7 major red flags you should not ignore in your relationship.

Brunette in white blouse and black skirt standing near stair railings

Hello, dear readers! If you have been following my blog for at least a month, you know that I recently ended a relationship. It took me quite some time to realize that being with this person recently started to make me very unhappy and nothing could be improved at that point. Even though our relationship ended with a huge and unpleasant blast, I wanted to make something good out of it – share the red flags I tried to ignore, so you do not make the same mistakes in a relationship if you ever notice them. The harsh truth about relationships is the fact that even though you have to fight for someone if you really love them, it takes two people to make it work. If one person is ready to make a sacrifice while other one is not – that will not work. Without any further intro, let’s take a look at seven major red flags you should not ignore in your relationship.

  1. Your partner guilt trips you whenever they get a chance. Maybe you told an unsuccessful joke and they completely misinterpreted it. Maybe you got a little too drunk and kissed someone else when you were still in some an early stage of your relationship. Even though you were the first to recognize the mistake and apologized for it from all of your heart, they still keep mentioning it weeks, even months later at the most random moments. I am not telling you it is okay to say something offensive to your partner or cheat on them but everyone makes mistakes. It’s all about learning from them and forgiving, so your relationship can keep on evolving.
  2. Your partner is not capable of admitting that they hurt your feelings and apologizing about it. If you have to be the only one in this relationship, who apologizes and forgives in this relationship, it will not work. The longer it continues, the more helpless you will start to feel and the lower your self-esteem will fall.
  3. Your partner does not provide emotional support when it is needed, especially, if you suffer from mental illness (for example, depression). They get repulsed by your mood swings, think you are being over-dramatic etc, this is not going to work.
  4. Your partner does not show interest in what is important to you. All they do is complain about you two not having more matching interests while never asking more about what you are passionate about and why. Of course, you should show an interest in their hobbies, work etc, too.
  5. Your partner seems very different after “the honeymoon phase” in your relationship is over. Where did this sweet, caring person, who loved to make you scrambled eggs in the morning and cuddle with you for hours go? You will never know. Suddenly you ended up with a human version of grumpy cat, who finds all of your jokes expensive and 30 minutes after your arrival, hides in his room to play video games with his friends.
  6. Your partner is too concerned about long-term goals like having kids when you have only been dating for 2 months. Come on, this should not be a concern while you are still in your 20’s. It is not like your biological clock is ticking fast already.
  7. Your partner keeps making offensive jokes about you. It is alright to cross the line once in a while, we all make mistakes but if it is happening almost daily, that is one of the biggest red flags and self-esteem wreckers ever. Leave now.

I am not trying to be a blogger version of Taylor Swift but there are some things that I would like to add about my relationship before I end this post. Nothing felt right at the very end. Even when we went out for a dinner which was supposed to be a romantic gesture, I felt like I was sitting across the table from a stranger with who I somehow ended up in a relationship with. When I wanted to talk things out, he warned me that as soon I would start crying, this conversation would be over. I will not dive into details of this breakup, however, the moment when I realized it is really over was when I walked out of the door of his apartment in early morning hours. Before that happened, I was crying almost non stop for 4 hours while he was sleeping in the other room. I could not carelessly fall next to someone whom I broke up with and who felt more emotionally distant than ever. I waited until I had a chance to get into the first city bus and leave. In a movie, just when you are walking out of the door, your partner wakes up, runs out of the door and asks you to stay. Maybe even asks for forgiveness. If not, at least offers to help you carry your heavy bags to the bus station. However, life is not a movie. Even though he woke up, opened the door and asked where was I going, after my reply, he just nodded and said bye. This is how our story ended and, hopefully, it ended for good.

Until the next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship.

Happy brunette in a sand coloured coat, enjoying autumn

Hello, dear readers! As you now know, with school and two teaching jobs my life is busier than ever which means I don’t have time for a proper relationship. I can’t exchange text messages with someone during the whole day because I have got so much more stuff to do and I need energy for that. However, that is just one of the reasons why I decided to try friends with benefits type of relationship. The other one is – I got my heart-broken for the first time about a year ago and then my word kind of got shattered in pieces. The person I trusted the most suddenly decided that an argument we had was serious enough just to end an undefined relationship we had. After the breakup (which was barely a breakup because we weren’t really together) and several months of excessive drinking I met someone. And, ironically, he kind of reminded me of the guy who broke my heart. Similar behaviour, similar sense of humor and the chemistry was just there. Soon after that I found myself in this well-known friends with benefits type of relationship. Who would have known? Me! A girl, who for many years was sure that I am a demisexual and relationships that are based on sex will never be a part of my life. For a while it seemed like a good idea but later I just realized that something is missing. And not just something – a lot of things. I wanted dates that included going out of the apartment, I wanted more attention and just… a bond that a person can only have when she or he is in love. I was not in love and after some time just got bored of him. So this finally brings us to the list of 5 reasons why single life is better than friends with benefits type of relationship. Let’s get started!

  1. No pregnancy scares. Well, I’m pretty sure that even women, who are in a committed, serious relationship experience those, if they are not ready for a child but let me tell you – getting pregnant when you don’t expect it from a guy you love is probably better than from a guy you don’t. No matter how careful you are, things still might happen, so, ironically, I am going to quote my mum and say: “The best way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex.” I guess, I’ll just interpretate in my own way: “Don’t have sex with someone you are not in love with.”
  2. No stressing about ignored text messages. What is he doing? When are we going to meet? What if I’m pregnant? Why hasn’t replied? The honest truth about friends with benefits relationships is that most guys, who are interested in this relationship are fuckboys. Some of them might seem like nice guys at the beginning but that is just an illusion. So, don’t even get started with them or, if you already have started it, ditch him. He is not worth your time and is only going to waste it.
  3. Netflix and chill is better by yourself. Meeting up with him at first seems exciting but then it turns out the only place you two will meet is either at his place or yours. And, if he is a shady fuckboy, who has a girlfriend, then it’s just going to be your place. There’s nothing from with chilling at home but if it includes mostly sex and you two never leave your (or his) place together, then it becomes boring. And I am so not about that boredom, you feel me?
  4. Have more “me time”. Go to that spa, sleep longer, get your nails done, meet your girlfriends… Do whatever makes you happy instead of constantly waiting for his message, so you can arrange a meeting to fuck. There’s nothing wrong with good sex now and then but if it’s with a whiny dude, who’s probably cheating his girlfriend with you, it’s not worth it. It’s just not.
  5. No dealing with his excuses and other bullshit. At the beginning he might seem nice and perfect in every way but later he starts coming up with random excuses why he didn’t text back, why he can’t see you today or this week and the list goes on. From chill and funny dude he turns into a shady one and then it’s almost impossible to continue the relationship. Well, at least if you are like me, who can’t tolerate even the smallest amount of bullshit.

So those are all the reasons you should enjoy being single and avoid friends with benefits type of relationship. No matter, how disappointing it is, the scenario of movie “Friends with benefits” does not come true in real life. (I wish it would, though. Don’t you?) Casual relationships does seem fun at first but at the end, if you’re a girl, it’s probably not what you want in a long-term. Better keep living your life until you meet someone, who is honest with you, wants to travel with you and is as crazy about you as you are about this person. (Just pretend you did not detect high levels of cheesiness in the previous sentence.)

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to follow your heart.

Love, Porcelain Doll.