Hello, dear readers! If you have been following my blog for at least a month, you know that I recently ended a relationship. It took me quite some time to realize that being with this person recently started to make me very unhappy and nothing could be improved at that point. Even though our relationship ended with a huge and unpleasant blast, I wanted to make something good out of it – share the red flags I tried to ignore, so you do not make the same mistakes in a relationship if you ever notice them. The harsh truth about relationships is the fact that even though you have to fight for someone if you really love them, it takes two people to make it work. If one person is ready to make a sacrifice while other one is not – that will not work. Without any further intro, let’s take a look at seven major red flags you should not ignore in your relationship.
- Your partner guilt trips you whenever they get a chance. Maybe you told an unsuccessful joke and they completely misinterpreted it. Maybe you got a little too drunk and kissed someone else when you were still in some an early stage of your relationship. Even though you were the first to recognize the mistake and apologized for it from all of your heart, they still keep mentioning it weeks, even months later at the most random moments. I am not telling you it is okay to say something offensive to your partner or cheat on them but everyone makes mistakes. It’s all about learning from them and forgiving, so your relationship can keep on evolving.
- Your partner is not capable of admitting that they hurt your feelings and apologizing about it. If you have to be the only one in this relationship, who apologizes and forgives in this relationship, it will not work. The longer it continues, the more helpless you will start to feel and the lower your self-esteem will fall.
- Your partner does not provide emotional support when it is needed, especially, if you suffer from mental illness (for example, depression). They get repulsed by your mood swings, think you are being over-dramatic etc, this is not going to work.
- Your partner does not show interest in what is important to you. All they do is complain about you two not having more matching interests while never asking more about what you are passionate about and why. Of course, you should show an interest in their hobbies, work etc, too.
- Your partner seems very different after “the honeymoon phase” in your relationship is over. Where did this sweet, caring person, who loved to make you scrambled eggs in the morning and cuddle with you for hours go? You will never know. Suddenly you ended up with a human version of grumpy cat, who finds all of your jokes expensive and 30 minutes after your arrival, hides in his room to play video games with his friends.
- Your partner is too concerned about long-term goals like having kids when you have only been dating for 2 months. Come on, this should not be a concern while you are still in your 20’s. It is not like your biological clock is ticking fast already.
- Your partner keeps making offensive jokes about you. It is alright to cross the line once in a while, we all make mistakes but if it is happening almost daily, that is one of the biggest red flags and self-esteem wreckers ever. Leave now.
I am not trying to be a blogger version of Taylor Swift but there are some things that I would like to add about my relationship before I end this post. Nothing felt right at the very end. Even when we went out for a dinner which was supposed to be a romantic gesture, I felt like I was sitting across the table from a stranger with who I somehow ended up in a relationship with. When I wanted to talk things out, he warned me that as soon I would start crying, this conversation would be over. I will not dive into details of this breakup, however, the moment when I realized it is really over was when I walked out of the door of his apartment in early morning hours. Before that happened, I was crying almost non stop for 4 hours while he was sleeping in the other room. I could not carelessly fall next to someone whom I broke up with and who felt more emotionally distant than ever. I waited until I had a chance to get into the first city bus and leave. In a movie, just when you are walking out of the door, your partner wakes up, runs out of the door and asks you to stay. Maybe even asks for forgiveness. If not, at least offers to help you carry your heavy bags to the bus station. However, life is not a movie. Even though he woke up, opened the door and asked where was I going, after my reply, he just nodded and said bye. This is how our story ended and, hopefully, it ended for good.
Until the next time on Dolls Have Hearts!
Love, Porcelain Doll.