5 things to do when you’ve hit the rock bottom.

Brunette in a brown coat and brown knitted hat, looking away from the camera.

Hello, dear readers! Growing up feels a lot like leveling up in a certain game – challenges get harder with every level. In some days you feel like you have it all figured out and you know, how to “play this game” but at some you feel like you are failing completely. Maybe you just got broken up with, fired, manipulated, lied to, lost your best friend, lost the money, got cheated on, faced sudden and serious health problems – whatever it is, sometimes it feels like you have reached the rock bottom and there is no going back. However, if you are in that mindset right now, I’m here to help you to dig yourself out of that hole. There is a way out and it’s only too late when you’re dead. Here are five things you can do when it feels like you’re in an incredibly bad situation and it feels like it won’t ever get better.

  1. Cry it out and pour a glass of wine. Bottling up emotions has never done anything good, so let it all out. You can ask for a friend to come over. Wine is optional but sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out, feel good and relax.
  2. Realize what makes you upset, what caused this unpleasant situation and figure out, if you can do something about it. For example, you just found out you have an STD. What caused it? This time it was a dishonest partner, who you really trusted. Did you had “the talk” before you decided to have sex with them? You did. How could you knew that they weren’t honest with you? You couldn’t. What can you do? Get a treatment, if there is one and talk to your partner about it. What if there is no treatment? You do your research on how to live with it and connect with other people, who are in the same situation as you are to receive some emotional support. What if your partner denies everything, puts the blame on you or simply vanishes? As painful as it is – you have learned the lesson that it is not the type of person you want to be with. You can’t return to the past and change what happened then but you can figure out all the ways you can make your future better. Remember: you are not defined by the mistakes you made.
  3. Accept the fact that healing takes time and be gentle to yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes and no one is perfect. Everyone in this world has screwed up some way. Most people have learned from their mistakes and moved on. For some moving on is easier, for some harder but it is possible. Be gentle to yourself, putting blame on yourself doesn’t help to change the past, even more – it ruins the future, if you keep living with this negative vibe forever.
  4. Dry your tears and brainstorm for ways on how to get better. The fact that you have been in an abusive relationship, doesn’t mean that every future relationship you have will be the same or that you won’t be able to be in a relationship at all. The fact that you have went to ten job interviews and got denied on every single one doesn’t mean that you will never get a job that you like. Usually you have to reach the rock bottom to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon afterwards. Sometimes good things happen when you least expect them, so keep trying.
  5. Take the next step. It’s not easy to go on with your life after a huge downfall but that’s the way life is – ups and downs are inevitable. However, looking from the bright side – if you would never experience any rock bottoms, you would never know, how good it feels to reach the top. Also, the problems that we face, the mistakes that we learn from – it all makes us stronger at the end. Practice doesn’t make us perfect but it definitely makes us better. Life is like an improvisation – you might not know what is going to happen next but you can learn to adapt to different situations and get back up faster, when you fall down.

That’s it for today’s blog post on Dolls Have Hearts. Wish me luck on finding a great summer job and I’ll see you next week when hopefully I will be already employed.

Love, Porcelain Doll.

The less visible sister of fat shaming – skinny shaming.

Skinny brunette in workout clothes, walking down the street

Hello, dear readers! By now I think you have all heard of fat shaming. Curvy people, especially women have raised awareness about it a lot during last few years. It is no secret that media has been pushing the image of “perfect woman” onto us for quite a long time. We are still drowning in magazine articles about getting beach body and different diets that will help us lose x amount of pounds every month. However, there is one side of body shaming that has not been covered as much and it is skinny shaming. Yes, that is really a thing! Why am I writing about this? Well, because I have been fat shamed as well as skinny shamed.

During my childhood years I was somewhere in the middle – not really chubby but also not skinny. However, I despised PE lessons and ate what ever I wanted, so I was no way considerable as the fit one. Being a kid and hating sports was not cool at all, so I quickly became the main object of mockery in my school. Most of my bullies were boys, who were skinny and loved sports. They could eat all the junk food in the world and still stay the same way. However, if I would eat too much pizza or cookies, my body would show it after some time. I was a girl and being tall and thin was not in my genes. I was jealous at girls, who were like that. The self consciousness made me feel terrible about my thighs, who seemed way too thick at the time (I mean, how thick can be thighs of a ten-year old, who is not overweight?) and small stomach roll that I had while sitting down. For nine years straight I was laughed at because of my body and fat shamed almost every day. It did not mater, if I tried eating less or dressing differently – I was still the ugly, weird and fat kid. This nightmare ended after middle school.

About a year before graduating from middle school I started working out. Of course, results did not show that quickly but I was getting there. After middle school I decided to continue my studies in a different city and different school. Things seemed to get better – my schoolmates did not care about my looks at all and the fat shaming was over. However, soon after that when my workout results finally started showing, I experienced something as uncomfortable which was skinny shaming. As I continued to workout, my stomach rolls disappeared, hip bones, ribs and collar bones started showing a little bit more. I was eating healthier than before and still had normal BMI, however, my parents started getting worried with no apparent reason. I started getting a lot of comments from them that I workout too much and suggested me to workout less and eat more. I could not understand their reaction. I finally started feeling better about my body after all the fat shaming and now this? My parents have never been on the thin side, so this fact made me nervous from early childhood. Will I look like this when I grow up? I didn’t want to. I wanted to be like one of those fit, happy girls you can see on Pinterest and Instagram. Why was is such a bad idea? My parents should have been happy that I wasn’t one of those girls, who look at thinspo every day and starve themselves.

During last  4 years I’ve been working out and eating healthier but their remarks didn’t stop. Especially from my dad. I wanted to feel better about my body and love it but comments like: “You should eat more. Your breasts have become smaller. Your hip bones are showing too much. Your ribs are showing too much. Are you trying to starve yourself? The way you look isn’t healthy. Stop starving yourself. Stop working out so much.” made me insecure and unhappy. You might think that having a slimmer body would make me more confident. It didn’t. I still listened to what people are saying about it. I felt insecure about my hip bones and the fact that I sometimes got bruises on them after workouts, I felt stressed out because I couldn’t find pants that fit me just right. Most of them were too tight in the area of my thighs and too loose around my waist. I felt insecure about my breasts that were never too big but now got even smaller. I was jealous to girls, who could wear nice lingerie, push up bras and actually have something to put inside them. I was almost flat, I still am.

I shouldn’t hate my body, I should love it and you should do the same with yours. It’s okay to have thick thighs, it’s okay to have tiny breasts, it’s okay have boyish body with no curves or very curvy one without small waist. I’m here to tell you what no one has told me – love your body the way it is now. It doesn’t matter, if people tell you that you’re too skinny, too muscular or too chubby. There is no such thing as perfect bikini body and you shouldn’t stress about getting it. There is not one universal body shape everyone should and would be able to fit. No matter what body type you have, it has its own beauty. Stop listening to media and society in general, who’s telling you that you need an ass like Kim Kardashian or body like Keira Knightley, or that you can’t wear crop tops because your stomach isn’t perfectly flat. Wear what makes you feel good, don’t torture yourself in order to look like someone else. You already have a full package of what you need. Sure, you can do some ab workouts or squats, eat more veggies and treat it like a temple but… never take it for granted. You are beautiful in your own skin – embrace it here and now.

That’s all for this week’s blog post. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as enjoyed writing it. See you next week with another great article. 🙂

Love, Porcelain Doll.