10 solo date ideas that will cheer you up this Valentine’s day.

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smiling girl with sunglasses at the beach

Hello, dear readers! Now, when this post is going live, it’s Valentine’s day already and, as we know, there are two types of people on Valentine’s day – couples and singles. Also, it’s widely known that singles must hate this day. We are brainwashed with the idea that our self worth depends only other people opinions about us and the amount of attention they give to us which is completely wrong and unhealthy. I am currently single, even though with a possibility of dating someone in a near future, and I’m not filled with joy on Valentine’s day either. To make the situation better, I decided to come up with few great solo date ideas for you and me to try. Admit it – doing these will be way better than drinking wine, eating ice cream and crying in front of a TV while watching “Titanic”. It’s time to stop feeling bad about your relationship status and enjoy the day like you deserve. So here are some of the best solo date ideas.

  1. Solo movie night with your favorite home-cooked food. Pick a movie or few from any genre except romance and cook something. Nothing quite tastes like self-made pizza, tomatoe soup or any other healthy version of a food you truly enjoy. Just stay away from junk food, don’t punish your body with that crap.
  2. Try out new restaurant you’ve neve been to. If you live in a city, this is a great opportunity to explore it. You don’t have to go to the fanciest restaurant nearby, just find a place you have never been to. Even better, if it has some foreign cousine and a dish you haven’t tried before.
  3. Buy yourself a nice piece of clothing, maybe even whole outfit. When was the last time you have felt like a godess in your clothes? Now is the right time to get that feeling back.
  4. Go to a movie or theatre play alone. Who said you always need someone to come with you? Looking from the bright side, this activity can be even more enjoyable without someone sitting next to you and commenting on everything that happens on the screen or on the stage. Side note: Try to avoid anything romantic, if you can.
  5. Go to a pilates, yoga or zumba class. Or anything else that makes your heart beat faster. Most likely you won’t see any couples there and, as you already know, phisical activity makes you release endorphins and that makes you feel great. Isn’t this option way better than eating whole tub of ice cream while watching “Titanic”?
  6. Create at home spa day (or evening). Buy yourself a nice bath bomb, face mask, scrub, body cream or anything else your heart desires. Then treat your body with all of those things, paint your nails, maybe try out new make-up look. Why drown in self pity, if you can get busy with self care?
  7. Plan a date with your single besties. I know that I have said “single date” ideas. While you can’t make this idea come true on your own, at least you don’t need a lover for that. And there’s not greater way to rebel against Valentine’s day than to embrace your single life with your single friends.
  8. Go for a walk in parts of your city you don’t usually go to. I have lived in my city for almost four years but even I don’t know all the nice coffee shops, cafes, shops and bookstores it hides. It easy to think your city has nothing to offer, if you’ve lived there for years and walked the same road thousands of times. Get out of your comfort zone and explore. Who knows, what you might find!
  9. Go for a walk with your camera and take photos of everything you find interesting and beautiful. It does not matter, if you are an amateur or pro – enjoy your walk and perpetuate all the amazing moments.
  10. Get in touch with your inner child. I know we are adults now but do you remember what you enjoyed the most when you were seven years old? Maybe twelve? Did you used to enjoy jumping rope, learning dances from tutorials or singing? Maybe drawing, coulouring books or trying out different DIY’s? Try doing that now and don’t be ashamed – no one is watching. Sometimes it feels good to bring back certain childhood memories.

That’s all I can offer you today. 🙂 What are your plans for Valentine’s day? Let me know it the comments. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

The less visible sister of fat shaming – skinny shaming.

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Skinny girl with brown hair in sports gear, walking

Hello, dear readers! By now I think you have all heard of fat shaming. Curvy people, especially women have raised awareness about it a lot during last few years. It is no secret that media has been pushing the image of “perfect woman” onto us for quite a long time. We are still drowning in magazine articles about getting beach body and different diets that will help us lose x amount of pounds every month. However, there is one side of body shaming that has not been covered as much and it is skinny shaming. Yes, that is really a thing! Why am I writing about this? Well, because I have been fat shamed as well as skinny shamed.

During my childhood years I was somewhere in the middle – not really chubby but also not skinny. However, I despised PE lessons and ate what ever I wanted, so I was no way considerable as the fit one. Being a kid and hating sports was not cool at all, so I quickly became the main object of mockery in my school. Most of my bullies were boys, who were skinny and loved sports. They could eat all the junk food in the world and still stay the same way. However, if I would eat too much pizza or cookies, my body would show it after some time. I was a girl and being tall and thin was not in my genes. I was jealous at girls, who were like that. The self consciousness made me feel terrible about my thighs, who seemed way too thick at the time (I mean, how thick can be thighs of a ten-year old, who is not overweight?) and small stomach roll that I had while sitting down. For nine years straight I was laughed at because of my body and fat shamed almost every day. It did not mater, if I tried eating less or dressing differently – I was still the ugly, weird and fat kid. This nightmare ended after middle school.

About a year before graduating from middle school I started working out. Of course, results did not show that quickly but I was getting there. After middle school I decided to continue my studies in a different city and different school. Things seemed to get better – my schoolmates did not care about my looks at all and the fat shaming was over. However, soon after that when my workout results finally started showing, I experienced something as uncomfortable which was skinny shaming. As I continued to workout, my stomach rolls disappeared, hip bones, ribs and collar bones started showing a little bit more. I was eating healthier than before and still had normal BMI, however, my parents started getting worried with no apparent reason. I started getting a lot of comments from them that I workout too much and suggested me to workout less and eat more. I could not understand their reaction. I finally started feeling better about my body after all the fat shaming and now this? My parents have never been on the thin side, so this fact made me nervous from early childhood. Will I look like this when I grow up? I didn’t want to. I wanted to be like one of those fit, happy girls you can see on Pinterest and Instagram. Why was is such a bad idea? My parents should have been happy that I wasn’t one of those girls, who look at thinspo every day and starve themselves.

During last  4 years I’ve been working out and eating healthier but their remarks didn’t stop. Especially from my dad. I wanted to feel better about my body and love it but comments like: “You should eat more. Your breasts have become smaller. Your hip bones are showing too much. Your ribs are showing too much. Are you trying to starve yourself? The way you look isn’t healthy. Stop starving yourself. Stop working out so much.” made me insecure and unhappy. You might think that having a slimmer body would make me more confident. It didn’t. I still listened to what people are saying about it. I felt insecure about my hip bones and the fact that I sometimes got bruises on them after workouts, I felt stressed out because I couldn’t find pants that fit me just right. Most of them were too tight in the area of my thighs and too loose around my waist. I felt insecure about my breasts that were never too big but now got even smaller. I was jealous to girls, who could wear nice lingerie, push up bras and actually have something to put inside them. I was almost flat, I still am.

I shouldn’t hate my body, I should love it and you should do the same with yours. It’s okay to have thick thighs, it’s okay to have tiny breasts, it’s okay have boyish body with no curves or very curvy one without small waist. I’m here to tell you what no one has told me – love your body the way it is now. It doesn’t matter, if people tell you that you’re too skinny, too muscular or too chubby. There is no such thing as perfect bikini body and you shouldn’t stress about getting it. There is not one universal body shape everyone should and would be able to fit. No matter what body type you have, it has its own beauty. Stop listening to media and society in general, who’s telling you that you need an ass like Kim Kardashian or body like Keira Knightley, or that you can’t wear crop tops because your stomach isn’t perfectly flat. Wear what makes you feel good, don’t torture yourself in order to look like someone else. You already have a full package of what you need. Sure, you can do some ab workouts or squats, eat more veggies and treat it like a temple but… never take it for granted. You are beautiful in your own skin – embrace it here and now.

That’s all for this week’s blog post. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as enjoyed writing it. See you next week with another great article. 🙂

Love, Porcelain Doll.

The real reason I’m not very active on social media.

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girl looking at her smartphone and smiling

Hello, dear readers! Today I wanted to talk to you about something more personal instead of sharing inspiring content. Real talk is necessary sometimes, too. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, Facebook, Bloglovin, Instagram or Pinterest, you may have noticed that I’m not very consistent at posting and I don’t post as often as I should have. A lot of bloggers are often active on social media, interract with their fans and are happy to be on those platforms. Well, not me. If you have been following Dolls Have Hearts for a while, you know that blogging isn’t the only or main thing in my life. I love writing with all my heart but I still have priorities like graduating from Music high school and a day job. Those priorities need quite a lot of socializing and energy, so when I finally come home after a lonnng day away, I’m exhausted. And, as an introvert, when I’m exhausted, the last thing I want to do is dive in Twitter or Instagram, see what drama everyone’s been interested in right now and how amazing everyone’s lives are.

I know that social media takes huge role in bloggers’ lives but… it really overwhelms me. Even if I’d use social media post scheduler, it still means I have to think about what kind of content to post and it takes time. The fact that I haven’t been consistent with blogging and posting on social media before makes me even more stressed. Although, on a positive note, I’m proud that one month of 2018 has almost passed and I’ve successfuly posted on my blog every single week without failing. Besides – I’ve posted only quality content. No more ranting posts in here like it used to be few years ago. Anyways, back to the topic of social media. Until this time I’ve been trying to stay active on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Bloglovin and Instagram because I thought – than more sites I used, than more new visitors I can bring to my site. Well, not really. The key is posting quality content consistently not only on blog but also on social media sites. For example, if I’d pin 5 pins a week,  pin each day and then disappear for few days, I couldn’t grow my Pinterest following at all. People follow each other for a reason – they expect new and exciting content regularly. You get the point. I have no problem with Pinterest because I find a lot of inspiration there but Facebook and Twitter is kind of tough. If not the blog page on Facebook, the only thing I use it for is keeping in touch with my friends and relatives. That’s it. When it comes to Twitter – I used to be a huge fan of it about 4 – 5 years ago, mainly because of the chance to see what my favorite celebrities like Lady GaGa or Taylor Swift are up to.

So, in general, social media for me is good only in small doses and mainly for entertainment purposes. Except Pinterest. Pinterest is life. However, I deleted my Instagram account because the pressure to keep posting regularly pictures from my life, which does not feel that exciting most of the time, was too overwhelming. And seeing my follower count drop as soon as I couldn’t find time and content to post wasn’t exciting. You have probably heard a lot about uncluttering, removing stuff from your life that doesn’t make you happy. Mostly those videos and blog posts tell you about throwing out old clothes, broken stuff etc which is a great idea. I decided to take this a little further and get rid of social media that doesn’t make me happy and deleted my Instagram. Bloglovin is still debatable, however, Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook will stay. I don’t make a promise to post every day on all of these accounts because I would not be able to keep it. I will stay as active as I can and do my best – that’s all I can say.

I truly appreciate every single person, who takes his or her time in the day to read my blog, like the latest post and comment. It means a lot to be heard. It means a lot to be relatable, helpful and inspiring – that’s the message I will continue spreading. Thank you for being here. My blog wouldn’t be the same without any of you.

 

Love, Porcelain Doll.

#MythbusterMonday : the truth and lies about virginity.

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#MythbusterMonday

Hello, dear readers! Today is the day I wanted to talk to you about something which you most likely had awkward conversations about with you parents. Losing virginity, popping the cherry – call it what you want but it was always such a huge mystery, at least during my childhood. I could never understand why you “had to” do it with someone only after wedding, why it would be so painful and why the heck, if that was so painful, someone would want to have sex again. After all the talk my parents gave me (which, honestly, wasn’t a lot) I started to think that first sex must be some kind of nightmare-ish experience. Only later in life I realized that those things were big, fat lies that most parents are used to telling their daughters in 21st century w slutin which slut shaming is completely okay. God forbid, if a woman will lose her virginity before marriage and actually enjoy sex, or have more than one sex partner during her lifetime.

Why am I telling this to you? I’m telling this to clear some lies all the people, who haven’t had sex yet might believe in and spread sex positivity. Sex talk shouldn’t be awkward and first sex shouldn’t be scary and painful. Thankfully, I learned the truth about virginity before losing mine and it definitely made my life way easier. Side note: I will lose the phrase “losing virginity” and the word “virginity” in quotation marks because that’s not even a thing. Believe me, it’s not. It’s just a construct society created. If you’re thirsty for more explanation, let’s dive right in!

  1. First time for a girl is always painful and probably bloody, too. Oh, hell no! No matter what your mother, sister or whoever has told you – that is not true. If first time hurts, you’re probably doing something wrong. Maybe he’s too rough, maybe there wasn’t enough foreplay, so you’re not wet enough or maybe you’re not relaxed enough. If you are worrying about not getting wet enough naturally, don’t be afraid to use lube. Go slow the first time and be vocal, if something doesn’t feel right!
  2. Hymen covers vagina completely and, when you “lose your virginity”, you break it. Wrong. First of all, hymens are different: there are normal, septate (two vaginal openings instead of one), microperforate (small vaginal opening) and imperforate (hymen completely covers vagina) hymens. In a standard case, you hymen will just stretch out, not break. So, that explains why most likely your first time won’t be painful, if you’re doing everything right. Also, if the hymen would cover your vagina completely, how would you menstruate properly?
  3. Hymen is located inside of your vagina. No, it partially covers the vaginal opening. The thing with this myth is – even a lot of dudes believe in this. What a shame. Why this isn’t something that is explained in Sex Ed?
  4. You can only “lose virginity” by being penetrated. This was confusing to me the whole time. I couldn’t understand, if that’s how a girl loses virginity, how do lesbians lose their virginity then? Do they keep it forever? Maybe it’s possible to lose V-card by getting fingered? Too much confusion in here. That was until I realized that first sex technically is no different from any other time you have sex. Well, except for the fact that it’s your very first experience and you don’t know that well what to do and what not to do.
  5. “Losing virginity” is only acceptable with you spouse. Why, though? How does a paper and a ring change someone’s rights to engage into sexual activity with me or not? Why does marriage matter? Sex is not a sin and something you should feel ashamed about. There are few things you should take into consideration before having sex with someone for the first time but marriage is not one of them. (Sorry, Christians, I didn’t mean to offend you!) If you feel comfortable with someone, know them well enough, maybe are even in love with them and want to go for it, do it! Just don’t forget about protection.
  6. “Doing it” changes your life a lot. No, not really. You’ve just discovered something very enjoyable, that’s it. And maybe, just maybe, gained a tiny bit of confidence and lots of extra naughty thoughts in your head.
  7. You can’t use tampons, if you’re a “virgin”. Look at the second myth. Your hymen probably doesn’t completely cover your vagina, so you can actually use tampons before you have “done the deed”. Although, at ages 11 to 14 that might be slightly uncomfortable, so, if you want to use those, go with smaller ones. Either way – you can’t “pop your cherry” with tampon because, as I said, virginity is not a physical thing. It’s just a construct society has created.
  8. Having sex with someone before marriage doesn’t make you dirty or a slut. Don’t believe what society say. Your sexuality is a part of you that you should embrace, instead of being ashamed about it. If you want to have sex with someone, do it! If you want to wait until your first love or marriage, do that!

So here are all the myths about virginity I’ve heard during my early teen years. I even believed in some of those and they confused the hell out of me. I just wish someone would have told be the truth from the very beginning. That wouldn’t make me start having sex earlier but it would make everything clearer.

In a nutshell, virginity is not a physical thing – it’s a social construct that was created to control women and what they do with their bodies. If you have sex, there is no definite way to tell, if you’re a “virgin” or not. If you want to have sex with someone – go for it, as long as you’re safe. If you don’t – that’s fine. Don’t feel pressured by your peers. Only you should decide what to do and what not to do with your body. Just because someone starts having sex at the age of 15, doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Do what feels right for you and always use protection.

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 amazing tips that will increase your productivity instantly.

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HealthBenefits ofOranges

Hello, dear readers! If you are anything like me, you have had big goals as long as you can remember. However, there might be times when you feel tired, unmotivated and just want to procrastinate. Well, you are not the only one, I tend to struggle with this, too. So I decided to take some time to observe and analyze my own behaviour during those times and figure out, how to get out of it. Here are 5 amazing tips I came up with that increased my productivity instantly and can increase yours, too!

  1. Make sure your room / workspace is warm enough. One odd thing I noticed – if it’s too cold in my room, all I want to do is sit under comfy blankets, watch TV series and procrastinate. For a while I didn’t even notice that this is a problem but when I finally did, I realized it’s time to turn that heater on, get out of my bed and get stuff done.
  2. Make sure you don’t have lowered blood pressure. If you do, get some coffee. This is a huge one for me. I used to feel tired almost every day for years and couldn’t figure out why. One day my doctor told me that it might be because most of the time I have lowered blood pressure. That turned out to be the reason why I wanted to sleep most of the time and felt exhausted. How did I fight this? Simple, with coffee. I know that some people are pretty skeptical about it, mostly because of the thing called “caffeine hangover” which tends to have similar effects as alcohol hangover. I experienced only once in my life, after about 5 or 6 cups of coffee when I really wanted to be creative & productive. So, friendly advice – don’t drink more than 3 cups of coffee a day.
  3. Make a to do list. This might be such a cliché but it actually helps me. Every morning I make to do list and try to cross out aismany things as possible that day. Somehow it us super fun for me. And, as someone, who used to struggle with depression, this is a great thing for me. Now I can realistically look back at what I have done that day and say: “Wow, I was very productive today!”Create a Girlboss (or Guyboss) playlist. It’s crazy how much music can affect your mood. If I have some sad, calm songs in the background, I honestly feel like crying instead of getting stuff done. Sad music might be acceptable only when I’m painting or drawing (sometimes). In case you need some ideas about songs that will make you feel pumped, check out my “Playlist of a Girlboss” on Spotify here:
  4. Stop over thinking and complaining, just start doing it. It’s crazy, how much time we spend wondering, if we should really do something and trying to find reasons for procrastination or not doing it at all. The best way, how to do something is just to get up and do it. Turn off all the thoughts that make you want to procrastinate or doubt yourself and just get to work!
  5. Plan a day or few every month for relaxation or a quick getaway. It doesn’t matter, if you go to school, work or do both – this routine can be exhausting. Every week is pretty much the same and, especially if you have to do something on weekends, burnout can become a real threat when you don’t plan some time for recharging. Only since September I planned some “off days” in my monthly schedule and it has been very helpful. My stress levels are not as high anymore and I don’t get ill as often.

Those are all the productivity tips I have for you today, that I have tried myself. It would be easy just to look something up on the internet but sharing my experience seems way more genuine. Have you tried any of these productivity tips? Or maybe you have your own favorite productivity tips? Share in the comment section!

Until next time on dollshavehearts.com !

Love, Porcelain Doll.

“Younger” – awesome must watch TV series that will make you addicted.

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Younger - awesome must watch TV series that will make you addicted,

I don’t own the picture, it’s taken from: http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/topic/4626270/262/ and slightly edited.

Hello, dear readers! Are you obsessed with watching TV series? I was not for a while, probably because I haven’t found any that would keep me hooked longer than just for a season or two. You know, how it always starts – first few episodes of first season tend to be mind-blowing. If you’re lucky then the whole first season is pretty awesome. After that, if the show isn’t cancelled yet, things slowly start to die off. Take for an example series, called “No tomorrow”. (Spoiler alert!) The girl falls in love with a perfect guy, who, turns out, believes that the world is going to end very soon. Fast forward a little – they’re dating and living life, like there’s no tomorrow, doing one thing every day that they have always wanted to do. Boom! That’s it, they could have ended these series at first season because the second was a complete torture. Anyways, back to the topic – let’s get to review of “Younger” which was surprisingly exciting to watch.

If you prefer to watch the trailer before you continue reading this post, I’ll insert it here:

 

I found out these TV series only about 3 weeks ago and during this time period I have finished all 4 seasons that have been aired. That’s how addicting “Younger” actually was. Here’s the short summary of  these series: the main character is Liza Miller – a 40 years old mom, who’s recently separated from her husband David and decided get back to work in publishing industry. However, after such huge break it seems impossible to pick it back where it started cause no one wants to hire her because of her age. Her best friend and roommate Maggie suggests Liza to lie about her age to get hired and surprisingly that works. Soon Liza starts working at Empirical as an 26 years old assistant. From that point this innocent idea turns into a huge web of lies and makes it hard balance her 26-year-old and 40-year-old lives. She falls in love with 26 years old tattoo artist Josh and becomes friends with Empirical editor Kelsey (Hilary Duff, who’s the same age. So, basically this one small, white lie creates seemingly perfect life that can go crashing down any moment, if the truth comes out.

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Okay, maybe that was not such a short summary of the TV series but, while not wanting to give everything away, I wanted to give you a small peek into events of “Younger”. Now, as I am going to review the show, following text will contain some spoilers. I’m going to start with something I really enjoyed. I don’t want to sound like a fan girl but the fact that Hilary Duff is casting in this is exciting itself. It’s nice to see that she’s far from awkward Lizzie McGuire character (which I was never a fan of) and doing amazing job in “Younger”. I couldn’t  imagine anyone, who could portray Kelsey Peters better. Kelsey’s jerk boyfriend Thad (Dan Amboyer) on the other hand, who appeared in first 2 seasons of “Younger”, was the most annoying character ever. At first he just appeared as an alcoholic and a manwhore but later on blackmailed Liza about revealing her true identity to everyone, if she tells Kelsey that Thad has been cheating. But thankfully he dies in season 2 and we can continue (almost) happily ever after without him.

 

 

Now let’s talk about my favorite male character in “Younger”. No, it was not Josh. Even though he appeared to be very sweet at the beginning, after some time this dude started to seem very immature. Especially after Liza’s boss Charles(Peter Hermann) , who’s in his 40’s, too, starts appearing more and becomes her love interest. What I liked about Liza’s and Charles’ relationships is that it evolved almost painfully slow. After 4 seasons all they shared was just few kisses (instead of sharing the bed) and the chemistry seemed so real, it took my breath away. Honestly, I patiently watched every episode, hoping that they will finally become a couple that hasn’t happened yet… And that’s why it’s so brilliant for the plot – the struggle is so real. Also, maybe it’s just me but I feel like Liza is way more compatible with Charles than she is with Josh. And no, not just because of the age differences.

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Anyways, enough spoilers; I think it’s time for you to get the full taste of “Younger” and start watching it. No other TV series of the same genre I’ve seen are as good. Also, do you know what’s the best thing? You can probably watch this with your mum or older sister and you both will be entertained. No more dying from boredom while your mum watches cheesy romantic dramas. Now you can offer her some quality content!

Until next time on dollshavehearts.com when I’ll have some new and exciting content prepared for you!


P.S. I don’t own any of the GIFs posted, they’re taken from google.


 

Love, Porcelain Doll.

#GirlbossSeries: How to create kickass morning routine.

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fruits that you need to try

Hello, dear readers! Have you ever dreamed about living happy and organized life? Most likely you have. But have you ever tried to plan everything and just live the life you want? I bet there will be two types of answers to this question: “No, not really.” and “Yes, but it didn’t work out for me.” No matter which answer did you pick, you still have a chance to take one step closer to living your dream life. At the beginning we will be starting out small, so that’s why today I decided to talk about creating a morning routine.

“But what’s a morning routine? Don’t I already have one?” Those are the questions you may ask. Well, if your morning routine includes snoozing the alarm at least five times, hoping out of bed the very last minute and skipping breakfast, then no – you don’t. To have an amazing life, you need to start with making your day awesome. Firsyou have to start it the right way. Morning routine isn’t only about getting dressed and making coffee. It’s way more than that. To give you an insight into this, I will share some things that you could include in your own morning routine.

  • Write. If you’re a blogger or a writer like me, morning is the best time to write. Your mind isn’t cluttered with daily worries yet and you’re just one coffee cup away from getting into your “getting shit done” mode. So try to set aside at least 15 minutes in the morning to get some writing done.
  • Exercise. You have probably heard a lot about morning yoga, running in the morning etc. Pick any type of physical activity that makes your heart beat faster and body move. If you don’t want to include exercising in your morning, you can make it a part of evening routine.
  • Write something in your journal. This one is very similar to the first idea, however, you don’t have to be a writer to write in a journal. This is for your personal well-being. Just reserve some time in the morning to write everything that is on your mind, things that you are thankful for etc.
  • Make some coffee or tea to take with you. It seems like no-brainer to some people but have you ever thought how much money you spend when you buy coffee or tea in a coffee shop? Just make a hot drink in the morning, pour it into you thermos and you are good to go.
  • Make your bed. Another no-brainer but it is nice to do it right away, so when you come home, you don’t return to messy rat’s nest.
  • Read few pages of a book. Just few months ago I unpleasantly surprised myself with the fact that I could not find a time to read. At all. I used to be such a bookworm in elementary school, I barely could put a book away but then high school happened. Most evenings I was too tired after school that I went straight to bed. However, I missed reading too much, so I created a morning routine in a form of a checklist and included reading in it, too.
  • Wash your face. Especially, if you are a teenager and have a problematic skin like I do. I never had a time for some complicated skin care routine but as soon as I started washing my face every morning with some face cleansing gel, my skin got way better.
  • Plan your day. It’s your choice, if you decide to plan your day in the morning or in the evening before but I highly suggest you to do it. Planning not only makes you get more stuff done but also makes you feel better about yourself when you have completed the tasks and seen, how much you have done.
  • Take a shower. For some people it helps to feel more refreshed and ready for a new day. For me it only puts in my “I am ready to go back to sleep” mode. Take a risk – maybe morning shower is all you need to be the best version of yourself for the rest of the day.
  • Have a cup of coffee. This is a suggestion for those poor people just like me, who have low blood pressure all the time and, if they don’t get their daily dose of caffeine, they might as well cast in Walking Dead.
  • Watch Girlboss series type of video on Youtube. Just one video can inspire you for the whole day if not longer. My favorite Youtubers, who post a lot of girlboss aka boss babe related stuff are Hannah Ashton , Kalyn Nicholson  and Nika Erculj . Just don’t get caught up, they are pretty addicting!

Now that I have shared the most popular ideas for your morning routine, it’s time to make it. You don’t have to include everything I mentioned in this post, just pick whatever is closer to your heart. The main goal of a morning routine is to prepare you emotionally and physically for a productive day. Stay awesome and see you on my next post on dollshavehearts.com !

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Blog update: dollshavehearts.com will be launched soon!

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SAVE TREES

Hello, dear readers! You’ve probably been wondering where have I gone and why is my blog so inactive. Of course, like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I’ve been very busy with school and work which, honestly, sometimes tends to suck all the creativity out of me. However, I recently decided to quit one of my jobs, so I’ll be working there only until the middle of December and after that I will have more free time. Why did I decide to quit? That’s kind of a long story but I decided that if, no matter how dedicated I was to the job, someone in a higher position repeatedly treats me like shit by not helping me with things I don’t understand, slandering me, telling me how terrible I am at doing my job and yelling at me, I don’t need to endure it. Enough about the job for now, I might go in depth about it in some of my future posts but right now I will tell you what I have in mind for this blog for 2018.

I finally feel ready to make this blog more professional, interesting and successful. I am planning to upgrade it to WordPress Premium, start being active on all of my social media accounts, which include Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram and most importantly – post lots of exciting content. I have finally figured out who exactly I am writing this blog for, what I am writing about and why I am even writing it. So – great news, this blog is going to get a huge upgrade and start looking like one of those neat, pretty lifestyle blogs that are full of great content. The estimated relaunch of Dolls Have Hearts is planned on January 1st but let’s see how it goes.

For now I am going to focus on getting blog ready for the relaunch. I have to write enough posts for at least a month forward to publish and I’ll try my best to post at least 2 times a week in 2018. At the moment I am super guilty about writing my blog posts the very last minute and even though the quality is good, I don’t have any posts scheduled for the future and that messes with my consistency. I also have to think about the way site looks and figure out the content to post on social media. If you’re a blogger, you already know, how important it is to stay active on social media and post not only your recent blog content but also other things your audience might be interested in. So, just because I have to do a lot of preparation, there might be very few or no posts at all this year. Don’t be sad – better content is yet to come!

If you have any suggestions about what you’d like to see more of on this blog or if you have anything important to note about upgrading your blog, monetizing it and making exciting for the readers, feel free to comment below! I’ve read a lot of information on how to build a successful blog but some extra advice won’t hurt. Also, if you’re a blogger, who recently relaunched and/or monetized your site, share your experience in the comments! I will really appreciate it.

P.S. Thank you all for following my blog and interracting in the comment section. It means the world to me that my opinion is important to you and that my view of life is relatable.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

“M.F.A.” movie review.

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M.F.A movie review

Hello, dear readers and followers! I’m finally back with another blog post and it’s something a little different that I usually post here. Not many of you might know that but I’m a huge movie buff. I’m addicted to watching movies. And no, not just any movies – I’m actively looking for some movie treasures – maybe not so well known movies, maybe even low budget ones – it doesn’t matter. What I care about is great plot and acting, that makes me feel intense emotions. Those kind of movies are usually thrillers or dramas and are kind of hard to find. However, today I’m sharing one of the movies I recently watched and enjoyed a lot.

M.F.A movie review

I still have no idea what it’s title “M.F.A.” stands for but I can offer you a short summary of the movie. (Small spoiler alert!) The main character is college art student Noelle (starring Francesca Eastwood), who, at the beginning is just a simple, quiet girl, who’s strieving for success in art but kind of lacks depth in her work. At one night, spent at some party she gets raped by her classmate Luke (starring Peter Vack) . At first she asks for help to her school councelor but soon find out that no one from school or even police  is  going to be on her side and punish Luke. After accidentaly killing him, she finds inspiration for her art and decides to serve justice by herself on similar rape cases nearby.

M.F.A movie review

Scene from M.F.A. (2017)

That was short description of the movie without spoiling it too much for you. Even though a lot of movie reviews say that the plot is basic and should have been more in-depth, I was too amazed by acting of Francesca Eastwood to pay attention to plot flaws. I think there’s no one else, who would’ve starred better than her in the main role. She just had this dark vibe in the movie but viewers could totally sympathize with her character, especially more towards the end. At least I did, kind of thinking: “Damn, she broke a lot of rules but in some way did the right thing.” Other characters in the movie didn’t stand out to me as much overall acting and scenario seemed pretty good to me. That’s all that I’m going to tell you about the movie speaks better about itself than my words ever will.

Overall rating: 9/10 

Click here to watch M.F.A. trailer or go watch a movie, if you’re ready! However, in case you’ve already seen this movie, please let me know your thoughts about it in the comments bellow!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Why I’m not blogging as much as I used to.

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Hello, dear readers! For about first 3 weeks of school year I felt super excited that it’s the last year of school and I have a job which means I’ll finally earn some money myself. Do you know those moments in your life when you’re telling yourself that you’re starting over fresh and you can do anything? I had this moment at the beginning. But then, about 5 weeks later I realized that living the life I want is not completely possible.

Studying hard

First and the biggest cause of my creative block is school. It’s my 4th year in music high-school which I was impatiently waiting for, somehow hoping that in this year everything will get better. Why shouldn’t it be like that? No more Math lessons which should have meant no more torturous lessons I’m not interested in. Sadly, I was mistaken. In 3rd year of high school at least I had Literature lessons that made me feel inspired and interested and even English that, despite of having a shitty teacher, I still liked as a subject. This year I can’t really name any subject that would fascinate me and I just feel stuck in the wrong place. I know that I am supposed to feel relieved that I have only 7 months left but those are 7 boring months that, honestly feel like a waste of time. I want to read great books, I want to write, travel and study something I’m interested in but I just can’t get out. Not even on weekends – there is still a pile of homework that I have to get done but see no point in it. It’s interesting , how just yesterday I heard in one of Skillshare classes that if you’re having too much stimulation from the outside world, your mind and imagination feels kind of suppressed and you start to feel less creative. That explains my situation a lot. So that’s how my inspiration is taken away. It’s nearly impossible to fake your interest in a subjects that you just don’t care about.

Work tends to be overwhelming. I agreed to take two teaching jobs because I hope that maybe my calling is teaching instead of performing. Of course, I’m thankful for one gifted student of mine and few other that are doing the best they can but working with all other kids that are bored of playing the guitar or don’t have abilities to be good at it is exhausting. Every time I have a lesson with someone, who just not into it, I feel sad that instead of improving my own guitar skills, I’m wasting time with hopeless kid. I’m still wondering, if having two jobs was the right choice for me even more because in one of those workplaces, I’m having a colleague in a higher position, who is very unhelpful and rude person in general.

I don’t know where I want to be in my life but it’s not where I am right now. Please know that I will post when I have some quality content to post and I might not stick to a regular schedule during this school year. However, my heart belongs to writing and I really like my little blog. Huge thanks to everyone, who follows me and cares about the content that I post, it means the world to me. Just so you know – I’m not going anywhere and I’ll do my best to make this blog better but for now it is kind of tricky.

Hopefully I’ll be back soon with some movie reviews and other exciting and positive stuff. Thanks for sticking with me!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship.

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5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship

Hello, dear readers! As you now know, with school and two teaching jobs my life is busier than ever which means I don’t have time for a proper relationship. I can’t exchange text messages with someone during the whole day because I have got so much more stuff to do and I need energy for that. However, that is just one of the reasons why I decided to try friends with benefits type of relationship. The other one is – I got my heart-broken for the first time about a year ago and then my word kind of got shattered in pieces. The person I trusted the most suddenly decided that an argument we had was serious enough just to end an undefined relationship we had. After the breakup (which was barely a breakup because we weren’t really together) and several months of excessive drinking I met someone. And, ironically, he kind of reminded me of the guy who broke my heart. Similar behaviour, similar sense of humor and the chemistry was just there. Soon after that I found myself in this well-known friends with benefits type of relationship. Who would have known? Me! A girl, who for many years was sure that I am a demisexual and relationships that are based on sex will never be a part of my life. For a while it seemed like a good idea but later I just realized that something is missing. And not just something – a lot of things. I wanted dates that included going out of the apartment, I wanted more attention and just… a bond that a person can only have when she or he is in love. I was not in love and after some time just got bored of him. So this finally brings us to the list of 5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship. Let’s get started!

  1. No pregnancy scares. Well, I’m pretty sure that even women, who are in a committed, serious relationship experience those, if they are not ready for a child but let me tell you – getting pregnant when you don’t expect it from a guy you love is probably better than from a guy you don’t. No matter how careful you are, things still might happen, so, ironically, I am going to quote my mum and say: “The best way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex.” I guess, I’ll just interpretate in my own way: “Don’t have sex with someone you are not in love with.”
  2. No stressing about ignored text messages. What is he doing? When are we going to meet? What if I’m pregnant? Why hasn’t replied? The honest truth about friends with benefits relationships is that most guys, who are interested in this relationship are fuckboys. Some of them might seem like nice guys at the beginning but that is just an illusion. So, don’t even get started with them or, if you already have started it, ditch him. He is not worth your time and is only going to waste it.
  3. Netflix and chill is better by yourself. Meeting up with him at first seems exciting but then it turns out the only place you two will meet is either at his place or yours. And, if he is a shady fuckboy, who has a girlfriend, then it’s just going to be your place. There’s nothing from with chilling at home but if it includes mostly sex and you two never leave your (or his) place together, then it becomes boring. And I am so not about that boredom, you feel me?
  4. Have more “me time”. Go to that spa, sleep longer, get your nails done, meet your girlfriends… Do whatever makes you happy instead of constantly waiting for his message, so you can arrange a meeting to fuck. There’s nothing wrong with good sex now and then but if it’s with a whiny dude, who’s probably cheating his girlfriend with you, it’s not worth it. It’s just not.
  5. No dealing with his excuses and other bullshit. At the beginning he might seem nice and perfect in every way but later he starts coming up with random excuses why he didn’t text back, why he can’t see you today or this week and the list goes on. From chill and funny dude he turns into a shady one and then it’s almost impossible to continue the relationship. Well, at least if you are like me, who can’t tolerate even the smallest amount of bullshit.

So those are all the reasons you should enjoy being single and avoid friends with benefits type of relationship. No matter, how disappointing it is, the scenario of movie “Friends with benefits” does not come true in real life. (I wish it would, though. Don’t you?) Casual relationships does seem fun at first but at the end, if you’re a girl, it’s probably not what you want in a long-term. Better keep living your life until you meet someone, who is honest with you, wants to travel with you and is as crazy about you as you are about this person. (Just pretend you did not detect high levels of cheesiness in the previous sentence.)

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to follow your heart.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

10 important things every classical guitarist should know.

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A man, playing classical guitar

Hello, dear readers! Today for a change I decided to use all my knowledge and experience in classical guitar field to share 10 important things that can be very useful. I have talked to so many people, who told me that they have tried or have picked up playing the guitar but the mistakes they make are so ridiculous that I decided to write this articles and lay out some basic life hacks that might be useful, if you want to start playing the guitar or are already doing that. Some of these might apply not only on classical guitars but on acoustic, too. So, let’s dive right in!

  1. Change the strings of your guitar in the evening. If you can change guitar strings on your own, do it in the evening when you have already finished practicing. Right after changing them, tune the guitar, play a little, tune it again and then put it to rest. Strings need some time to adjust to the tension and playing right away after changing them is kind of difficult because you will probably have to tune guitar every minute. Just let it rest and pick up in the morning.
  2. For classical guitars there two types of strings – work strings and concert strings. If you are a beginner, you probably don’t need to use concert strings yet because you’re only learning right now. But to those, who are already more or less performing, I will explain the difference between these two types of strings. Work strings, just like the name says, are meant for work and work only. Of course, you might play with them in a concert but don’t expect the most amazing sound. Work strings have to be changed every month or two, depending on how much you play. Concert strings, on the other hand, have an amazing sound, however they have shorter life. After some time they lose their full sound potential. Some concert strings sound good for about one week but others are meant just for one 2 hours long concert and then they are done.
  3. Don’t leave your instrument somewhere too cold or too hot. If you leave it somewhere hot, for example, near heater, the guitar might get too dry and it might cause it to develop cracks. That’s why you should buy a guitar humidifier for hot summers to avoid damage. It has a sponge inside that you make wet in water, then squeeze out all the spare water so it’s a little moist, then put back in the container and carefully insert  between guitar strings above the hole. (There different models, not just the one I inserted as an example.) Also, one thing to remember – if you take a walk with instrument in the winter and the temperature is below zero (the lower, the more dangerous), don’t open the case as soon as you enter the room. It might cause the guitar to develop cracks because of sudden temperature change. Wait 5 – 10 minutes and only then take the guitar out.
  4. When changing strings, don’t take off all the old strings before putting on new ones. Same warning – guitar might develop cracks and if that happens, the sound won’t be the same. So be careful, no matter if you have a 150$ guitar or 2000$ guitar.
  5. Don’t put any stickers on your instrument or draw on it. Especially, if you are going to participate in a contest or play in a concert. That just looks cheap and is a bad taste. Sadly I’ve seen so many people do it and it looks terrible. Just don’t. It’s not cool, it just looks like you are kind of disrespecting your instrument.
  6. Do not put your guitar anywhere where it might fall, for example, support it against the chair. If it falls, you will end up with stack of  firewood for your fireplace just because you didn’t think twice.
  7. Pay attention to your posture. I will show you two correct ways, how to sit while playing classical guitar and two incorrect ways. I know you want to look “cool” but there’s nothing cool about developing acute back pain.

    Correct ways to sit.

    sofia-sitting-footstool-2016

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    Incorrect ways to sit.

    aa-neck-down

  8. Don’t bother with tabs, that will lead you nowhere; learn notes instead. Playing every piece from tabs and not knowing notes consumes too much time. Also, if you want to be a decent player, learn notes. Tabs won’t be that great in a long run. Start with learning which free string is which note and go from there.
  9. Cut nails of your left hand and grow nails of your right hand. This is kind of controversial fact for both – girls and boys because girls usually like to have long nails but boys want to keep them short. I remember when I first told my friends that boys, who play classical guitar have long right hand nails, they exchanged confused looks and giggled. It might seem weird because “it doesn’t look cool or right” but if you have long left hand nails, you’ll have trouble pressing down strings and if you have short right hand nails, you will have trouble playing with lively, bold and beautiful sound.
  10. Your fingers will hurt at the beginning – it’s normal. A lot of beginners complain that their fingers (especially fingers of a left hand) hurt when they are playing. No worries – it’s part of the process and after practicing consistently for a while it will go away because the skin will simply get thicker.

So that’s all for the most basic advice in starting out as a classical guitarist. There are lots and lots of other things I know, and I could write a book about them but this is not a classical guitar or music related blog, so I will keep that knowledge for myself… Unless you really want me to write another post about some guitar life hacks or go in-depth in some of the things I already mentioned in this post. If you do, let me know in the comments!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

Being fit does not always mean loving your body.

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Girl preparing for a run.

Hello, dear readers! Social media, magazines, commercials and movies are full of images of hot bodies. More concretely – fit bodies. We are overwhelmed with titles of blog posts and magazine articles like “How to get in shape for summer”, “How to lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks” etc. Even more – authors of these resources are trying to tell us that, if we lose 10 pounds, get a flatter stomach or thinner thighs, we will like ourselves more. Hell, we might even love ourselves. However, that’s not true. Let me tell you my story about how I tried to change my life by becoming fit.

I was never the sporty type of kid in school. In fact, I was the one, who was hiding behind all others and hoping that somehow the teacher would not notice me and I could skip high jumping or rope climbing. Maybe I would have tried but the teacher just didn’t care enough to motivate me. Maybe… but the others would have still laughed at me, right? I grew up hearing phrases like: “Ew, she’s fat.” , “Oh my God, look at her ugly face!” and other similar ones every school day. I am pretty sure that I could count the days that passed with no such comments on fingers of a one hand. Not many, honestly. I kind of knew that my bullies weren’t right – I was not fat, just a little bit chubby like a lot of kids in their childhood and early teenage years. However, at that point I didn’t pay much attention that it was normal. All I kept hearing were those mean phrases, repeated every day. And not by one or few people – at least ten if not more of them. These thoughts got stuck in my head and I started to feel more and more uncomfortable in my own body. “Damn,” I though to myself. “my thighs are actually huge and I hate that my stomach isn’t as flat as it should be.” I started to hate what I wear and how I look because so many people reminded me, how much they hate it. Around the age of thirteen I started spending about a half an hour, sometimes even more on my makeup, trying to make it look as good as possible. I thought that maybe it could help me cover up my insecurities and make my, so-called, ugly face more beautiful. I did my best to look better, naively hoping that it will make them stop. How foolish – nothing changed. I hated myself and constantly asked myself: “Why me? Why am I the ugly one? Why can’t I look like my friends? They don’t get even the third part of the mean comments that I get.” This first part of the story continued until the age of fifteen.

One summer I thought to myself – enough is enough. I don’t want to be the ugly girl anymore. I’m sick of having huge thighs and a little chubby belly. I am going to workout to get the body I want and that will make me feel more confident! I started out small – with about 30 squats, 30 sit ups and 30 reps of some other kind of exercise daily. There was nothing more I wanted than just to get those results. This was kind of similar to the makeup part – I hoped it would make me feel more confident and keep the bullies away. Side note – if kids have no apparent reason to be mean to you, they will make something up in their heads. It doesn’t matter, if you have glasses or not, if you’re fat or not, if you’re teacher’s pet or not – they will come up with something. Like Dita Von Teese said: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone, who hates peaches.” However, I didn’t know that at the time. So kept trying and pushing harder with every month. I used work out every day and sometimes I skipped a day or two, or ate something unhealthy, I hated my guts for some time. How did I dare to do this to myself? I need to reach this goal, I can’t self sabotage myself right now! My workout plan changes with time but I still managed to exercise more than 2 years straight in a row. My body looked better than ever but I still didn’t feel confident enough. I used to look in the mirror and look for imperfections. “My abs are not showing, my arms are too thin and shapeless…” I used to think to myself. I was on this journey that should have been incredibly exciting but somehow I wasn’t excited. Even though I noticed that I had made some kind of progress, it was never enough and the feeling of frustration never really left me.

Some time in November of 2016 I gradually stopped working out at all. I was so sick of this endless frustration and never feeling confident about my body. Whenever I started exercising, there was a little voice in my head that said: “You hate doing this and you still haven’t gotten your dream body after two years. Why even bother?” So I quit and focused on eating less and healthier while I lost about 8 kg until May 2017. Month later I got off the meds and started recovering from everything that had happened. I’ve spent way too long time in this trance-like state, not really caring about anything, not really wanting anything and sleeping way too much. I couldn’t help but sometimes wonder – is this how my life is going to pass? Am I going to exist all the time that I have left in this world?

Getting off meds wasn’t hard but I really had no idea what to expect afterwards. Will I need to use them again? Hopefully not. So I got the courage and told myself: “Listen, you need to get your life together. It’s not going to be easy but you can do it. Stop putting yourself down. Some other person is probably doing it, so why join them and make yourself feel even shittier?” Later on I came up with the 3 task idea. As you probably know, depression basically turns you into a zombie. You don’t care about anything, you don’t want to do anything but sleep and it’s not easy to get out of this cycle. The 3 task idea is pretty simple. Just wake up in the morning and get 3 things done that day. Even if it’s just watering your plants, washing two dirty plates and making your bed. It’s small but it’s still a progress. Later, when I felt like I’m ready to do more, I added more tasks and – voila! – now, in September I’m pretty well-functioning average person. The fact that I came to this point has already raised my self-esteem. When it comes to body image – I realized that I am a human being. I don’t need to be perfect. In fact – I don’t think there are people in this world that have naturally perfect bodies and who maintain them without doing much. Some of as have huge thighs, some of us have small breasts, some of us don’t have perfectly flat stomach but hey, it’s okay! For example, yes, my thighs are still not on the thin side but at least my waist is slim. Life is just way too short to worry about my imperfections and constantly blame myself for not fitting some unrealistic standard. Also, this reminds me one quote I recently found on Pinterest and now it’s added to my cork board in my work room.

hero-today-im-channelling_sarah-silverman

So that’s my journey from hating my body to finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. The moral of the story is – being fit does not always mean loving your body. It’s not about working out, it’s about putting yourself in the right mindset and accepting who you really are. Sure, you can lose those 10 pounds, if you want to but before you do that just stop and ask yourself: “Do I want to do that because I feel the pressure from others and want fit some strange standard? Do I want to do it because I don’t like my body?” If the answer is yes, you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons. You don’t have to be the next Jen Selter, you can live a great life in the body you already have. So what if those thighs jiggle a little? You’re not a Barbie doll that’s made of plastic. Let them haters talk but do not become one of them. Remember, there are only two chances – you can either be your worst enemy or your best friend. Chose wisely.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

The time I decided to become a guitar teacher.

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new

Hello, my dear readers! If you would have told me two or three years ago that I will try working as a teacher, I would have laughed in your face. Honestly. I knew that I was going to have a job in my last year of high school but becoming a teacher was the very last option on a list. Why, you may ask? For example, I was pretty sure that I won’t get a long with the kids. Maybe because I was bullied in my childhood or maybe just because I’m not a very social being in general. However, times have passed, things have changed and I have improved myself, too. I’m no longer that quiet person, hiding behind all others and hoping that no one will ever ask me anything. I’m no longer so secretive and I enjoy meeting new people (as long as there aren’t too many of them at once and they aren’t too loud). Now back to my story of how I even got there. No secrets here – I was quite often visitor of job boards on some sites and was trying to find ways to get a job since I was about 17 years old. And no, not any job! I would lack patience to pick strawberries on a field, so I wanted to find something more serious and at the end of this summer I did. I came across advertisement about school that was looking for a guitar teacher. Somehow I got the job pretty quickly despite the lack of my middle school diploma, not even talking about diploma that would prove I have higher education in music or pedagogy. But at these times my friends from school got their guitar teaching jobs, too because there are so many schools in Latvia where guitar teachers are needed but there aren’t just so many of us. Also, not all of those, who teach guitar have proper experience and knowledge. But the story doesn’t end here – with me getting a job and 10 students to teach. Few days later I got a phone call from another school that also needed a guitar teacher and the offered me 5 to 7 students. What do you think I did? As a maximalist I am, I agreed to that job, too. Somehow I just love to agree too many or too hard tasks and then, even if it’s through pain and tears, prove myself that I can do them. I guess, the inner me just has a strong belief that I am a super woman and can do anything. Who knows – maybe it’s not that far from the truth.

Now let’s jump forward to the time school starts. I thought I was able to manage everything pretty smoothly but the time I saw my school schedule and what kind of homework I had to do, I was close to freaking out. No one told me that last year will be this hard. I kind of thought that just because Math, English, History and Latvian exams are in the past, my life will get easier. It did not. In fact I’d rather take English, History and Latvian lessons again, if I could just get rid of Music history, Form and Polyphony. Anyways, I managed to pack most of the lessons in my school days and put last four on Saturday. You might think that working on a Saturday is a complete torture but it’s not. I wake up early, have a cup of coffee, get some things done around the home and then go to work which starts at 1 p.m. My schedule is more packed than ever but as a maximalist I am, I feel like I can do more stuff done when I actually have more stuff to do. Pro tip – keeping a bullet journal makes doing a lot of tasks way easier and you will not forget them, if you write them down. It is an exciting challenge for me every day – let’s see, how much of these I can do. And sometimes I manage to do everything I have on the list. But enough about organizing process of it. I’ll dive in more details on how things are going in the job itself.

I have been teaching almost for two weeks and there are few things I have already realized. Teaching is definitely not an easy job but it is more interesting (and sometimes even fun!) than I would have thought. Sometimes it seems kind of monotone when I have to repeat notes and fingers of a scale to a kid for 20 minutes until my brain gives up and I start messing them up myself. But sometimes it’s fun when I try to explain something him with a pinch of humor and the kid not only laughs but also understands what I am trying to teach him. At least for now I feel like I’m doing pretty well and still studying myself while teaching gives me some kind of advantage because I can relate so well to kids, who try to do their best but things don’t work out right away. And still having my inner child is great  because I can easily joke around and explain them things as simple as possible, and slowly gain the trust of my students. For now I’m kind of “winging” the whole teaching process and trying out different things because it’s something new for me but I’m definetly happy that I’m gaining this kind of experience. Nothing compares to the feeling when I had a good lesson with a kid, he was open and thirsty for some knowledge and at the end I am able to give him a good grade.

Maybe following my gut is the best thing to do in this job for now. All the talks about being understanding yet strict and “doing things the right way” can really mess up head of a young teacher, so I’m not thinking too hard and doing everything my own way. In some way I could consider the way I teach as a creative expression. Even though I need to know the main tasks, it is one big improvisation. When a kid comes to my lesson, I don’t know what to expect. Maybe he will have done his homework, maybe not. Maybe he will work in a lesson, maybe he won’t but I have to be prepared for everything, stay open-minded, be understanding yet separate their bullshit from the truth. It sounds like a hard task but maybe it’s not for me. Let’s be honest – I’ve been telling lies to my teachers many times, too and sometimes I still do. It’s pretty easy to smell someone else’s bullshit a mile away. And when I do, there are two choices to make – honest talk or bad grade. No matter, how the kid is doing, I need to see that he’s trying to improve and be his best. If he’s doing that, I will highly appreciate not wasting my time and give him a good grade. So simple.

So that’s about it about my adventures of becoming a teacher and working as one. I have to do a morning workout now and go to work later but I will definitely return next week with new and exciting blog post. Have a lovely and productive day, and do what you love!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 steps to becoming your real, authentic self.

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Happy girl

Hello, dear readers! Today I wanted to talk about something that has been sitting on my mind for a long time, which is being yourself.  You probably want to ask: “What is there to talk about? I already know, who I am and what I want to be.” The truth is – you probably don’t. You just think you do. A little more than year ago I thought that my dream is to study classical guitar in Royal Academy of Music in London. Strange, wasn’t it? I couldn’t and still can’t imagine myself on the stage, earning living by playing in concerts. It took me some time to realize that all the years I heard my mother constantly talking about how nice it would be, if I would become a successful classical guitarist, for a while made me believe that it is my own idea. Of course, it wasn’t. I realized that even though my view to the future is not completely clear, I don’t see myself becoming a musician – performer. Performing on the stage often just isn’t what I picture for myself.

Maybe you, just like I was, from early childhood were influenced by different opinions and are taught lots of rules. Everyone – from parents and friends to media is responsible for how we see ourselves, what we believe in and, eventually, who we become. Sadly, often influence is too overwhelming and it is easier than ever to silence the inner voice everyone naturally has and blindly follow the norm. And let’s be honest – norm is boring. Besides – no great artist, musician, blogger or (insert any profession other here) has succeed by following the crowd. If you are reading this post, I am pretty sure you don’t want to be one of the crowd – boring and plain just like everyone else. However, you still don’t know, how to stand out and become a successful individual with amazing life. (Side note: when I say amazing, I don’t mean that you won’t face any hardships. You will but that’s okay.) Let me introduce you to 5 steps to becoming your real, authentic self.

  1. Stop and take a moment to ask yourself: “Where do I see myself in few years, if I keep living like this? Am I happy? Do I lack something in this future life? If so, that might be the sign that you have been taking the path others wanted you to take instead of following the real you. In the past I could picture myself as a musician on stage. I could even imagine, how happy my parents and teachers would be. But there was one thing I couldn’t visualize in the future – myself being happy in a life like this.
  2. Try to remember what you have enjoyed doing in your childhood. What was it? Did people around you encouraged you or thought it was a waste or time or outside the norm? Maybe you liked to paint but you mother told you that you won’t be able to get into art school so often that you even didn’t try? Maybe you liked to play football but your teacher or friends said that you’re just another average football player and you will never make it to the team in your country? Just think about what were you passionate back then and don’t skip the things that weren’t approved by others. Do you still enjoy any of these activities? If yes, that is a good sign.
  3. Think about all the things that differ you from others. Do you have weird laugh that you’re trying to hide? Do you never wear shorts because you think that your thighs are thicker than other girls’? Do you never speak up in class or in a meeting because you think that your voice sounds weird? Now, when you have made your list, it’s time to switch things up. Stop worrying about the opinion of others. Laugh like nobody could hear you, wear those cute shorts and speak up in class. And, for the sake of God, stop judging yourself. We all have quite a few haters, there’s no need to join the club and start hating yourself. Better be confident and fake it at the beginning, if you have to. As they say – fake it until you make it.
  4. Start doubting your limits. You probably think that you will never get rid of your shyness, clumsiness, never become successful in our dream niche and never get that dream job. What if I told you it’s not true? What if you’re listening to your inner negative voice and opinion of others way too much? A lot of famous and successful people were doubted before they made it. Take for an example Lady GaGa, Elvis Presley, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Marylin Monroe and many more. It’s time to become your own biggest supporter, start believing yourself and make your dreams come true.
  5. Split big goals into smaller steps. Knowing what you want and believing yourself is good but you will fail, if you won’t split big goals into small steps that will gradually help you accomplish what you wanted. Having a concrete plan will make you stay more motivated and not so overwhelmed by quantity of the work you will have to get done. For example, if your dream is to have blog with 10000 followers and have at least 3000 views daily, your smaller steps might be “polish your Pinterest profile” , “learn how to engage your Pinterest followers and turn them into your blog followers”, “find sites in your niche that accept guest posts” etc. You get the point.

I really hope that this post will inspire you a lot and make you want to change your life for the best. I might not be an expert in this area of life because I am in improvement process myself but sharing my tips and experience is great – now we can walk this path together!

However, before I go, I want to know: Does your future life vision satisfies you? Do you follow your inner voice or suggestions from family members and friends? Let me know in the comments!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Striving for a better life.

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Striving for a better life. | It's time to get my life together, start planning and start living the life of my dreams.

Hello, my dear readers! Last week has been pretty crazy to me. After chilling all summer and mostly taking my time to rest and improve my mental health, I just realized that school is going to start soon. It feels like just yesterday I returned from summer exchange program, just few days ago I got a tattoo… but it’s a false feeling and I have little time to get my life together. Even though this school year will be free from some subjects that I used to hate (*cough* math *cough*), I will be busier than ever because crazy inner me decided that she can keep studying, get normal grades, manage blogging and teach kids to play the guitar 22 lessons a week. I went from having no students to having 16 at once. It’s funny to remember how boring my life was at the age of fifteen when I was too scared to step out of my comfort zone but now I’m doing it a lot more, yet wondering – isn’t it too much?

However, I’m determined to make this work and even more – feel happy while living like this. After getting off meds I have slowly realized how strong I am mentally and how much I am capable of doing which amazed me. Of course, it might not be a lot in eyes of some people but for me it is something. I went from trance-like state and not caring about anything to realizing my current goals and learning to believe that I can achieve them. Nevertheless, to live the life I want to live, I will have to do something I have barely done in my life and when I did – I hated it. If you have not guessed what am I talking about – it is planning. I am that chaotic person, who loves to stay up until 4 a.m., if I suddenly get inspired to write or paint and who is often running late to somewhere I have to be. Now it is time to stop this messy lifestyle and plan out everything, which is what I am doing these past few days and I still keep doing it. So far I have created my morning routine (Who knew these are so important! Mine always consisted on hitting snooze about 10 times and skipping breakfast.), got 3 planners (2 for both schools I will be teaching in and 1 for general daily tasks) and created blogging daily task list.

Also, I have figured out 7 big mistakes why planning never worked out for me in a long term.

  1. Too much daily tasks.
  2. Tasks are too huge.
  3. All of the tasks are unpleasant.
  4. No rewards.
  5. No long-term goals.
  6. I’m waiting for inspiration or enough energy to do something.
  7. Following fake goals aka goals that others have set for myself.

Now, when I know what I have done wrong in the past and how to do it the right way now, I feel much more motivated and the future just seems brighter in general.

One more thing I have been doing to change my life for the best is uncluttering my closet and my apartment. Even though I’ve been doing some closet cleaning less than a year ago, I still found myself having clothes that do not represent me or in which ones I feel unattractive. However, for a while I did not realize that the closet was not the only thing, full of old, unuseful, broken and ugly things. It was the whole apartment. For example, just few days I threw out 3 or 4 trash bags, full of old school notes that I am not going to use again. Turns out that all those small things I put somewhere away from my eyes and kept “just in case” all together created a lot of trash that I have not used for months or even years. Also – throwing out the stuff you do not need is just a part one. The second thing you need to do is stop making spontaneous purchases. This goes especially about clothes and make up. Buy something only if you need it, not because you fell in love from the first sight with it.

So that’s what I am doing to make my life better. In case you are thinking about getting your life together, too, I will leave few useful links that might inspire you to do so.

That’s all for now and see you in next week when I will hopefully have everything planned out and I start diving into this new routine.

Stay awesome, Porcelain Doll.

 

5 big fiction writing mistakes I made as a beginner.

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Hello, dear readers! As I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts, I used to write some cheesy and, honestly, a little obscene fiction and the fact that I did it makes me cringe until this very day. Just imagine thirteen, fourteen year old girl, who barely had her first kiss, trying to write about romance she had never experienced in real life. However, when I discovered Wattpad, I was amazed that so many teenagers like to write and what amazed me even more was the fact that they published their work and actually got positive reviews. At that time I didn’t think about it enough to realize that most comments were probably from their peers, who had as little knowledge about writing and romance as young authors their own. Nevertheless, I quickly joined the crowd of teenagers, publishing their writing on Wattpad because that made me feel like a cool kid and I made lots of new friends while keeping up with this teenage writer trend. For few years I found the whole process exciting and actually thought my content was good. How could I not? Today, when I log in on my Wattpad profile that, for some unknown reason I haven’t deleted yet, my most popular story, called “She’s trouble”, has 69 614 reads, 1 077 votes and has been added to 26 reading lists. I guess, quite a lot teenage girls found my content interesting. However, I won’t share links to my cringe worthy “masterpieces” because they are not worth reading. What I will do is share the most common mistakes beginners, especially teenage beginners make when they start writing fiction.

  1. Plot of the book wasn’t planned out. I kind of knew what my characters were but I had no idea where are they going, what is their goal, their purpose. If plot of a book is roughly like “going from point A to point B”, my heroes were staying at point A the whole time and occasionally making trouble because without trouble the book would be way too boring.
  2. Publishing the chapter right after writing it. My so-called book wasn’t already written when I published the first chapter. I was just kind of winging it and barely had any idea what is going to happen in the next chapter. After some time writing on Wattpad started to make me nervous because as soon as I found out that some people actually enjoyed reading the crap I published, I felt like they’re constantly waiting for more and that I should publish regularly. I tried my best to still “wing it” and stick to some kind of schedule but the more time passed, the more I started to perceive writing as a chore. Which is why I quit writing regularly and occasionally published several updates until I quit using Wattpad completely.
  3. Following clichés and copying ideas of others. People often say that copying others is the right thing to do when you are just starting out. Maybe it would have been like that but the thing is – those other people did not have much more knowledge about writing, planning out a great plot, making character seem realistic than I did. So I got inspired from poor writing of others and adapter clichés like being underage and falling in love with young, hot teacher, bad boy or stepfather, being the most popular girl in school etc. Now the idea of those story scenarios happening in real life makes me frown because no stepfather or teacher should seduce someone who’s underage and it’s all kinds of wrong. But in teenage years, I guess, a lot of people, especially girls had those twisted fantasies  about forbidden love in their heads and I still don’t know where did they got them.
  4. Writing about unrealistic characters with unrealistic lives. Just because I copied others, I did not include realistic characters in my books but invented a mix of everything I have read about instead. Right now the thought that I did that makes me want to slam my head against the wall but at the time it seemed like a good idea. Side note: I have learned that readers don’t want to read about characters that aren’t realistic because it is not possible to relate to them. Thanks to Jenna Moreci for this brilliant grain of thought because I was not ingenious enough to figure out that by myself.
  5. Writing terrible sex scenes. It’s no secret that almost everyone in their early teens is a walking and breathing set of raging hormones and at that part of out lives we think about sex quite often. Maybe that was the reason because 99% of teen written fiction had several sex scenes in it. What makes this fact cringe worthy is that these scenes were poorly written. No wonder – some of us had zero action at that time and it’s not possible to write believable scene about something you have never experienced yourself. If I could ever give advice to teenage writers, I’d suggest them to wait until they are older and more experienced. Of course, you might figure out how it’s done technically from movies (or porn, which I don’t suggest) but you will never catch the emotional side of it and most people don’t want to read dry description of sex with several serious mistakes in it.

These are 5 of the most popular mistakes young writers including me, especially on Wattpad, have made while trying to write fiction. It was an exciting time in my life when I first tried to get my content out there, even before creating my very first blog and even though I feel a little ashamed about it, I can definitely learn a lot from my first attempts. Since then I have found my own voice and the topics I feel passionate about, and learned a lot of tips and tricks on how to improve my writing. However, I’m still learning every day and I have decided to create new Wattpad profile to publish my writing on in the future. This time I definetly won’t make the mistakes I mentioned in this post.

Have you ever tried writing fiction and what were the mistakes you made?

Love, Porcelain Doll.

New crush and 25 silly thoughts you get along with it.

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Girl with heart baloonsHello, dear readers! I don’t want to sound like thirteen years old version of myself but today I decided to talk about that time of your life when interesting, charming person appears in you life and – BAM! – you realize you have a crush on them. You are not quite in love with him or her but are convinced that in beneficial conditions you might fall for them. As you start slowly transferring from “having a crush” to “being in love” part, your brain most likely starts to come up with the weirdest thoughts and assure you that either you are destined to be with this person or you are plain dumb and making the biggest mistake of your life by just giving a small hint about your feelings towards this special person. Briefly said – there is a total shitshow in your head. So here are 20 silly and annoying thoughts you probably get when you start falling for someone.

  1. What if he/she is just super friendly in general and what I confused with flirting is just plain friendliness?
  2. What if he/she is not into girls/guys?
  3. What if I’m too young/old for this person to be romantically interested in me?
  4. What if I’m too straightforward while showing my interest and he/she is not even interested in me? Oh, what an embarrassment that would be!
  5. What if this person actually has a crush on me and I’m not showing enough interest in him/her? That way I risk losing a chance to ever be with my crush and someone else will take that chance instead.
  6. What if I’m not his/her type?
  7. What if I have done something wrong that changed this persons opinion about me?
  8. What if he/she is already in a relationship and isn’t looking for anything?
  9. What if he/she is already in a relationship and is looking only for a side piece?
  10. Why does it take so long for my crush to respond to my messages?
  11. Why are his/her responses so short?
  12. At which point I can get more personal in our conversations?
  13. What is that person with him/her in the picture? Are they just friends or…?
  14. Why he/she is so emotionless whenever we spend time together? Is my crush an actual Cyborg or just not interested?
  15. How can I find out his/her relationship status without making it too straightforward that I’m romantically interested?
  16. We haven’t talked in few days. Should I call or text first?
  17. I’m so done with hiding my feelings. I will tell my crush everything the next time we meet.
  18. Okay, looks like this person isn’t interested in me at all. I’m so done with him/her.
  19. Oh no! I was too immature/flirty/awkward in the last message I sent?
  20. Am I already friendzoned? If so, how do I know that?
  21. Should I try out my chances with someone else while I’m not sure about his/her feelings towards me?
  22. Does he/she even thinks about me?
  23. Do I even have a crush on him/her? Maybe this person is just my soulmate and future best friend because we definitely have a lot in common.
  24. Do long distance relationships ever work out? What if we become a couple and he/she starts cheating on me because I’m not around?
  25. What if he/she is single but someone else has a crush on this person? What if this random person is already making a move while I’m just sitting here and over-thinking?

Those are all the silly, weird and overwhelming thoughts that everyone could have in this confusing time of your life. I’m so thankful that the awkward, early teenage years have passed long ago and I don’t fancy anyone just because they have good looks and everyone likes them. To be honest, I’d rather delete that part of my life when I had terrible first crush at the age of 11 and later on – super awkward and sloppy first kiss with a guy I just met that day on cruise when I was 14 years old. Side note – we never talked again. However, being almost nineteen doesn’t mean that managing my love life has gotten much easier. I might not over-analize every glance from my crush and every text message but I’m still confused about a lot of things and that gave me an inspiration to make this list. But, looking from the positive side, even all the crushes that did not work out and the rollercoaster-like relationship that ended after few years made really good stories to remember.

Also, let me tell you a secret – the last and only relationship I have been in gave me an inspiration to write a book. I still remember, how few months after getting to know each other he said: “You should write a book about how we met.” I am sure that we wasn’t really serious about it that time but after everything ended and wounds have healed, I decided that writing a book is exactly what I am going to do. Our so-called relationships was one hell of a ride with its ups and downs and that’s why it would fit in a book so perfectly. However, the main idea of the book is not to idealize it and the whole “I met him and he changed me” part is just one of the few main things in it. That’s all I am going to tell you about the book because right now I am working on first rough draft and I don’t really want to jinx it. 🙂

That’s it for today’s post. Which thoughts on the list have you had while having a crush on someone? How did they impact your relationship with your “person of interest”?

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 facts you probably didn’t know about me.

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Hello, dear readers!  While I’m still coming up with a list of non-personal blog post ideas, the purpose of this entry is to give you a chance to get to know me better. I am still a little careful every time I write about myself because, if you have been following me for at least 6 months, you know that I basically used to turn my blog into online diary where I rant about pointless things in my life. It was more like a trash can not a blog, to be honest. However, those times are over and I am not going back to my old way. So, here is a list of 5 facts you probably didn’t know about me. Even some of my friends don’t know some of them yet.

  1. I often laugh when I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I have no idea what kind of weird reaction is it and how long I have been acting like this but sometimes it appears in very weird situations. For example, if I’m watching a horror movie and a character gets murdered in a bizarre way, I will laugh. Not because I find it funny or entertaining but just because my mind is confused and I don’t know how to react otherwise.
  2. My hair changes whenever I experience major change in my life. Somehow I just want mark the beginning of something new by changing my hair. Not in the “Britney Spears in 2007” kind of way but still. So far I have had blonde, green and purple hair ends in different periods of my life. Also, let’s not forget the period in my life when I was obsessed with hair chalk and had strands in all possible colours.
  3. From age 12 to 15 I spent way too much time on Wattpad, reading and writing shitty fiction. They say you have to start somewhere but, believe me, everything that was written by me was garbage. Or at least 96% . Why? One of the reasons – when I started writing new piece of fiction, I had no idea, how my story is going to end. There are plenty other mistakes I made but I will go in-depth about this in different post in very close future.
  4. In kindergarten I was constantly fighting with boys because I liked toy cars and Legos better than dolls. I have no explanation for this but I remember that chubby dolls with blinking eyes, dressed in frilled dresses were boring to me. The same was with toy tableware and everything that was placed in girls’ corner. I guess even then I didn’t give crap about gender roles and thought that everyone can play with any toy they wanted to.
  5. I hate being interrupted during a creative process. It does not matter, if I’m painting, drawing, playing an instrument or busy with a random DIY project. Don’t you dare to come up to me and start some off topic chatter or even ask me to do something else. If were not creating together and you are not here to help me, better just leave before I get mad.

Here you go – now I am not just a random person behind your screen and after this personal post I will be ready to entertain you with different kind of content in the future. By the way, can you relate to any of the things I mentioned in this list? If so, please let me know by commenting below. 🙂

Wishing you all the best, Porcelain Doll.

Out of the comfort zone – my first exchange program.

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Hello, dear readers! You have probably noticed that I have been away for a little more than a week and shame on me – I forgot to write and schedule post for that time period. However, this week was not wasted and I am back with more exciting content. For the first time in my life I strongly decided to make this summer exciting, push my limits and try new things. The tattoo was first of them. Next thing I challenged myself to do was to participate in an exchange program. I still remember the day when I filled out the form and sent it. One part of me was feeling unsure but the other one was too worried that my youth might go to waste, if I do not step out of my comfort zone. The last thing I want in this life is to live a boring life and at the age of seventy realize that I did not take all the chances I should have taken. Besides – every summer until this one passed so quickly and finally when the school year started again, I realized that all I did on summer break was sleep, spend way too much time on social media and occasionally meet few of my friends.

When the leaving day finally arrived, I felt a little mad at myself that I actually decided to participate in this event. I am that kind of person, who does not go to unknown places and events without my friends by my side and sadly all of my cool crowd had other things to do this summer. “Oh well,” I thought to myself. “Just one week and you will be home. You can do this.” When we finally arrived everything seemed okay but I could not deny the fact that I was scared. How could I not be? As an introverted person, whose voice was too quiet for most of the people and who already got used to the fact that no one cares about my opinion, I was beyond terrified. Nevertheless after the first full day with workshops and social activities, I realized that most of the people are way friendlier that I expected and I am definitely not the only one, who prefers working by herself instead of being a part of a group. This was the main reason I chose art workshop instead of dance or music. Also, I was already way too familiar with music and dancing did not catch my eye as much as improving my art skills did. Although workshops lasted only 3 days and we had performances after that, I was pleasantly surprised and realized that trying new things does not always mean feeling uncomfortable and worrying about everything being perfect. Plus – who could have imagined that I will end up painting something on a blanket with spray paint? All the room for expressing myself was confusing at first but when I finally got used to that, I wanted to keep up it endlessly. Spending most of the day creating something side by side with like-minded people, drinking a lot of coffee, having weird and meaningful conversations and laughing until tears start rolling down our cheeks was my version of heaven on Earth. Besides – I was surprised that I, out of all the people in our group from Latvia, started to socialize with everyone the most. After spending most of my life between people, who just suck out your energy, do not understand your ideas and are constantly grumpy, I finally felt like a fish in the water and happier than ever. I even barely used my mobile phone because everything that was happening around me was way more exciting. (I guess, I rarely had such a good time in my life that I even forgot to use my phone.)

Exchange project Sakskobing.

Yes, that’s me – with the guitar.

One more pleasant surprise I experienced was… actually playing the guitar a lot and enjoying it. I went to this exchange program lacking inspiration and motivation professionally and I was close to giving up. I did not want to play anymore, I was sick of it and almost all eleven years I have been playing classical guitar seemed like nothing. Yes, I could find notes, play pieces but the spark was gone. Imagine looking at fire-place that is empty and do not have even coals in it. That was me until I found that the guy, who is managing the music workshop plays guitar as well. After all these years spent between guitarists, who had one common opinion, I was glad to communicate and learn from someone, whose knowledge is different. After some great conversations I even felt ready to play in public again and all the support from people, who enjoyed my little performance made me feel thankful. I even came to a realization that I should stop focusing on creating a perfect result, enjoy the process more and open my mind to different kind of knowledge. Thank you for bringing my inspiration and a part of my self-esteem back, I’m still close to tears because of that.

Poetry and girl with a guitar.

Even though I wanted more workshops during this exchange program, I was also thankful for the days when we only got to perform. Otherwise I would not have met few great people from other groups, who made me smile and laugh as well. It is hard to explain how thankful I am to everyone I became friends with in this exchange program. I definitely want to see all of you again, so we can grab a cup of coffee, tell each other jokes and inspire each other even more. It’s kind of funny, how right after coming back home I am already thinking about ways to meet everyone again and travel some more but I’m thirsty again for some great emotions. If you are one of the people I met past week, let’s stay in touch because you are super cool. Huge thanks to everyone! Together we definetly made the greatest memories of this summer and I am looking forward to see you again in future exchanges and in between them, of course. 🙂

With love, Porcelain Doll.

P.S. Can I still call myself Porcelain Doll? No matter, how hard I tried to escape the sun, my skin is already a little darker than it was before I came to Denmark. 😀

10 inspiring Tumblr tags you will love.

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Hello, dear readers! I, just like a very big part of the population, have been using Tumblr for years. have had several accounts and have taken few breaks from the site. However, I have to admit that this blogging platform is incredibly great because it takes very little effort to create your blog, it’s easy to promote it and even more – your blog does not have to be made mainly for other people’s eyes like WordPress, Blogger and other blogging platform blogs are. Tumblr blog can be like your online diary, it can be your safe place, if you are trying to lose weight (I’m not talking about thinspo, bonespo and skinspo here, those tags are way too dark.), find friends while battling a mental illness or just simply get inspired. This is why Tumblr has been my most favorite place on the internet. No matter, who you are, you can find friends there. Today I wanted to show you that Tumblr consists of more than pro ana personal blogs and a lot of teenage blogs, who are reblogging #grunge , #pale , #couple pictures. I am sharing those 10 tags to show you, why I am so obsessed with Tumblr in a good way.

10 inspiring Tumblr tags you will love

  1. #studyblr / #studyspo It is no secret that a lot of students are using Tumblr and yes, college students, too. Under these tags you can find pictures of neat, beautiful notebooks, bullet journals and aesthetically pleasing study spaces. Even if you do not really like school, this will make you hyped up and motivated enough to finish that homework as good as possible.
  2. #artjournaling / #artjournal You do not even have to be super creative and artsy to look up this tag and start creating your own art journal. The point in journaling is getting all your emotions and thoughts out. Do not worry about the result, enjoy the process! I consider art journaling very useful to everyone, especially from people, who suffer from mental illnesses. This will make you feel better and maybe you will want to look back at your old journals few months or years later.
  3. #booklr / #bibliophile / #bookblr If you are a book worm like me, you will love this. Under these tags you can find ideas of book to read next, some quotes from books and really beautiful pictures that will make you close the site and pick up a book again.
  4. #bulletjournal / #bujo If you love planning your day or would like to get started with it in a journal not an app, this tag will be for you. You planner does not have to be plain and boring. Get some inspiration under these tags!
  5. #fitspo / #fitfam / #fitblr If you are a fitness junkie, this will take you to all the motivation you need to push harder and get healthier. Motivational quotes, healthy recipes, before and after pics, exercise ideas and pictures that describe your dream body.
  6. #langblr / #langspo If you are a poliglot or simply decided to learn a new language, get some inspiration here, find some pretty notes and vocabularies. Who knows – maybe starting from tomorrow you will start learning Italian!
  7. #journalclub I have mentioned bullet journals and art journals before but there are even more types of journals out there: movie journals, travel journals and more. Under this tag you can find all of these and chose which type you want to start.
  8. #motivation / #inspiration / #quotes Yes, sometimes tags are that simple. Need inspiration? Look for it on Tumblr!
  9. #tumblrroom I do not know a place where to find better room decoration ideas than on Tumblr. A lot of these might be feasible in your own dorm room. Some fairy lights, photos. fluffy pillows and done! Your room is cozier than ever.
  10. #spilledink / #spilledthoughts / #spilledwords / #writersontumblr Are you a blogger or writer, who lacks inspiration? Say no more. These tags will get your mind running again.

There you go – now you know where to look for inspiration when you do not have any. I mentioned more tags here because there were many similar and related to each other. I wish you a happy Tumblr journey but beware – it can get a little addicting! 🙂

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Seeking my true calling.

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Hello, dear readers! Before I even start, let me say that this post will be personal not educational, however I will try not to whine and put myself in a role of a victim. It’s been a week since I returned from the summer guitar camp in which I spent most of my time not playing the guitar but drinking coffee, writing and sleeping instead. I guess, that period in my life was when I experienced serious change in my mindset. Say what you want but I realized that I will never become a professional musican and I was kind of alright with that. Sitting in class with my instrument for at least 6 hours and totally lacking social life never seemed appealing to me, even more – I found it rather sad. My friends were always more like a family, they supported me the most and I simply could not imagine my life without them. Also, for me there is no point in spending hours playing because I see no goal at all. Do I want to be like every other classical guitarist from Baltic states or Russia? No. Do I want to teach children? No. Is playing on stage is my dream? No. I used to think that being a musican is my true calling but now I am almost 100% sure that it is not. I am pretty sure that you would like to stop me here and say: “I think you are making decisions way too quickly. You have bad periods of time in every profession.” Okay. I will agree with you for now. However, if a person is truly passionate about something, doesn’t it keep him up at night? Does this person even thinks about looking at the clock because a lot of time has passed? Is this person too distracted because he’s not seeing a result for a long time to keep doing something? I am pretty sure that the answer to all of these questions is no. When you are truly passionate about something, you do not care that there is no result yet, you do not care, how much time it takes to improve your skills and you can not live long periods of time without doing what you love. So, with that being said, I am not sure I will feel passionate about music ever again and I am almost completely sure that writing is my calling.

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I do not care, if good story idea keeps me up until 5 a.m. I do not care that I am not professional yet. I do not care that finishing one chapter might take me up to 2 hours and that I will have to edit it before this part looks the way I want it to look. Even more – I will not give up when I catch the famous disease, called writer’s block again because I have a goal to become successful, published writer and I will find a way to get there. I love both – the good and the bad times because the flame of passion is burning somewhere inside of me and my head is always full of different ideas. I have so much going in my mind that I can not wait to tell it to the world through writing and I feel like my head will explode, if I do not tell what’s on my mind at least 2 times a week. I know it wil be hard, I know I will probably have a lot of useless drafts and rejection letter but I will get there. Why? Because I want to not someone else wants me to. I am sick of following other people’s expectations and ignoring my dreams. Doing what everyone else expects from me will not make me happy. It is my life not theirs. Mine. I have only one life and it is time to stop wasting in and letting parents and teachers to dirrect it. I will get where I want to be, just watch me.

If you are reading this and feel trapped because someone is expecting certain behaviour – stop! It is better to take a risk and fail than never take it in the first place. Yes, you will fail but that is part of the process. You have to fall before you fly, so I dare you to jump. Now.

Wishing you all the best, Porcelain Doll.

3 valuable life lessons my ex has taught me.

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Readhead, writing in the notebook.

Hello, my dear readers! It has been a little more than 9 months since my last and only relationship ended. It was a very odd one, indeed. We were not an official couple, he never bought me flowers or cooked dinner for us. The most he has physically done for me – probably made a cup of coffee. Althrought break ups are mostly associated with broken dishes, crying at night, excessive drinking and lack of motivation to live with your ex lover, I am not here to to talk about things he did not do or did poorly. I have gone though bitter break up pain and now all that I have left is the feeling of gratefulness. Since the moment I met him to this very moment, I have no doubt that he was the first person, who turned my life upside down and sent in the right direction. Now, when I can calmly look back at every moment I had with him, I want to share few simple, yet incredibly valuabe things he has taught me.

 

  1. Stop apologizing when you feel like you did nothing wrong. I can remember countless moments when I apologized to my parents but did not really understand what for. They always acted like they are superior to me and taught me that regardless of situation, I am the one to blame and am obligated to apologize. However, the fact that they never had this obligation was thought-provoking to me and did not seem quite right to me. Apologies that do not came from my were useless and just made me feel weak in front of my parents. As soon as I listened to my ex and quit this untrue habit, it made my life a little easier.
  2. Speak your mind and do not ever use a phrase “I have nothing left to say.” in a conversation. This small sentence is a total chat killer. It just makes everyone involved feel awkward and you feel so uncomfortable that you wish the ground would open and swallow you whole. Even if you have nothing to say for a moment, either have a small pause or just say whatever comes to your mind. It might be something like: “I have not had my coffee today yet and I am feeling a little weary today.” or “The woman who just passed by, reminds me of my grandmother so much.” or literally any though that crosses your mind but is not incredibly inapproporiate. I used to be very secretive and quiet person, who could not keep conversation going for more than three minutes, so this little tip was a life saver for me.
  3. Do not cherish way too high hopes. If they will not come true, the disappointment will literally kill you. Seems like a weird advice to give, right? However, I found this quite helpful in my life. Whenever I expected something great to happen too much, I ended up frustrated. For example, five years ago I was so desperate to go to the concert of my favorite singer. I talked about it to my mum a lot and I had high hopes that she will buy me a ticket and let me go. Nevertheless, it was in my country not somewhere far away and was not way too expensive. Of course, she did not let me go and the disappointment was so big that I cried about it at nights for about two weeks. Now I have learned to approach all life events with calmly with no exaggerated expectations.

Those, I guess, were the most important and unique life lessons I have learned so for. No wonder why they were a little odd – it all came from very excentric person and thinking about him as a person still fascinates me. However, now I percieve him more like a character from a book not a real person from my life. But let me tell you a tiny secret – he actually is one of the characters in my first realistic fiction book. Even though he is not a part of my life anymore, this guy impacted my life so much that I will never be these same. And I do not even want to be the same. I am deeply grateful for these few life sessons he taught me, for the memories we made, for every emotion I have felt and for the huge inspiration to put these events in my own book. Currently I will not tel you more about it because I do not want to spoil the surprise and I have no idea, how it will go. No high hopes but I will do my best and maybe something unexpectedly great will come out of it.

Have your previous relationship/-s taught you something meaningful? What excatly?

With love, Porcelain Doll.

6 mistakes I made when I started a blog at thirteen-ish.

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Hello, my dear readers! No one is ever born a successful blogger or writer. If you are writing, too, you should know this by now. When I talk about my writing ambitions, my mum often asks me: “Have you thought that maybe you do not have any talent in writing? What if you get sick of it?” Those questions do not scare me anymore because I have already answered them to myself. To become a writer, there are few things you need: curious mind, different approach to life and love for reading. I doubt that there are people, who are born with writing talent and everything came easy to them. All kinds of writers just have the things I mentioned before that you need for starting. If you have this starter kit, you will keep going. Yes, maybe you will leave lots of empty wine bottles, and crumpled pieces of paper that have lots of useless words written on them but that it part of the exciting process. To answer my mother’s second question – I will not get sick of it. There is always something going on my mind – all kinds of emotions, doubts, fantasies… Everything! I never stop doubting, fanatasizing, watching and reading. I am way too curious, way too hungry for pain, different emotions and experiences to ever be bored with being a writer. However, I was not always like that. In my early teens I was just a little bookworm, who thought that writing a blog is a stylish thing to do. At the age of thirteen, I did not have lot of deep thoughts in my mind and it is no surprise – I was going through puberty. Now, when I am finally eighteen years old, I see everything clearer and can look back to my young self and notice mistakes I made while just starting my blog.1blog

  1. I had no clue what I was going to write about. I saw a lot of girls being interested in fashion but that was no passion of mine, so I wrote literally everything that came into my mind. That is how my blog turned into more like an online diary where I just vomited all my thoughts in public. Looking back at thirteen years old me – it was no wonder I decided to create a kind of online diary. I was the quiet kid and my parents were often too busy to talk about me with my feelings.
  2. I had no goals and schedule. As I said, younger version of me thought about blogging as just something that cool kids might do. I had no ambitions yet to publish a novel, make money with my blog and become a writer. I could publish a post back then, disappear for a month, then publish one more… And so on.
  3. I did not interact with other bloggers and writers enough. This is the thing I am still working on. Of course, writing a blog is interesting but I got so caught up in it that I barely read blogs of other people, not even talking about commenting on them and liking their content. Being a blogger is not a lonely road. There are lots and lots of other bloggers and from interacting with them, you can only gain. So get out there! If you like someone’s post, let them now! If you have questions, do not be shy and ask them in the comment section!
  4. My post titles were long and not ‘eye catching’ at all. I will give you few examples from my previous content. “Unconditionally is out/thanks to my followers”. Okay, what kind of title is even that? I sound like an amateur musician, who just released original song and is thanking her fans, which is not what I meant at all. At that time I was hyped about Katy Perry’s new single and the fact that my blog was gaining more followers. Nothing too exciting. “Cody Simpson and all those “cuties” that girls like so much.”, “Mad teachers, teachers’ pets,why I hate math and The Princess Syndrome.” , “My parents don’t let me choose most of the thing that matter to me.” You can roast me on these but for now I will just cringe in silence.
  5. Too much personal repeated “vomit”. Everytime I misunderstood hints of my crush or had an argument with my parents, I ran to my blog, so I could get it all out. Too bad I did not know that people do not like blogs that are full of personal drama. Why? Because they get nothing out of it. For my readers this was just a bunch of useless information and a complete waste of time. I would not read a blog like this either.
  6. Too short blog posts. When I was younger, I found it hard to write 500+ words for a post, so often my blog was filled with short posts that often did not have any meaning. Like I pointed out while writing about my first mistake, I had no idea what was I going to write about. It is kind of impossible to write long quality content when you have no idea what are you doing.

In general, those are the main reasons, why I failed to create a successful blog in the past. However, now I am motivated to improve it in every way possible and write quality content only. Have you started blogging in your teens, too? How did it go for you and what mistakes did you made?

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Living with panic disorder.

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Hello, my dear readers! I have mentioned before in this blog that I am battling depression. What I did not mention before is the fact that I also have a panic disorder. What does that mean, you may ask? Having a panic disorder means experiencing sudden panic attacks, sometimes in stressful situations, sometimes at random moments for no apparent reason at all. In those moments symptoms like nausea, shortness of breath, light-headedness, shaking and derealization or depersonalization may be experienced. Personally I can go without panic attacks for weeks, even months and then suddenly have one again. I do not remember having them under the age of sixteen. When I finished elementary school and moved to another city, that is when I probably had my first panic attack. It happened in a Latvian lesson. I was called up to the blackboard to write down a simple sentence and analyze it. What could I be worried about? I was always good at languages and my native language was no exception. As soon as I walked up to the blackboard, my head started spinning, my heart was going way too fast and I was catching my breath, barely even reading the sentence. At that moment everything felt so unreal, yet I knew that everyone was watching me and I could not help but wonder – is it visible to them that I am having a panic attack in front of the whole class? How embarrassing! I just wanted to run away and hide until it is over.

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After the first attack I experienced several more in next few years. Symptoms were the same but situations sometimes changed. I had a panic attack while reciting a poem in front of a class, I had it in my guitar lesson when I did not feel physically good and was worried that my teacher would get mad at me for not trying hard enough. Also, panic attacks occurred in such simple every day cases like ordering food at the restaurant while being abroad or visiting a local bank to get a new credit card.

I wish I could just get rid of the panic disorder but I does not happen like that. I can only have good days and bad days. Sadly, I never know which one this will be. I guess, I just have to accept the fact that I am one of the people, who experience this. There is not much I can do about it, except for taking pills but I am so done with all the medication that is used for treating mental disorders. I do not want to go into the same apathetic state where I did not want to do anything at all because I just did not feel anything or care about anything. I will rather have annoying mood swings than never-ending apathy. Living with any kind of mental disorder is not easy at all. I guess, the first thing I have to do is fully accept that I have it and it might interfere with some of my every day activities. It is okay, things like that happen. I am definitely not the only one, dealing with this.

In case you are battling depression, anxiety, panic disorder or any different kind of mental disorder, do not hesitate to message me. I will try to support you the best way I can because feeling of helplessness is not new to me. We will try to live this life the best way we can. Having a mental illness does not mean you have to spend all day locked in your house and watch as the life passes by.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

My first tattoo returned my faith back.

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Hello, my dear readers! Today I wanted to talk about one of the things that I’ve been dreaming to do for so long – getting a tattoo. I still remember those days when I was a little girl and had conversations with my best friend how, when we are going to turn eighteen years old, we will get tattoos. We even romanticized this idea so much that we thought about getting our appointments in one day and being next to each other while it is happening. Of course, in reality it did not turn out like that. When I just turned eighteen, there was no way I could get a tattoo because I did not have enough money. It took a lot of saving but finally, in June 29th I got my tattoo done.

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Some people think that getting tattoo in a young age is a mistake. I bet every person, who has a tattoo, has heard a phrase: “Have you ever thought, how you will look with it when you get old? What if your interests change and you do not like it anymore?” at least once in their life. So did I, every single time I mentioned my wish to my parents. Also, I got told: “If you do this, you will probably get AIDS.” Oh well, mum and dad. Even if I would not get a tattoo, there are plenty of other chances to get AIDS. And, can you, please, stop telling me that I can not do things I want just because there is a risk to fail, get ill etc? This fear of failure, if I try to do something I really want has followed me for years. My mother has always told me things like: “You can not get a tattoo, you will get AIDS, if you do.” , “You should not study something other than music in college because what if you are just another average person, who chose that path?” , “I do not think you should become a writer. You are not talented enough. Is there even something you have written so far?” . Every single one of those things just made me feel miserable, made me feel like there is no point in even trying because I do not deserve the things I want in life and I am not good enough to get them. Well, guess what? Not anymore. I am done believing these lies.

For me getting a tattoo was not just getting a tattoo. It was me, proving myself that I can do things I want to do. It was me, showing myself that I am strong and I can handle the pain. And it was me, telling myself that, if I can do this, I can do anything. Maybe I will not study in the university I have planned to study in for years but I will find another one that is just as great. Maybe I will not become as successful as J. K. Rowling or E. L. James but I will definitely do what I love and find a way to make money with it. It is just a tattoo but it was one more little thing that showed me, how you think things are impossible until they are done.

Whenever it got so painful that pain was literally running down my hand, I thought to myself: “Oh well, at least this is not as painful as seeing my parents disappointed and not being to accept me for who I am. At least as moments when they do not understand, how much effort it takes to do even smallest things when you are depressed. And it is definitely not as painful as their yelling when I am doing my best but it is still not good enough for them. That’s how I got through the pain and it did not seem too bad to me at all. And in the end – something incredibly beautiful came out of that pain. A wonderful phoenix tattoo that symbolizes, how I can get through anything. To me it is more than a tattoo. It is the symbol of bravery and strength. Probably, it will not look as good when I am seventy years old but at least I will remember why I got it and what it means to me.

What do we get out of this story? I guess, the main idea is: “Do something, if it seems meaningful to you. It does not matter, if others like it or not. What matters is how you feel about it. And then when you are old and wrinkly, you will be able to tell your grandchildren that you were brave enough to live to the fullest and have no list of things that you could do but never did.”

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Starting over with Dolls Have Hearts.

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Coffee cup and notebook with a pen.

Hello, dear reader! Maybe just now you have noticed that there are no other blog posts in here except this one. You might ask – where did all of your content go? It’s simple – I deleted it because I no longer felt like the person, who previously was posting here. I am not this depressed, brokenhearted teenage girl anymore. I won’t binge post about my heartache or how hopeless it feels when I can’t even push myself to get out of bed. Posts like that don’t make this world better in any way. I’m done with the old me, who wrote about stuff that barely matters and “decorated” it with a lot of GIFs and images. I am done with the person, who was so obsessed with the idea about becoming a successful blogger that writing became almost like a chore for her. From now on I will make sure that everything I post here is quality content that I, myself would enjoy to read. I will not curse, I will not use primitive teenage language because you know what? I have grown up and I have decided that I want to change. Instead of being scared, lonely and lacking any motivation, I decided to take more risks, learn from the past and become better than I ever was.

Yes, I am still battling my mental illness but I have decided that I won’t let depression dictate the way I live my life and I will regain full control over it. Maybe through writing a lot as often as I can, maybe through finding calm in some religion I haven’t been a part of before, maybe through meditating… Who knows. All that matters is the fact that slowly but surely I am digging myself out of the dark hole that I have been in for years. However, I have given up any hope that antidepressants could help me. Even if they help with my condition a little, they still cause a lot of weird side effects. I don’t want to rely on medication all the time and honestly, it feels like it is not the right cure for me. One more thing that helps me to feel better every day is to be proud even about smallest things I have done that day. Have I washed dishes? Great! Have I practiced to play the guitar for a half an hour today. Way to go! Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to practice for 40 minutes. I am proud about everything that I have done because I remember there were days when I could not get out of bed. I just wallowed in self-pity and tried to escape from thoughts in my sleep. Unsuccessful, though. Everything I was worried about, usually came back in nightmares.

Anyway – enough about me for this time. You might want to be curious, what are my plans for this blog in the future. Well, let me make this clear. I will probably not post regularly but I will try to write at least one 500+ words long post every week and when I do it, that will be quality content only. No more posts about celebrities, unless they have done something that really touched my heart, no more self-pity posts about depression and no more posts about the drama queens in my school. I believe there are way more important topics out there to talk about and that is what I am going to do from now on. So cheers! Raise your coffee cup or whatever you are drinking right now to the new beginning of my blog!

With love, Porcelain Doll.