Leaving the closet: a confession of a bisexual. #PrideMonth

hands of a woman on the laptop keyboard and a white cup of tea on the table beside her

Hello, dear readers! This is probably the most exciting and nerve wrecking post I have ever written on my blog, so it explains why I am publishing in the evening of Wednesday but I just thought…. it’s time. If you didn’t already know that, June is Pride Month where people of different sexualities are celebrating simply being their true selves. If you are straight, there’s a big chance you feel like LGBT+ community is just shoving all the ways they are different down your throat. Maybe you are upset because heterosexuals aren’t celebrating their sexuality the same way. But… why should they? Being straight is like a default setting. You don’t have to come out to your friends and/or family, you don’t have to hide that you have a crush on someone as an adult because that counts as “normal”.

So, I am not going to stretch out the intro of this post any longer and will just say what I wanted to say. I am bisexual and I am fully comfortable with it. I like guys and girls the same way which, however, doesn’t mean that I like both genders equally. If you are a bisexual as well, you will know that this can fluctuate. At some point you might like guys more, at some point – girls, at some point both of these genders equally. Before I get into my own personal story, I will just clear out few more stereotypes out of the way, so we can continue this conversation in a non-judgemental atmosphere.

  • “Bisexuals are just greedy, they want to have “the best of both worlds”. I bet you didn’t expect this to be coming but there are actually a lot of monogamous bisexuals out there, some of them are even happily married.
  • “But if you date the same-sex partner right now, you must be homosexual or if you have a partner of opposite gender, you are straight.” Wrong. Sexuality is about who you can experience romantic and/or sexual attraction towards to, not who you date at the moment.
  • “Bisexual people most likely have crushes on their same-sex friends.” This is something that I have noticed in girl friendships – there are some straight girls, who are just attached to the idea that if I am bisexual, I have a crush on them. No, just no. Please, get over yourself. If a straight girls has a bunch of guy friends, do you think she has a crush on most or all of them? I don’t think so.
  • “All bisexuals must love the idea of a threesome.” Ummm, no. Don’t assume that we are interested in that way more than people with different sexual orientations. A lot of us put love first and are not up to crazy sexual experiments just because we can experience sexual attraction towards both genders.
  • “You are gay but just won’t admit it.” Although some homosexuals for certain reasons pretend to be bisexual for a while, it doesn’t mean that all bisexual people are secretly gay.

And now, when I have cleared some of the most annoying myths about bisexuality, we can get to my story. Growing up I felt pretty much like a typical straight girl. I remember watching romantic movies with my mum, cringing a lot but still picturing in my head that one day I will meet my Prince Charming with dark hair, piercing blue eyes and cute dimples in his cheeks. To make it even more cliché, I imagined him in an expensive suit and having great manners. Little did I know that this fantasy is way too far from the reality and most men in the world just don’t suit this ideal male version I created in my head. However, when I was a kid there was no doubt that my ideal partner could be anything but a man.

During my teen years some barely noticeable clues popped up here and there but I didn’t think too much of it. Every now and then my eyes lingered a little longer on attractive guys as well as girls but that was it. I still kissed only boys and first person I fell in love with and had sort of relationship with was a guy. Until one time about a year ago when I developed a huge crush on a woman and the way I felt was no different from having a crush on a guy felt. I still experienced a whole rollercoaster of emotions – from warm happiness that was caused by interesting conversations we had to sadness and confusion which made me cry in my pillow cause I didn’t know, how to tell her, how I feel. I will not get into details on who she is and how we met cause, like she said when I finally confessed to my feelings, my crush is more about me than her. Even though our feelings weren’t mutual, I was glad that we didn’t cut off contact completely and I’m simply thankful for this experience in general. If life is all about self discovery, then at that point I discovered something new about myself.

Enough time has passed for me to accept this part of myself and now I feel confident enough to share it with the world. I have shared this with people, who are the closest to me and I’m lucky that most of them are completely accepting. I may not participate in Pride yet but speaking about this on my blog is one of the first steps towards accepting another part of me. Another reason why I am sharing this is to inspire you to embrace yourself, no matter who you are. Sexuality is something natural and beautiful that no one should be ashamed about. Don’t listen to anyone, who says that there is something wrong with you, if you are not straight. Love is love and love between two men or two women can be as beautiful and pure as love between a man and a woman. Also, we live in 21st century and there are so many shamelessly proud examples from LGBT+ community between celebrities, such as Halsey, Shailene Woodley, Megan Fox, Nico Tortorella, Sia, Lady GaGa, Alan Cumming and many more. Be proud of who you are. If you feel the need to come out and it’s safe – do it! If not, it’s fine and you are still as valid as everyone else, who is already “out of the closet”.

I will end this post here but you can definitely expect more LGBT+ related posts on my blog in the future. Happy Pride Month (or what’s left of it) and I will see you next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.