Dear grandma… This one’s for you.

A stack of letters, tied with a ribbon, handwritten letter and a photo.

Hello, dear readers! I decided to add a little introduction before posting the letter itself. Life has gotten more interesting during these days and that’s the reason why I am writing this post about nine hours before publishing. Don’t get me wrong – I am fully dedicated to blogging but I have always been a master procrastinator and… when I start falling in love, everything else just kind of disappears. Anyways, let’s fast forward to the actual letter.

“Dear grandma… It’s been a while since we talked. Well, if I don’t count in all the times I thought about you and sent my thoughts your way. I don’t believe that all the dead relatives are somewhere up there, sitting on a cloud and looking down to me. Not anymore. But I believe there’s a tiny part of you everywhere I go and I will always remember you. I think of you when a nice old lady helps me to find a way home when I am lost, I think of you when I see wild tulips and when I pass the remains of an old greenhouse in our garden. It is not possible to forget you because in a way you were my hero and for some reason – the closest family member, even though we didn’t meet every day or even every week.

You died when I was just a kid and kids live carelessly – they don’t really appreciate what they have until it’s gone. I still remember the day I was walking home with my friend and told her that you are in the hospital. I never thought it’s that serious. I thought you would spend some time there, then go back home and just go on with your life but… you didn’t. One of the times I visited you with my parents will be forever engrained in my mind. You told me few simple but memorable words: “Always be proud of yourself.” However, my mother at that moment felt the need to add unnecessary comment that I already have way too much pride. It annoyed me at that time because the moment was supposed to be special. Those were the last words I remember that were dedicated to me and they always be meaningful.

Now, when I look back at everything that happened to me since you left, I can say that it was a wild ride. Nevertheless, more often I wonder, if you would be proud of me not if I would be proud of myself. I haven’t been the straight A student but I have tried my best. I didn’t wait until after the marriage to lose my virginity but I lost it with someone I loved. I didn’t turn out to be super polite girl, who never cause any trouble but I turned out to be a little shameless and very passionate person instead. Regardless of ups and downs in my life, I still strive to be better version of myself. There are times when I stop progressing but soon after I am back on the road again. Too much has happened to tell it all.

Even though the loss of you made me feel sad and empty for a while, and wish I had been a better granddaughter, it has also made me realize something. Some good people in my life will stay for a long period of time and some – for a short period of time. Regardless of the time period, I should appreciate every good person in my life and enjoy the time with them that I have been given. Stuff happens – sometimes people slowly and painfully fall apart, sometimes they die, sometimes they just vanish from my life with no explanation and I am facing a choice. I can stay sad for the rest of my life or I can feel thankful that I had a chance to spend time with them and keep living.

So thank you for the nine years I had a chance to know you. Thank you for always being on my side and being proud of me when I couldn’t really be proud of myself. I will always wish we had more time to spend together and more chances to talk about the things we haven’t talked about.

Rest in peace, you will always be remembered.”

Back to you, my dear readers. It was a pleasure to share something personal with you and I look forward to sharing more similar posts with you in the future. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot! I finally have a job. It is a part-time waitressing job but that still counts. 🙂

Love, Porcelain Doll.

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