5 reasons why I stopped using Tinder and other dating apps.

Brunette, sitting on a bench, holding a smartphone in her hand with white headphones laying beside her

Hello, dear readers! If you are anywhere below the age of eighteen, you are probably familiar with the hype about dating apps. Tinder, Match.com , OkCupid, HotOrNot, Happn, Once and many more apps are right at out fingertips and during the teenage years it might seem that if you are still single when you turn eighteen, you might actually find someone decent online. No more worrying about very few options to pick from. When I turned eighteen, I felt excited, too. Not because I could finally buy some wine or beer (although that’s also great) but because I could finally start using these popular dating apps that everyone was talking about. Don’t get me wrong – I was not obsessed with finding someone just so I don’t die alone. I was just bored and wanted to find someone to have interesting conversations with. However, after about a year of trying out different apps I gave up and here are five reasons, why I did it.

  1. I hate small talk. Guys on dating apps don’t have any conversation skills. In worst case I don’t even get a message. In a better case scenario I get simple “hey”. (Is that really all you have got? You definitely know, how to impress a girl.) And in best case scenario (which is not great anyway) I get “Hey, how are you doing?” or “Hey, you’re so sexy.” At first I thought that this happens only on apps like Tinder, who seem to be used mainly for hookups but turns out it’s a pretty common thing on every dating app.
  2. A lot of dating apps that are seemingly free, include paid upgrades that allow to send unlimited messages, view profiles etc. I’m so tired of this bullshit. Stop advertising a certain dating app as completely free, if it’s not. No one likes to create an account in hopes of meeting someone just discover later that they can’t send a message to their crush cause they don’t have a “premium membership”.
  3. I believe that all long-lasting relationships start out as friendships. And by long-lasting I mean at least 5 years, that’s the very minimum. The thing is – no one on dating sites is looking for a friendship, they are pretty straightforward right away. I, on the other hand, am a demisexual (which means I’m experiencing sexual attraction towards someone only when I have formed emotional bond with that person) don’t know right away, if I will want to engage in sexual activity with a certain person and I don’t want to rush it. To me chemistry should happen before physical intimacy, not afterwards. Sadly, most people, especially guys, think the opposite way.
  4. They’re full of catfishes and underage people. That’s the biggest risk of dating online – everyone can be, whoever he or she wants to me. Fifteen year olds can pretend they are twenty and the guy next door can pretend that he looks like Ansel Elgort. You may never know, if a person you are talking to is telling you the truth. Some people install dating apps just because they’re bored, some because they want to catfish others, some just are too curious and decide not to obey the rules (underage people!). Either way, that makes the mission of finding the perfect match even more impossible.
  5. Personality tests to help you find your perfect match are pretty much useless. So what, if someone doesn’t smoke, is caucasian, likes to go on coffee dates and is a cat person? That still doesn’t mean that we will get along. Sure, so-called personality tests are simply interesting to fill out but do they really increase your chances of meeting your ideal partner? I highly doubt that. It’s just another scam to make you more interested in certain dating app and assure you that somehow it’s better than all the others.

So those are five main reasons why I decided to stop using dating apps. I could rant more about their uselessness but I think that I already gave you enough reasons in this post. From now on I will just simply focus on being more present and meeting people in person. To tie this post with the previous one – life is not what happens on your phone. It’s what happens around you while you are too busy swiping and double tapping. Live here and now! However, if you actually have dating app success story and you disagree with my opinion, feel free to share your thoughts in comment section. Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship.

Happy brunette in a sand coloured coat, enjoying autumn

Hello, dear readers! As you now know, with school and two teaching jobs my life is busier than ever which means I don’t have time for a proper relationship. I can’t exchange text messages with someone during the whole day because I have got so much more stuff to do and I need energy for that. However, that is just one of the reasons why I decided to try friends with benefits type of relationship. The other one is – I got my heart-broken for the first time about a year ago and then my word kind of got shattered in pieces. The person I trusted the most suddenly decided that an argument we had was serious enough just to end an undefined relationship we had. After the breakup (which was barely a breakup because we weren’t really together) and several months of excessive drinking I met someone. And, ironically, he kind of reminded me of the guy who broke my heart. Similar behaviour, similar sense of humor and the chemistry was just there. Soon after that I found myself in this well-known friends with benefits type of relationship. Who would have known? Me! A girl, who for many years was sure that I am a demisexual and relationships that are based on sex will never be a part of my life. For a while it seemed like a good idea but later I just realized that something is missing. And not just something – a lot of things. I wanted dates that included going out of the apartment, I wanted more attention and just… a bond that a person can only have when she or he is in love. I was not in love and after some time just got bored of him. So this finally brings us to the list of 5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship. Let’s get started!

  1. No pregnancy scares. Well, I’m pretty sure that even women, who are in a committed, serious relationship experience those, if they are not ready for a child but let me tell you – getting pregnant when you don’t expect it from a guy you love is probably better than from a guy you don’t. No matter how careful you are, things still might happen, so, ironically, I am going to quote my mum and say: “The best way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex.” I guess, I’ll just interpretate in my own way: “Don’t have sex with someone you are not in love with.”
  2. No stressing about ignored text messages. What is he doing? When are we going to meet? What if I’m pregnant? Why hasn’t replied? The honest truth about friends with benefits relationships is that most guys, who are interested in this relationship are fuckboys. Some of them might seem like nice guys at the beginning but that is just an illusion. So, don’t even get started with them or, if you already have started it, ditch him. He is not worth your time and is only going to waste it.
  3. Netflix and chill is better by yourself. Meeting up with him at first seems exciting but then it turns out the only place you two will meet is either at his place or yours. And, if he is a shady fuckboy, who has a girlfriend, then it’s just going to be your place. There’s nothing from with chilling at home but if it includes mostly sex and you two never leave your (or his) place together, then it becomes boring. And I am so not about that boredom, you feel me?
  4. Have more “me time”. Go to that spa, sleep longer, get your nails done, meet your girlfriends… Do whatever makes you happy instead of constantly waiting for his message, so you can arrange a meeting to fuck. There’s nothing wrong with good sex now and then but if it’s with a whiny dude, who’s probably cheating his girlfriend with you, it’s not worth it. It’s just not.
  5. No dealing with his excuses and other bullshit. At the beginning he might seem nice and perfect in every way but later he starts coming up with random excuses why he didn’t text back, why he can’t see you today or this week and the list goes on. From chill and funny dude he turns into a shady one and then it’s almost impossible to continue the relationship. Well, at least if you are like me, who can’t tolerate even the smallest amount of bullshit.

So those are all the reasons you should enjoy being single and avoid friends with benefits type of relationship. No matter, how disappointing it is, the scenario of movie “Friends with benefits” does not come true in real life. (I wish it would, though. Don’t you?) Casual relationships does seem fun at first but at the end, if you’re a girl, it’s probably not what you want in a long-term. Better keep living your life until you meet someone, who is honest with you, wants to travel with you and is as crazy about you as you are about this person. (Just pretend you did not detect high levels of cheesiness in the previous sentence.)

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to follow your heart.

Love, Porcelain Doll.