go out there and find yourself something else to do with your life because you are not a true writer.” It really made me think a lot about how I feel about writing and shed a tear because there is nothing more beautiful that a person, who is truly passionate about something. So passionate that he’s almost on the edge of madness.

When it comes to war scenes, they were very sad, grievous and definitely not easy to watch. Violence and tragic events in movies usually do not affect me but these scenes really did. I really got into the movie and it almost broke my heart, knowing that the main character could not survive and “The catcher in the rye” could have never been written. Thankfully, as you all know, Salinger survived and that is the reason why such well know book “The rebel in the rye” exists. Even though some people gave the movie two and three star reviews, I will have to disagree with them because I love the movie so much that I started crying close to the end because it really impressed me in the best way and got me thinking about my own passion for writing.

Overall rating: 9/10

If you are a writer or a passionate reader, who appreciates more than just chick flicks, you will really enjoy this movie. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts when I will be back with different kind of post. (Seriously, this is second movie review in a row, I can’t go on like this forever.)

Love, Porcelain Doll.