Life and blog update: blog on hold

dark blue sky, full of stars

Hello, dear readers! As you have already noticed, I have not been posting on my blog for a while. I did not want to leave you hanging just like that, so I will explain everything one step at a time.

First thing that made me want to take a break was a the amount of homework in university. As much as I love my blog, no one is keeping me accountable for posting here, no one is paying me to do it, all that I have put in this is just because I wanted to share things with the world. I wanted to brighten up your day and send a message that, no matter what happens in your life, you are not alone. Last week was reading week for almost all university students and that kept me busy for a while. I had two short stories/novellas to read, one short story to write and two online tasks to take. Besides that, I decided to practice writing as much as I can. First step was journaling, writing at least thousand words down, letting that stream of consciousness flow.

Second thing that kept me busy was NaNoWriMo. Well, in fact, it is still keeping me busy. If you do not know what NaNoWriMo is – it is national novel-writing month. A lot of writers all over the world make a decision to write a novel, 50 000 words, in November. Some of them, however, decide to be NaNoWriMo rebels and write poetry, a collection of short stories or something else instead. Either way, that makes November an incredibly busy month. This is the first year I am doing NaNoWriMo and it is exciting but also incredibly challenging. Just imagine writing at least 1666 words every day and it cannot be just random stuff, it has to have an essence.

Third thing has nothing to do with schoolwork or me being a writer. Blogging takes a lot of effort, lot of research, lot of learning from your own mistakes and… I kind of burned out. I will be completely transparent with you right now and admit that although I love writing and blogging a lot, I do not like social media marketing and SEO stuff just because it feels incredibly draining. Currently my blog is not in the place I would want it to be because of the lack of resources, time and maybe even because I am the only person who runs it. I cannot employ anyone at the moment to help me with running the blog and doing certain things in maintaining it do not excite me at all.

Forth thing is that I want to focus more of myself and self-improvement. I want to read more, I want to write more, finally  become self-employed, fall in love with my body again, cross out a bunch of things from my bucket list, give back as much as possible to people who are always there for me, become better at pole fit, finally pick back up bullet journaling and drawing… Oh, there are so many things I want to do.

I really hope that I am not breaking anyone’s heart by saying that I am going to put this blog on a hold for a while. All the content that I have posted here will still be available and the blog itself will be up but… I need to take a break from it. However, if I will have something important to say, I will definitely share it with you here. If I figure out how to run it on a professional level and find someone who can help me to do it, I will be back to posting consistently. It was a nice experience to share my thoughts and experience to the world through this blog. I am feeling a bit bittersweet to post this but I will see you… in the future.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Life update: career goals, school, love and everything else.

Mountains and hands, holding flowers

Hello, dear readers! No matter what, I am promising you and myself to stay consistent at blogging. This time my life got so messy that I had no proper post to prepare, so I am writing this instead and letting you know, how things are going.

University applications have stressed me out a lot. In the middle of January I applied to five UK universities through UCAS. So far I have received three conditional offers, one rejection and… probably will receive another rejection, which makes me wonder, if choosing BA in Creative writing was a good idea in the first place. However, my favorite university offered me the place almost immediately and, even though they did not ask for a writing example, I am excited that they gave me a chance. I will not reveal the name of the university yet but all I can say right now is that it is located in incredibly beautiful place, has a lot of student societies, lovely and affordable dorms and wonderful Fresher’s week events. Even though applying to uni abroad seems a little hectic, I can not wait until I am done and, in a way, starting my life over. New town, new school, new friends and… new me.

Current school is making me very unhappy. I notice that I do not fit in at all and the thing is – I do not want to. However, I would rather get away from it all as quick as possible than dwell in this routine. Lessons do not excite me anymore – most musical subject are way too dry and boring. Most people around me seem completely different from me. No one likes to read, no one is interested in self-improvement, no one is writing a blog… Nothing. I feel like a swan between pigeons. When it comes to self-expression in music, I have completely made up my mind to get higher education in some other subject. I am just not charismatic and extroverted enough to succeed. I feel like I am completely failing at what I do and no one helps me to get out of it. Anyways, there are just three months left, so I am counting down days.

Love, oh love… Does it still exists nowadays? I feel like most people do not know what love even is, they just assume they know what it is. Communication between people, especially women and men is fucked up. Women feel too much but men are repulsed by emotional women. It is like they want some kind of blow-up doll, who could also cook and clean the house. Anything else? Meaningless. Just God forbid you tell them, how you really feel. They are disgusted by vulnerability and affection. Romantic type of love seems to have died out. However, there is a certain male person, whose name I will not mention with who I can be myself. No, we are not a couple and we will never be. We are not even in love. Maybe we are just friends, who lack a certain type of intimacy, so get it from each other. (And no, I am not talking only about sex.) He does not get repulsed when I am emotional, he calms me down instead. Surprisingly, he even like how I play the guitar. I have never met someone, whose occupation in not creative and who enjoys the music I perform that much. I am not in love but I simply appreciate him. Life has weird ways of introducing you with people, who later gain meaning in your life. He is one of them. Maybe, after I graduate, I will never see him again but I will be thankful that I once knew him. He is the reason I still do not believe that “all men are the same”.

I am getting addicted to writing. A little more than a month ago I bought beautiful hardcover notebook. I, just like many others, have a weakness for blank, beautiful and thick notebooks. I might have ten of them at home but I will still buy one more just because writing certain things in a certain notebook feels right. So, I bought the notebook to grow my writing habit. To make it a little harder, I decided to write in it only in English. I started out with a page or half page a day but now I can write several pages each day and still want more. The point of this is to make my language flow more easily, get used to writing in English and get rid of perfectionism. It is so easy to stumble upon words, trying to find the right one and get stuck because of the feeling that nothing you write will ever be good enough. Screw that feeling. Sometimes the only way to write something great is to “vomit” words and feelings all over the page and edit it later. If you love writing but still have not developed the habbit of doing it every day, this is your chance. Start like I did – slowly but fearfully. And read a lot to keep your thoughts and ideas fresh.

That is all I have to say for today. I will just pick up my writing journal and brain dump some more thoughts in to it because nothing is as satisfying as that. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

The real reason I’m not very active on social media.

girl looking at her smartphone and smiling

Hello, dear readers! Today I wanted to talk to you about something more personal instead of sharing inspiring content. Real talk is necessary sometimes, too. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, Facebook, Bloglovin, Instagram or Pinterest, you may have noticed that I’m not very consistent at posting and I don’t post as often as I should have. A lot of bloggers are often active on social media, interract with their fans and are happy to be on those platforms. Well, not me. If you have been following Dolls Have Hearts for a while, you know that blogging isn’t the only or main thing in my life. I love writing with all my heart but I still have priorities like graduating from Music high school and a day job. Those priorities need quite a lot of socializing and energy, so when I finally come home after a lonnng day away, I’m exhausted. And, as an introvert, when I’m exhausted, the last thing I want to do is dive in Twitter or Instagram, see what drama everyone’s been interested in right now and how amazing everyone’s lives are.

I know that social media takes huge role in bloggers’ lives but… it really overwhelms me. Even if I’d use social media post scheduler, it still means I have to think about what kind of content to post and it takes time. The fact that I haven’t been consistent with blogging and posting on social media before makes me even more stressed. Although, on a positive note, I’m proud that one month of 2018 has almost passed and I’ve successfuly posted on my blog every single week without failing. Besides – I’ve posted only quality content. No more ranting posts in here like it used to be few years ago. Anyways, back to the topic of social media. Until this time I’ve been trying to stay active on Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, Bloglovin and Instagram because I thought – than more sites I used, than more new visitors I can bring to my site. Well, not really. The key is posting quality content consistently not only on blog but also on social media sites. For example, if I’d pin 5 pins a week,  pin each day and then disappear for few days, I couldn’t grow my Pinterest following at all. People follow each other for a reason – they expect new and exciting content regularly. You get the point. I have no problem with Pinterest because I find a lot of inspiration there but Facebook and Twitter is kind of tough. If not the blog page on Facebook, the only thing I use it for is keeping in touch with my friends and relatives. That’s it. When it comes to Twitter – I used to be a huge fan of it about 4 – 5 years ago, mainly because of the chance to see what my favorite celebrities like Lady GaGa or Taylor Swift are up to.

So, in general, social media for me is good only in small doses and mainly for entertainment purposes. Except Pinterest. Pinterest is life. However, I deleted my Instagram account because the pressure to keep posting regularly pictures from my life, which does not feel that exciting most of the time, was too overwhelming. And seeing my follower count drop as soon as I couldn’t find time and content to post wasn’t exciting. You have probably heard a lot about uncluttering, removing stuff from your life that doesn’t make you happy. Mostly those videos and blog posts tell you about throwing out old clothes, broken stuff etc which is a great idea. I decided to take this a little further and get rid of social media that doesn’t make me happy and deleted my Instagram. Bloglovin is still debatable, however, Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook will stay. I don’t make a promise to post every day on all of these accounts because I would not be able to keep it. I will stay as active as I can and do my best – that’s all I can say.

I truly appreciate every single person, who takes his or her time in the day to read my blog, like the latest post and comment. It means a lot to be heard. It means a lot to be relatable, helpful and inspiring – that’s the message I will continue spreading. Thank you for being here. My blog wouldn’t be the same without any of you.

 

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Blog update: dollshavehearts.com will be launched soon!

Old wooden bench with orange autumn leaves on it.

Hello, dear readers! You’ve probably been wondering where have I gone and why is my blog so inactive. Of course, like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I’ve been very busy with school and work which, honestly, sometimes tends to suck all the creativity out of me. However, I recently decided to quit one of my jobs, so I’ll be working there only until the middle of December and after that I will have more free time. Why did I decide to quit? That’s kind of a long story but I decided that if, no matter how dedicated I was to the job, someone in a higher position repeatedly treats me like shit by not helping me with things I don’t understand, slandering me, telling me how terrible I am at doing my job and yelling at me, I don’t need to endure it. Enough about the job for now, I might go in depth about it in some of my future posts but right now I will tell you what I have in mind for this blog for 2018.

I finally feel ready to make this blog more professional, interesting and successful. I am planning to upgrade it to WordPress Premium, start being active on all of my social media accounts, which include Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram and most importantly – post lots of exciting content. I have finally figured out who exactly I am writing this blog for, what I am writing about and why I am even writing it. So – great news, this blog is going to get a huge upgrade and start looking like one of those neat, pretty lifestyle blogs that are full of great content. The estimated relaunch of Dolls Have Hearts is planned on January 1st but let’s see how it goes.

For now I am going to focus on getting blog ready for the relaunch. I have to write enough posts for at least a month forward to publish and I’ll try my best to post at least 2 times a week in 2018. At the moment I am super guilty about writing my blog posts the very last minute and even though the quality is good, I don’t have any posts scheduled for the future and that messes with my consistency. I also have to think about the way site looks and figure out the content to post on social media. If you’re a blogger, you already know, how important it is to stay active on social media and post not only your recent blog content but also other things your audience might be interested in. So, just because I have to do a lot of preparation, there might be very few or no posts at all this year. Don’t be sad – better content is yet to come!

If you have any suggestions about what you’d like to see more of on this blog or if you have anything important to note about upgrading your blog, monetizing it and making exciting for the readers, feel free to comment below! I’ve read a lot of information on how to build a successful blog but some extra advice won’t hurt. Also, if you’re a blogger, who recently relaunched and/or monetized your site, share your experience in the comments! I will really appreciate it.

P.S. Thank you all for following my blog and interracting in the comment section. It means the world to me that my opinion is important to you and that my view of life is relatable.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

Why I’m not blogging as much as I used to.

Cup of tea, books, flowers and a hand.

Hello, dear readers! For about first 3 weeks of school year I felt super excited that it’s the last year of school and I have a job which means I’ll finally earn some money myself. Do you know those moments in your life when you’re telling yourself that you’re starting over fresh and you can do anything? I had this moment at the beginning. But then, about 5 weeks later I realized that living the life I want is not completely possible.

First and the biggest cause of my creative block is school. It’s my 4th year in music high-school which I was impatiently waiting for, somehow hoping that in this year everything will get better. Why shouldn’t it be like that? No more Math lessons which should have meant no more torturous lessons I’m not interested in. Sadly, I was mistaken. In 3rd year of high school at least I had Literature lessons that made me feel inspired and interested and even English that, despite of having a shitty teacher, I still liked as a subject. This year I can’t really name any subject that would fascinate me and I just feel stuck in the wrong place. I know that I am supposed to feel relieved that I have only 7 months left but those are 7 boring months that, honestly feel like a waste of time. I want to read great books, I want to write, travel and study something I’m interested in but I just can’t get out. Not even on weekends – there is still a pile of homework that I have to get done but see no point in it. It’s interesting , how just yesterday I heard in one of Skillshare classes that if you’re having too much stimulation from the outside world, your mind and imagination feels kind of suppressed and you start to feel less creative. That explains my situation a lot. So that’s how my inspiration is taken away. It’s nearly impossible to fake your interest in a subjects that you just don’t care about.

Work tends to be overwhelming. I agreed to take two teaching jobs because I hope that maybe my calling is teaching instead of performing. Of course, I’m thankful for one gifted student of mine and few other that are doing the best they can but working with all other kids that are bored of playing the guitar or don’t have abilities to be good at it is exhausting. Every time I have a lesson with someone, who just not into it, I feel sad that instead of improving my own guitar skills, I’m wasting time with hopeless kid. I’m still wondering, if having two jobs was the right choice for me even more because in one of those workplaces, I’m having a colleague in a higher position, who is very unhelpful and rude person in general.

I don’t know where I want to be in my life but it’s not where I am right now. Please know that I will post when I have some quality content to post and I might not stick to a regular schedule during this school year. However, my heart belongs to writing and I really like my little blog. Huge thanks to everyone, who follows me and cares about the content that I post, it means the world to me. Just so you know – I’m not going anywhere and I’ll do my best to make this blog better but for now it is kind of tricky.

Hopefully I’ll be back soon with some movie reviews and other exciting and positive stuff. Thanks for sticking with me!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

Striving for a better life.

Striving for a better life. | It's time to get my life together, start planning and start living the life of my dreams.

Hello, my dear readers! Last week has been pretty crazy to me. After chilling all summer and mostly taking my time to rest and improve my mental health, I just realized that school is going to start soon. It feels like just yesterday I returned from summer exchange program, just few days ago I got a tattoo… but it’s a false feeling and I have little time to get my life together. Even though this school year will be free from some subjects that I used to hate (*cough* math *cough*), I will be busier than ever because crazy inner me decided that she can keep studying, get normal grades, manage blogging and teach kids to play the guitar 22 lessons a week. I went from having no students to having 16 at once. It’s funny to remember how boring my life was at the age of fifteen when I was too scared to step out of my comfort zone but now I’m doing it a lot more, yet wondering – isn’t it too much?

However, I’m determined to make this work and even more – feel happy while living like this. After getting off meds I have slowly realized how strong I am mentally and how much I am capable of doing which amazed me. Of course, it might not be a lot in eyes of some people but for me it is something. I went from trance-like state and not caring about anything to realizing my current goals and learning to believe that I can achieve them. Nevertheless, to live the life I want to live, I will have to do something I have barely done in my life and when I did – I hated it. If you have not guessed what am I talking about – it is planning. I am that chaotic person, who loves to stay up until 4 a.m., if I suddenly get inspired to write or paint and who is often running late to somewhere I have to be. Now it is time to stop this messy lifestyle and plan out everything, which is what I am doing these past few days and I still keep doing it. So far I have created my morning routine (Who knew these are so important! Mine always consisted on hitting snooze about 10 times and skipping breakfast.), got 3 planners (2 for both schools I will be teaching in and 1 for general daily tasks) and created blogging daily task list.

Also, I have figured out 7 big mistakes why planning never worked out for me in a long term.

  1. Too much daily tasks.
  2. Tasks are too huge.
  3. All of the tasks are unpleasant.
  4. No rewards.
  5. No long-term goals.
  6. I’m waiting for inspiration or enough energy to do something.
  7. Following fake goals aka goals that others have set for myself.

Now, when I know what I have done wrong in the past and how to do it the right way now, I feel much more motivated and the future just seems brighter in general.

One more thing I have been doing to change my life for the best is uncluttering my closet and my apartment. Even though I’ve been doing some closet cleaning less than a year ago, I still found myself having clothes that do not represent me or in which ones I feel unattractive. However, for a while I did not realize that the closet was not the only thing, full of old, unuseful, broken and ugly things. It was the whole apartment. For example, just few days I threw out 3 or 4 trash bags, full of old school notes that I am not going to use again. Turns out that all those small things I put somewhere away from my eyes and kept “just in case” all together created a lot of trash that I have not used for months or even years. Also – throwing out the stuff you do not need is just a part one. The second thing you need to do is stop making spontaneous purchases. This goes especially about clothes and make up. Buy something only if you need it, not because you fell in love from the first sight with it.

So that’s what I am doing to make my life better. In case you are thinking about getting your life together, too, I will leave few useful links that might inspire you to do so.

That’s all for now and see you in next week when I will hopefully have everything planned out and I start diving into this new routine.

Stay awesome, Porcelain Doll.

 

5 facts you probably didn’t know about me.

pexels-photo-351961

Hello, dear readers!  While I’m still coming up with a list of non-personal blog post ideas, the purpose of this entry is to give you a chance to get to know me better. I am still a little careful every time I write about myself because, if you have been following me for at least 6 months, you know that I basically used to turn my blog into online diary where I rant about pointless things in my life. It was more like a trash can not a blog, to be honest. However, those times are over and I am not going back to my old way. So, here is a list of 5 facts you probably didn’t know about me. Even some of my friends don’t know some of them yet.

  1. I often laugh when I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I have no idea what kind of weird reaction is it and how long I have been acting like this but sometimes it appears in very weird situations. For example, if I’m watching a horror movie and a character gets murdered in a bizarre way, I will laugh. Not because I find it funny or entertaining but just because my mind is confused and I don’t know how to react otherwise.
  2. My hair changes whenever I experience major change in my life. Somehow I just want mark the beginning of something new by changing my hair. Not in the “Britney Spears in 2007” kind of way but still. So far I have had blonde, green and purple hair ends in different periods of my life. Also, let’s not forget the period in my life when I was obsessed with hair chalk and had strands in all possible colours.
  3. From age 12 to 15 I spent way too much time on Wattpad, reading and writing shitty fiction. They say you have to start somewhere but, believe me, everything that was written by me was garbage. Or at least 96% . Why? One of the reasons – when I started writing new piece of fiction, I had no idea, how my story is going to end. There are plenty other mistakes I made but I will go in-depth about this in different post in very close future.
  4. In kindergarten I was constantly fighting with boys because I liked toy cars and Legos better than dolls. I have no explanation for this but I remember that chubby dolls with blinking eyes, dressed in frilled dresses were boring to me. The same was with toy tableware and everything that was placed in girls’ corner. I guess even then I didn’t give crap about gender roles and thought that everyone can play with any toy they wanted to.
  5. I hate being interrupted during a creative process. It does not matter, if I’m painting, drawing, playing an instrument or busy with a random DIY project. Don’t you dare to come up to me and start some off topic chatter or even ask me to do something else. If were not creating together and you are not here to help me, better just leave before I get mad.

Here you go – now I am not just a random person behind your screen and after this personal post I will be ready to entertain you with different kind of content in the future. By the way, can you relate to any of the things I mentioned in this list? If so, please let me know by commenting below. 🙂

Wishing you all the best, Porcelain Doll.