“Liberated: the new sexual revolution” – shocking and eye-opening must see documentary.

Blonde girl with sunglasses at the beach party
Source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt6710214/mediaviewer/rm4063704576

Hello, dear readers! I really thought I should not post so many movie reviews on my blog because it would literally turn it into a movie review blog but this movie just turned my world upside down. Anyone, who knows me well, knows that I am not the type of person, who loves documentaries but this… hits pretty close to home to everyone, who is 14 to 30 years old. And, because Dolls Have Hearts readers are in that age group, I just had to review this. This is not a usual movie review like the ones I have posted before. This is a life-changing movie. So, let’s dive right in!

I found out about this movie few days ago and the trailer didn’t look very promising. For some reason I thought that this movie will show that hook-up culture is okay and that’s just how things are in 21st century. Thankfully, it did not. I really liked that this movie was divided into several parts – a male perspective into hook-up culture, a female perspective into hook-up culture and several others. Even though the truth made me cringe and cry a lot, it was so brilliant just because it was very realistic. There is so much pressure on young people nowadays. Girls are expected to look like models on magazine covers because it seems that they can only be cool and good enough, if they are desired. Boys, on the other hand, are expected to have sex with as many possible because somehow it is one of the ways, how they can show off their manliness. The more women they have sex with, the more desirable they become. I can see this ideology existing in modern world but I still don’t understand, how we have become these animals, who have made sex and sexuality this huge, important thing that basically shows our value. I can’t even put into words, how fucked up this is.

Even though I have never been on of those girls, who are always desired by most guys, I know very well, how it feels to “be on the other side”. From early teen years I have realized that, if I am not sexually appealing in the eyes of the opposite sex (mostly her peers), no one will look at me twice. No one will talk to me, everyone will laugh at my clothes, body, the way I smile, talk and move. I am automatically treated like not good enough and like I don’t deserve love in general. At the same time I have seen those desirable girls around me. Do you think they were treated like queens? No, never. They were girls, who used to show as much skin as possible just to fit in and hang out with boys. Those were girls, who let boys touch their breasts behind the curtains at school discos and who often couldn’t even walk because they got too drunk, trying to prove guys that they are cool. They were the ones, who got fucked and made fun of later. So, it looks like no matter on which side you are, you can’t win.

Talking about boys – it was hard for me to understand their point of view until I saw this movie. I always thought they were just born evil and truly enjoyed sleeping with any girl they could get their hands on and then slut shaming them afterwards. It’s like… they were not really human. After watching “Liberated: the new sexual revolution”, I kind of started to realize that they are also in a very unpleasant situation. So much pressure is put on them, too. A guy can either choose to be the undesirable virgin, who gets bullied at school or a seemingly heartless player, who is pressure into sleeping with as many girls as possible just to be cool in the eyes of his friends. No matter what they do, they can’t win either.

Now that I have briefly told you what the movie is about and what are my thoughts on the hook-up culture that it describes, here is the trailer.  If you are in your teen years or in your twenties, I’d highly suggest you to watch this documentary. It explains so much of what is happening with young adults all around the world right now. In a fucked up way, indeed but still. Just watch it.

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.

 

 

 

#MythbusterMonday : the truth and lies about virginity.

#MythbusterMonday

Hello, dear readers! Today is the day I wanted to talk to you about something which you most likely had awkward conversations about with you parents. Losing virginity, popping the cherry – call it what you want but it was always such a huge mystery, at least during my childhood. I could never understand why you “had to” do it with someone only after wedding, why it would be so painful and why the heck, if that was so painful, someone would want to have sex again. After all the talk my parents gave me (which, honestly, wasn’t a lot) I started to think that first sex must be some kind of nightmare-ish experience. Only later in life I realized that those things were big, fat lies that most parents are used to telling their daughters in 21st century w slutin which slut shaming is completely okay. God forbid, if a woman will lose her virginity before marriage and actually enjoy sex, or have more than one sex partner during her lifetime.

Why am I telling this to you? I’m telling this to clear some lies all the people, who haven’t had sex yet might believe in and spread sex positivity. Sex talk shouldn’t be awkward and first sex shouldn’t be scary and painful. Thankfully, I learned the truth about virginity before losing mine and it definitely made my life way easier. Side note: I will lose the phrase “losing virginity” and the word “virginity” in quotation marks because that’s not even a thing. Believe me, it’s not. It’s just a construct society created. If you’re thirsty for more explanation, let’s dive right in!

  1. First time for a girl is always painful and probably bloody, too. Oh, hell no! No matter what your mother, sister or whoever has told you – that is not true. If first time hurts, you’re probably doing something wrong. Maybe he’s too rough, maybe there wasn’t enough foreplay, so you’re not wet enough or maybe you’re not relaxed enough. If you are worrying about not getting wet enough naturally, don’t be afraid to use lube. Go slow the first time and be vocal, if something doesn’t feel right!
  2. Hymen covers vagina completely and, when you “lose your virginity”, you break it. Wrong. First of all, hymens are different: there are normal, septate (two vaginal openings instead of one), microperforate (small vaginal opening) and imperforate (hymen completely covers vagina) hymens. In a standard case, you hymen will just stretch out, not break. So, that explains why most likely your first time won’t be painful, if you’re doing everything right. Also, if the hymen would cover your vagina completely, how would you menstruate properly?
  3. Hymen is located inside of your vagina. No, it partially covers the vaginal opening. The thing with this myth is – even a lot of dudes believe in this. What a shame. Why this isn’t something that is explained in Sex Ed?
  4. You can only “lose virginity” by being penetrated. This was confusing to me the whole time. I couldn’t understand, if that’s how a girl loses virginity, how do lesbians lose their virginity then? Do they keep it forever? Maybe it’s possible to lose V-card by getting fingered? Too much confusion in here. That was until I realized that first sex technically is no different from any other time you have sex. Well, except for the fact that it’s your very first experience and you don’t know that well what to do and what not to do.
  5. “Losing virginity” is only acceptable with you spouse. Why, though? How does a paper and a ring change someone’s rights to engage into sexual activity with me or not? Why does marriage matter? Sex is not a sin and something you should feel ashamed about. There are few things you should take into consideration before having sex with someone for the first time but marriage is not one of them. (Sorry, Christians, I didn’t mean to offend you!) If you feel comfortable with someone, know them well enough, maybe are even in love with them and want to go for it, do it! Just don’t forget about protection.
  6. “Doing it” changes your life a lot. No, not really. You’ve just discovered something very enjoyable, that’s it. And maybe, just maybe, gained a tiny bit of confidence and lots of extra naughty thoughts in your head.
  7. You can’t use tampons, if you’re a “virgin”. Look at the second myth. Your hymen probably doesn’t completely cover your vagina, so you can actually use tampons before you have “done the deed”. Although, at ages 11 to 14 that might be slightly uncomfortable, so, if you want to use those, go with smaller ones. Either way – you can’t “pop your cherry” with tampon because, as I said, virginity is not a physical thing. It’s just a construct society has created.
  8. Having sex with someone before marriage doesn’t make you dirty or a slut. Don’t believe what society say. Your sexuality is a part of you that you should embrace, instead of being ashamed about it. If you want to have sex with someone, do it! If you want to wait until your first love or marriage, do that!

So here are all the myths about virginity I’ve heard during my early teen years. I even believed in some of those and they confused the hell out of me. I just wish someone would have told be the truth from the very beginning. That wouldn’t make me start having sex earlier but it would make everything clearer.

In a nutshell, virginity is not a physical thing – it’s a social construct that was created to control women and what they do with their bodies. If you have sex, there is no definite way to tell, if you’re a “virgin” or not. If you want to have sex with someone – go for it, as long as you’re safe. If you don’t – that’s fine. Don’t feel pressured by your peers. Only you should decide what to do and what not to do with your body. Just because someone starts having sex at the age of 15, doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Do what feels right for you and always use protection.

Until next time on Dolls Have Hearts!

Love, Porcelain Doll.