Hello, my dear readers! It has been a little more than 9 months since my last and only relationship ended. It was a very odd one, indeed. We were not an official couple, he never bought me flowers or cooked dinner for us. The most he has physically done for me – probably made a cup of coffee. Althrought break ups are mostly associated with broken dishes, crying at night, excessive drinking and lack of motivation to live with your ex lover, I am not here to to talk about things he did not do or did poorly. I have gone though bitter break up pain and now all that I have left is the feeling of gratefulness. Since the moment I met him to this very moment, I have no doubt that he was the first person, who turned my life upside down and sent in the right direction. Now, when I can calmly look back at every moment I had with him, I want to share few simple, yet incredibly valuabe things he has taught me.
- Stop apologizing when you feel like you did nothing wrong. I can remember countless moments when I apologized to my parents but did not really understand what for. They always acted like they are superior to me and taught me that regardless of situation, I am the one to blame and am obligated to apologize. However, the fact that they never had this obligation was thought-provoking to me and did not seem quite right to me. Apologies that do not came from my were useless and just made me feel weak in front of my parents. As soon as I listened to my ex and quit this untrue habit, it made my life a little easier.
- Speak your mind and do not ever use a phrase “I have nothing left to say.” in a conversation. This small sentence is a total chat killer. It just makes everyone involved feel awkward and you feel so uncomfortable that you wish the ground would open and swallow you whole. Even if you have nothing to say for a moment, either have a small pause or just say whatever comes to your mind. It might be something like: “I have not had my coffee today yet and I am feeling a little weary today.” or “The woman who just passed by, reminds me of my grandmother so much.” or literally any though that crosses your mind but is not incredibly inapproporiate. I used to be very secretive and quiet person, who could not keep conversation going for more than three minutes, so this little tip was a life saver for me.
- Do not cherish way too high hopes. If they will not come true, the disappointment will literally kill you. Seems like a weird advice to give, right? However, I found this quite helpful in my life. Whenever I expected something great to happen too much, I ended up frustrated. For example, five years ago I was so desperate to go to the concert of my favorite singer. I talked about it to my mum a lot and I had high hopes that she will buy me a ticket and let me go. Nevertheless, it was in my country not somewhere far away and was not way too expensive. Of course, she did not let me go and the disappointment was so big that I cried about it at nights for about two weeks. Now I have learned to approach all life events with calmly with no exaggerated expectations.
Those, I guess, were the most important and unique life lessons I have learned so for. No wonder why they were a little odd – it all came from very excentric person and thinking about him as a person still fascinates me. However, now I percieve him more like a character from a book not a real person from my life. But let me tell you a tiny secret – he actually is one of the characters in my first realistic fiction book. Even though he is not a part of my life anymore, this guy impacted my life so much that I will never be these same. And I do not even want to be the same. I am deeply grateful for these few life sessons he taught me, for the memories we made, for every emotion I have felt and for the huge inspiration to put these events in my own book. Currently I will not tel you more about it because I do not want to spoil the surprise and I have no idea, how it will go. No high hopes but I will do my best and maybe something unexpectedly great will come out of it.
Have your previous relationship/-s taught you something meaningful? What excatly?
With love, Porcelain Doll.