My first tattoo returned my faith back.

Hello, my dear readers! Today I wanted to talk about one of the things that I’ve been dreaming to do for so long – getting a tattoo. I still remember those days when I was a little girl and had conversations with my best friend how, when we are going to turn eighteen years old, we will get tattoos. We even romanticized this idea so much that we thought about getting our appointments in one day and being next to each other while it is happening. Of course, in reality it did not turn out like that. When I just turned eighteen, there was no way I could get a tattoo because I did not have enough money. It took a lot of saving but finally, in June 29th I got my tattoo done.


Some people think that getting tattoo in a young age is a mistake. I bet every person, who has a tattoo, has heard a phrase: “Have you ever thought, how you will look with it when you get old? What if your interests change and you do not like it anymore?” at least once in their life. So did I, every single time I mentioned my wish to my parents. Also, I got told: “If you do this, you will probably get AIDS.” Oh well, mum and dad. Even if I would not get a tattoo, there are plenty of other chances to get AIDS. And, can you, please, stop telling me that I can not do things I want just because there is a risk to fail, get ill etc? This fear of failure, if I try to do something I really want has followed me for years. My mother has always told me things like: “You can not get a tattoo, you will get AIDS, if you do.” , “You should not study something other than music in college because what if you are just another average person, who chose that path?” , “I do not think you should become a writer. You are not talented enough. Is there even something you have written so far?” . Every single one of those things just made me feel miserable, made me feel like there is no point in even trying because I do not deserve the things I want in life and I am not good enough to get them. Well, guess what? Not anymore. I am done believing these lies.

For me getting a tattoo was not just getting a tattoo. It was me, proving myself that I can do things I want to do. It was me, showing myself that I am strong and I can handle the pain. And it was me, telling myself that, if I can do this, I can do anything. Maybe I will not study in the university I have planned to study in for years but I will find another one that is just as great. Maybe I will not become as successful as J. K. Rowling or E. L. James but I will definitely do what I love and find a way to make money with it. It is just a tattoo but it was one more little thing that showed me, how you think things are impossible until they are done.

Whenever it got so painful that pain was literally running down my hand, I thought to myself: “Oh well, at least this is not as painful as seeing my parents disappointed and not being to accept me for who I am. At least as moments when they do not understand, how much effort it takes to do even smallest things when you are depressed. And it is definitely not as painful as their yelling when I am doing my best but it is still not good enough for them. That’s how I got through the pain and it did not seem too bad to me at all. And in the end – something incredibly beautiful came out of that pain. A wonderful phoenix tattoo that symbolizes, how I can get through anything. To me it is more than a tattoo. It is the symbol of bravery and strength. Probably, it will not look as good when I am seventy years old but at least I will remember why I got it and what it means to me.

What do we get out of this story? I guess, the main idea is: “Do something, if it seems meaningful to you. It does not matter, if others like it or not. What matters is how you feel about it. And then when you are old and wrinkly, you will be able to tell your grandchildren that you were brave enough to live to the fullest and have no list of things that you could do but never did.”

Love, Porcelain Doll.

3 thoughts on “My first tattoo returned my faith back.

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